Just Confused

In the last 2 weeks, I've lost my boyfriend of 5 yrs, our business, and trying not to lose me. I loved him but I will not stand for any type of domestic abuse. So I had him locked up after a very heated argument between the two of us which led him to trash my home (where me & my children live), grab me by the neck and slam me into the bedroom wall (which left a 4' x 2' hole), chase me into the bathroom with a butcher knife (in the presence of my 16yr old son), and finally, take all of our monies out of our biz account. I was able to recover everything but the horrific memories and emotional/mental scars. He was my best friend...had never gone that crazy before and most of all, I love him. However, I know that the relationship is over and I cannot live in a cycle of violence, but I still love him. Found myself crying about it just a bit ago....and no one else in my corner can possibly understand this. I'm pissed! Pissed at him, pissed at me---I'm no angel. I sure could have handled the situation better, but I didn't. I fought him too--pulled hair, bit, hit, scratched. I could be in jail too : ( The list goes on....mostly venting, but very confused about pressing charges and all. Can anyone hear me?
Free79 Free79
31-35, F
May 22, 2012