I could make a list of events in my past, but it'll only put me in a bad place. One of my coping skills is to only deal with it 1 piece at a time or it becomes too overwhelming. If your interested, you might find some of it in my stories.
Having a "difficult" past, I struggle with relationships. I feel a loss from not having a life-long partner. I've tried, too many times.....I just can't handle the emotional intimacy that comes from that kind of dynamic in a relationship. I'm close to dear friends of many years. They carried me while I became stronger. 20 yrs of being there for me brought them close to my heart.