DEALING With My Monsters....

WELL , WHERE SHOULD I START ? I GUESS FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE ABUSE .  THAT STARTED AT THE HANDS OF MY STEP-FATHER AT THE AGE OF 4 YRS.  I TRIED TO TELL MY MOM AND SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. SHE EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TO ASK HIM IF HE WAS MOLESTING ME AS IF HE WOULD ADMIT TO IT. SO THE ABUSE WENT ON. INSERTING PENS AND THERMOMTERS AND VEGETABLES UNTIL FINALLY HIS PENIS .   I WAS 6 AND WENT TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY AUNT'S  HOUSE, THAT VERY DAY HE HAD HAD SEX WITH ME AND I REMEMBER ME BLEEDING SITTING ON THE TUB AND HIM SCREMING AT TO CLEAN UP. I THOUGHT I WAS DYING. HE TOLD ME IF I EVER TOLD ANYONE HE WOULD KILL MY MOM AND BABY BROTHER AS HE HELD A HUNTING KNIFE TO MY THROAT. MY AUNT HAPPENED TO COME OVER LATER THAT DAY AND I ASK IF I COULD STAY THE NIGHT WITH HER. SHE WAS PREGNANT ,THAT NIGHT LYING IN HER BED THE BABY MOVED AND SHE HAD ME FEEL HER BELLY; I TOLD HER I DIDN'T EVER WANT TO HAVE BABIES BECAUSE IT HURT . SHE TOLD ME "IT ONLY HURTS WHILE YOU ARE IN LABOR TO HAVE THE BABY." I TOLD HER IT ;  " NO, IT HURTS MAKING BABIES." SHE CALLED THE HOSPITAL AND THEY HAD HER BRING ME IN FOR  A EXAM. IN WHICH THEY FOUND EVIDENCE OF ABUSE PLUS *****.  I WAS TAKEN AWAY AND PUT INTO FOSTER CARE . MY MOTHER DIVORCED HIM AND I WAS ABLE TO COME BACK WITH HER.  MOM CONTINUED DATING LOSERS UNTIL SHE FOUND THIS GUY SHE DECIDED TO STICK WITH BUT HE DIDN'T WANT US KIDS . MY BROTHER WENT TO HIS FATHER'S FAMILY AND I WENT BACK INTO FOSTER CARE UNTIL I WAS ADOPTED AT THE AGE OF 9 . I WAS ABLE TO VISIT MY BIOLOGICAL  GRANDMOTHER ; THAT IS WHERE MY UNCLE WHO IS 8 YRS OLDER THAN I AM WOULD AHVE COME UP STAIRS TO HIS ROOM AND WOULD HAVE ME GIVE HIM ORAL WHILE HE PERFORMED ORAL ON ME.FO THE LONGEST TIME AND STILL SOMETIMES I FEEL TO BLAME BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS WRONG BUT I DID IT.  THE NEXT MAN WAS MY ADOPTED FATHER WHEN I WAS 13 OR SO IT WAS SUMMER TIME AND WE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE ON THE COUCH TOGATHER I WAS LYING AT ONE END AND HAD MY LEGS AND FEET ON HIS LAP .I WAS WEARING SHORTS AND HE STARTED RUBBING ON ME AND  SLIPPED HIS HAND IN THE LEGS OF MY SHORTS AND UNDER MY PANTIES AND FINGERED ME. IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE BUT IT HAPPENED . MY ADOPTED PARENTS ENDED UP RELINQUISHING THERY'RE PARENTAL RIGHTS AND I BECAME A WORD OF THE STATE ONCE AGAIN..... 
tigeress1970 tigeress1970
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 16, 2007

Be strong. One way I use to take my mind off things I do't want to remember or think about is to do active sports or do creative things that completely absorb my mind. Use your creative mind and have fun at the same time. Best wishes.