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I Am a Survivor of Spousal Abuse

No One Knows

By: lakeside2
Written on March 12th, 2012
I get asked all the time why I stayed. I married him because I love him. I told a friend today it was like boiling a frog. I ve heard that if you drop a frog in boiling water he immediately jumps out but if you put him water normal temperature and gradually increase the temperature he will sit there until and cook to death. That's what is like. He started out fine, and by the time he was choking me until I passed out, I was thousand miles away from hometown, with absolutely nothing left. All the people that ask me why I stayed, I had only minutes to use to phone, when he was in bathroom and Ive tried contacting friends, family even pastors and would email or text to come get me, with no response. I ask a guy for a ride and he came on to me, and I was like you have got to be kidding me. I was victimized, just short of being hostage and beaten every day, I could not even go to the bathroom without him going in there with me.  Why didn't I leave, he caught me every time I tried going out the door, usually by the hair.  And because I tried to leave it got bad when I got pulled back in. I wish someone could understand, I don't want pity, I just want someone to tell me that they understand. The detective I talked to today kept looking at me like I was crazy.  Why did you just report it? Why did you wait so long to go to Dr?  I told him I couldnt get there. Not going to have sex with someone for a ride. I also told him, if he finds out I filed charges he will kill me.  He is looking at 25 yearsp-99 for habitaul offender. his sentence will make no difference if he kills me or beats me up. I stayed because I was isloated from familiy and friends, and no one would answer my calls. I didn't call the police because I was told by landlord if PD came back out, Id have to move. Just venting can't find anyone that knows what it has been like and think I could have just walked out.
By: lakeside2
Age: 46-50 , Female
666 people have read this story

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4 responses
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    ez2u
    ez2u

    this is all to hard for me to express, some times i can't even talk nor write because my emotions are just so tangle up, sometimes i can't even express myself. it was like a pot that boiled slowly until i was bare of all dignity and self respect. I thought i didn't deserve to be treated any other way. That it would be alright after a while and there was a good reason why he did what he did . I always thought it wouldn't happen again and he had problems. it was like that when i was growing up my mom would say "what did you do to make her do that to you" like it was my fault for the beatings. Now i get panic attacks and the room feels like it is pressuring down on me. I don't feel safe and a scream starts yelling in my ears. but most of all i feel like nothing, a piece of dirt. Those that don't know him don't believe he is that away but i have live with his abuse off and on for 27 years. why is a 59 year old woman getting slam to the floor and knocked around. enough is enough.

    Oct 11, 2012
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    Jessica1978
    Jessica1978

    You can have a better life and you deserve one, leaving will be the hardest and scariest thing you will ever do, but honey you only have one life...be happy. You can do it.

    May 22, 2012
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    our5cats
    our5cats

    We also stay because we are slowly beaten down emotionally as well as physically. We come to believe that we are worthless and that we can't expect to have a better life that what we are enduring. This is insidiously easy because our abuser cuts us off from friends, family, and other sources of support. And I became addicted to the abuse - it became "normal" and the only excitement in my life. I foolishly believed him every time he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. When I told my mom, she said "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it."

    Apr 28, 2012
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    serenity94
    serenity94

    im trapped now, isolated from everyone. my mother in law lives with and she knows and sees how my husband is towards me. she reinforces it, says things like "if you'd only behave he wouldn't hurt you so, why cant you be good?" what kills me is i just dont have it in me to walk out, im too scared.

    Mar 16, 2012
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