I Won't Give Up

I am two people. One of them is... so happy... I envy she. When I am she, I forget the rest of the world. I live in an world that is inside me.... simplifying, when I am she I am just me... and all I can feel is love and peace.
But have other of me... I prefer say that is other girl inside me.. yes, I don't like her. She live afraid of the world, of people, of air... and she only turn to be the other girl when she is alone.
This unhappy girl has been chased all your life... and she is yet. The man that haunts her mind is so... dark. She shows me some histories of her life... I don't like, but I can't control... she have all control of my mind.
I saw that man... sometimes he come to observe me.. when I can feel his presence I stay petrified of panic, and some strange force hold me... and I can't scream... even nobody can hear me, I think that my scream maybe can makes me feel better... but I can't scream. My head burning of panic.. I don't like this..
I used to be a normal girl... you know....
Maybe something or somebody has changed me... my stepfather for example..
When my father died... he start to abuse me... you know.. every night he came to my room and did horrible things with me... sorry, I don't like remember...
After the first time that my stepfather did 'that' with me.. I've changed. I started to suffer Bullying in school, because I was weird and didn't talked with people... I'm don't weird... I just can see and feel things that other people can't..
Well, I'm just 16.. maybe in future my life change.. I want change my life. And I won't give up!
(sorry, my english is horrible... I don't speak this language)
infelizmenteeu infelizmenteeu
18-21, F
3 Responses May 5, 2012

I can understand that you feel ashamed, but this is not your shame. The shame belongs to your stepfather and it is his poison. Being afraid is also normal, but you should not let that fear stop you from taking any action.

you're right...
I will try, with calmly.. and fear... but I will.
Thanks for everything...

Your English is fine, I know where you are coming from,I to was abused by my step-dad, so I understand how you are feeling and the helplessness that you feel. I like you didn't tell anyone of this, but please do, as these people need to be stopped. Yes its going to be hard, and you must find that inner strength please.<br />
If you need to talk any time I will be here for you. Take care of yourself please.

Oh thanks!
I'm so happy to know that have people in the world who understand me... actually I'm afraid and so ashamed of tell to someone else what still happen to me...
But your support is so much important for me... Thank you so much :')

Your English is fine, and I am so very sorry this is happening to you. You are beautiful and you deserve better. What you have written here has moved me to tears... there are so many things wrong in the world. What your stepfather is doing is wrong and you need to do everything in your power to stop it. You have power! Please tell someone close to you, ask them to help you. Please reach out to stop this abuse. Please!

Thank you so much..
you need to know that I'm really happy to know that have people in the world who understand me, but I'm so ashamed... and I have afraid too...
Well... thanks, you have no idea of how you made me happy with your support..