More Detail Of My Story

5 months ago i had my friends round for a drink we got drunk, i walked them half way home and sat on my doorstep afterwards to calm down and try and sober up a little more before i went to bed i wanted to go fro a walk or someone to sit with me while i was sobering up because i didnt feel great about being drunk and alone, i was messaging a friend he offered to meet me and chill and asked what id wanna do so i said maybe go for a walk? he invited me to go for a chilled beer down his friends house down the road from me I agreed thinking maybe that will be safer than walking the streets and met him and we hung out, chilled watched t.v and laughed it was harmless and quite fun i knew my boyfriend would worry if i was out alone too late so i told myself i'd go home soon, i had a few swigs of something they offered me i assumed it was vodka, i ad a smoke of what i thought was a cigarette but turned out to be weed, i then blunted it and just asked for a normal cigarette, the only thing i remember after standing up after being there for about 30 minutes, is i woke up in my bed smelling like cigarettes strong alcohol and i was in pain. i got up out of bed and my tights were ripped to pieces on my legs ladderes everywhere, the heels were gone out of them my feet were filthy, i passed my converse on the way to the bathrroom and saw i had kicked them off without undoing the laces i picked them up and they were tied in bows/nots at the top of the shoe..i never do thta i always tuck them in..odd i thought. i went to the bathroom pulled down my shorts and only saw my tights my underwear were over the top of my tights and my sanitary towel was covered in mud and twigs and bits of leaves my genitals felt swollen and it hurt to urinate and wipe myself, I was only wearing the vest top i had on underneath my big band shirt, i lifted it up as my breasts felt sore i had tiny splattering of my period blood on my white bra, i had the odd tiny bruises on the insides of my arms and the odd scratch, i had a nasty blister on my finger which looked like maybe i had been burnt i assumed maybe id dropped a cigarette, I messaged the guy asking what happened and told him i didn't remember a single thing and he told me he "took care of me" and that he walked me home he was being casual he said "you were so drunk" and said "do you really not remember anything?" i casually thought well this seems okay and said no nothing he messaged back "not even the trip to the car park " i suddenly got a flash of my self stood topless in a grubby old pub car park bushes looking around, i remember seeing him and his friend on the outside of the bush and then on the inside, i felt sick, i said no and i told him not to tell me i begged him not to tell me "aw why you ashamed babe " he replied, he kept saying how he had a great time with me, i then begged him to forget the incident he replied "pretty unforgettable for me " i begged him i told him i dont remember a thing lets just keep it that way this isnt funny i have a boyfriend who i love and he suddenly changed "nah i feel like scum now, dont blame me for something that wasnt my fault, i didnt even know how bad you were or i wouldnt have done anything im not a ****!" he got so defensive, i panicked he was getting mad and apologized i asked politely for him to please drop it and let it be history, he agreed, he agreed his friend would do the same too. i continued to message him afterwards out of fear for his retaliation again, after a while it sickened me and i couldnt do it anymore, i never replied, 2 months went by and he never messaged again, i went onto his profile and saw all these pictures of him on nights out with these random girls, i then blocked him and his friend, ive heard nothing since, i still question it a lot, its hard to accept
gunsnrose gunsnrose
18-21, F
5 Responses Jan 20, 2013

Wow That really sucks I have had blackouts from drinking quite a few times but I;m a guy so nobody ever did anything to me but it was still scary to see my car in the driveway and not even remember driving home.

Speaking from experience, your completely innocent. You should have went straight to the police, they need to be locked away, reguardless if you asked for it whilst completely off your head, it's still classed as rape, you weren't clear headed, I'll message you privately now.

thank you, I have never gotten so drunk and been begging for sex like ever not even with my boyfriend and i've never blacked out and I only lost my memory after being with them I was so confused, I found out recently that his friend who was guarding the bush who i met that night has taken a turn after his friend finished or possibly at the same time i've no way to tell of course.

This took some courage to write and share. The sad truth is a stiff d$$k has no conscious. If there's any bright side to this maybe it's best you don't have any memory of it.

Short of having reported this immediately you are unlikely to see justice at this point in time. By all means get counseling but I wouldn't share this with anyone other than those who absolutely must know. Your boyfriend in particular doesn't need to know as he will feel a sense of having let down and failing to protect you. Best wishes to you.

thank you, and yeah, I can't even know if i was drugged or just ridiculously drunk and they thought wahey easy as.
yeah I've been told because I remember practically not even a glimpse after being there for about 20 minutes like its like my mind was wiped clean that I don't have a strong enough case.
I told my boyfriend out of it was killing me and we're stronger than ever and value each other on a whole new level its hard but we're helping each other.
thank you for this

this must been hard to share...they put something in your drink most likely its problaby why dnt remember any of it..you should really go to a doctor health wise atleast...and dnt dwell on this just let be history like said cause being able to remember all of it just make it harder trust me..so have you tried telling your bf.? this guy wont stay quiet forever and he will use this against you

it really was, and im thinking so yeah or just tried to add to my state or just took advantage when they noticed an easy target, i've started seeing support workers and soon to be in counselling, no i've given it a lot of consideration and i've decided im not going to, ive only told my mum and close family, it will cause my boyf too much damage, he has ADD and his biggest fear is him switching completely over to the darkest side of himself, and im not going to let this bastard do that to him over something i dont remember. its been 8 months and he hasnt said a word and doesnt contact or bother me even when i bumped into him in a bar he didnt akcnowledge me and our mutual friends still have no clue so i dont think he is going to say anything i think hes afraid that if it got out people will realise hes scum

well thats good seems like you been better than most in this type of situation...well atleast you have someone who know to support you so involving your bf is pointless especially in his delicate state but ****** me off that that sob getting away with it but karma is a ***** just wait and see...so whats bothering you .?

yeah i am handling some parts well its just the days when its hard to pull yourself ou of bed, yeah my family have been amazing in helping me im very lucky, yeah its not worth the harm it would do. i just i feel awful and dirty and cheap im having trouble accepting that i did nothing wrong that he raped me, he seemed like such a nice guy

you need to know and remind yourself always...this was not your fault okay they took advantage of you they hurt you in worse way possible their scum their dirty not you...dont let it eat you up inside the fault lies in them not you

1 More Response

Wow, thanks for sharing this. Do you think it was something that they drugged you with, or just the mixture of the alcohol and weed? I'm very sorry this happened to you, and it seems like he is still raping you by holding it over your head like that. However, it sounds like you are a strong person and will continue with your life and I applaud you for that.