I Finally Left!! and I Need Strength Everyday!

Well Im 33 now but when I was 18 I moved to Denver w my mom, she landed moving back to our hometown. I met a guy at work and we moved in quite quickly. The 1st time he hit me was in just a few mnts [my mom was also abused by my dad] I guess I felt stuck or scared Im not sure at the time. The abuse go worse and worse. I was the happy girl on the outside always smiling covering the bruises that were all over my body and the bumps on my head. Of course I felt the way alot of abused people feel (it's not bad all the time, he's good sometimes, if I don't make waves then he'll be nice) we had a daughter together 6 yrs later. There's just so much it would take me forever. but I guess my story is pretty similar to alot of other people. So I want to tell about how I got stronger...
When we first met I was very spiritual and loved God with my whole heart, as time went by and prayers unanswered I began to lose my faith and wonder if God was even real. I remember like it was yesterday I had an argument with God in my prayer and I yelled at him, telling him if he was real then why am I going through this? well a few months later I was watching this last episode on mtv in march. (which is wierd since I never watch tv)lol and this may sound kind of funny but I got obsessed with the dancers on that show and researched everything on them, leaving comments on their myspace and youtube accounts. Well in June some of the other fans and I decided to to create a chatroom for us and the dancers. We became really close and named ourselves JabbaFam x3OG. One day one of the girls in there confided in me what she was going through, and I decided to finally tell someone the truth about what was happening to me (I guess not knowing her personally I felt safer) wellI started confiding in more of them and that gave me strenght to confide in people here at home, 1st co workers and then family. I was feeling very strong and the hate for him was exploding, even when he was kind I hated it more cause I knew it was a lie since it was only good as long as he was in control of me. I was still so scared to leave, on January 31st at about 5am we were fighting, he beat me up so bad and I finally called the cops!!! One thing i would never do. My sister, mom, dad and aunt moved me out in 2 days. I have never been so happy and felt so free as I do now. He's out on bail right now and Im not going to lie, I'm not perfectly happy [to not be with him I am] but I still get scared or paranoid alot, my daughter whose 9 now is so hurtful to me, I'm hoping one day she will see me as strong and doing the right thing. I'm going to church 3 times a week and getting therapy. And since I'm living with my mom now and not paying very little for rent I'm shopping alot and trying my best to build me a new life. So thats who I am.
And I have God to thank for it, he heard my prayer he was just setting up the plan and I am so forever thankful :)
 

 

faithinmydestiny faithinmydestiny
31-35
Mar 15, 2009