Im Still Here

My boyfriend used to beat me hes quit though. He would get so mad at me for calling him out on some lie and i mean beat me, choke me out and make lose conciousness, hes kicked me in the face, blacked my eye a real one where the inside of your eye turns red where its posta be white, hes busted my lip and punched me in the face and in the head hes pushed and shoved hes threatened my life hes almost broke my middle finger hes kicked me and spit on me hes dumped drinks on me hes threatened me with an axe hes fought me full on and hes completely lost it.. Now im still with him its been 4-6 months and he hasnt laid a finger on me hes really trying and he hates it when hes hurt me hes said i never woulda imagined that id be the piece of **** who beats his woman but i am ... I know it sucks for him to realize that he lost control and beat me like a man ( im 120 and hes about 145 ). So its not that big of a difference weight wise i never fight back i might block some punches but i always feel like i could beat him back but im smart enough to know that it could only **** him off more and i dont want to chance it... Hes stopped abusing me and hes not a monster but he doesnt know how to handle himself and im the first girl hes ever beat this way .. Sometimes i asked for it sometimes i needed it ( i was a cutter so id use his anger as a way to satisfy my craving). Idk its crazy do you believe once a man hits a woman that he can stop and if so or not why
Unhappyness Unhappyness
22-25, F
3 Responses Apr 27, 2012

Get out of it as soon as possible!!! He hit u once, the time will come to hit u second, 3rd etc time. He will never stop. And yeah, they all 'feel sorry' and are saying 'I promise I never never do that again'. BULLSHIT! The worst is that it starts kinda softly and then they are making huge steps forward. My ex was abusing me lets say for about 5-6 months. Started with strong push, then was fine for over a month and 5-6 months later I was near to die. Just get out, please!! Dont to it to yourself cos noone deserve it..

Oh my god, first off im so sorry your being treated like that. But I really have a big problem with u sayin you"asked" for it. Hun, u didnt ask for that! This is part of the cycle of domestic violence. He convinces u that its your fault. Some how some way if you only did this or if you didnt say that.... Its all lies. Get out now. Men who do this DO NOT CHANGE, in fact it just gets worse. Your in the calm/buildup stage. When he blows up again its going to be much much worse. Even with extensive therapy he may never change. Please for me, make a plan to leave. Tell your family what has happened. At least call a domestic violence hotline and tell them about your situation. They will help u make a plan to leave. Your life is

Get out! No one deserves this there is nothing you could do to deserve a beating like this. Even if you hit him first he should get out! As for fighting back you're right I tried that and it almost cost my life. As for him getting better I've seen it happen the is your life worth that chance? I want you to start a new routine every morning look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worthy and your the only one who has to like or love you!