What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger..

I was married to a man who I thought was a loving, caring, sensitive person, until about 5 months into the marriage. He had always been a funny, witty person who had a southern charm and accent that would make anyone melt. we had been dating for about 2 yrs when he asked me to marry him. I couldn't find a reason to say no, he seemed like everything I could want in a husband. I never would have imagined  in my wildest nightmares that this man, the one I loved and trusted, had such an evil side to him. I thought that we were one of the happiest couples on earth, and needless to say I was more than shocked and hurt when he began having what I can only describe as mood swings, he started becomming irritable over any and everything. At first it wasn't with me, It would be over something as minor as the gas nozzle at the gas station not going in right. Or tearing off a piece of paper towel that didn't tear off the way it should have. He also started drinking heavy, he always had 2 beers after work, but now he was drinking a six pack a day, sometimes more. I didn't say anything at first, till he started making "joking" little insults at me. I sat down next to him and held his hand and asked him what was going on with him. I told him whatever it was I wanted to help him if he'd let me. He just shrugged his shoulders and grabbed another beer and walked off. I remembered thinking that i wasn't going to push him, that he would talk to me when he was ready. all I could do was let him know that I was there for him when he was ready. It never happened. He started drinking more and more till he'd pass out, but not before saying incredibly hurtful things or punching a hole in the wall. I was getting extremely nervous when he was around, wondering what would set him off next. One day he blew up at me cause I had forgotten to pick up beer for him while i was at the store. I mean he went completely psychotic, for lack of a better word. He screamed at me, threw things and just went into a full blown tantrum. I had had all I could take at this point. I went into our bedroom and grabbed some clothes and a few things, I was going to go stay a few days with my friend laurie. I started walking out when he demanded to know where I thought I was going. I told him that I needed to get away cause I was not going to be treated and talked to like a piece of garbage. That's when he walked over and slapped me so hard it knocked me down!  he told me that I wasn't going anywhere, and If I ever tried to leave again It would be the last thing I'd ever do. He said that if I tried to tell anyone about it he'd know, and I would regret ever taking my first breath in this world. I was stupid enough to believe he'd actually do it. He was a big man, 6'7" to my 5'4" I lived like this for the next 2 months, trying to figure out how to get away without anyone suffering possible reprecussions from helping me. The last straw came one day when I came home from work to find him drinking as usual, only now he was drinking shots of tequila. and had been for a few weeks. I would try to stay out of his way but that would set him off and he'd slap me or push me and the screaming and insults would begin. this particular day I went into the kitchen, and went to feed the dog, a little pomeranian he'd gotten when we were dating. The most precious little guy, even he would hide from my husband when the tantrums started, which was almost everyday. anyway, the poor little dog tried to go around my husband to get into the kitchen, and my husband reached out and grabbed him and started playing way too rough with him, he yelped and that set my husband off, who began yelling at the poor little guy. The poor dog got so scared he accidently peed a little and it got on my husband, who threw the dog down and hurt his back leg. I lost it then and told him what a bully he was to hurt a small innocent animal.I picked up the dog to examine him to make sure he wasn't seriously hurt.  That's when he practically flew at me and started punching and kicking me, I don't remember much except that When I tried to breath it was like breathing fire. my head felt like My brain was outside of it. I was bleeding from my nose and mouth, and my finger on my left hand was twisted in an unnatural position, and the pain was shooting all thru my hand. I can barely remember him pulling me up by my hair and screaming at me with his face touching mine. I also remember him punching me on the side of my head for the 100th time, and one more kick to my back, and then it stopped.

all I remember after that was being carried somewhere, and the sound of his truck. I remember hearing people talking, and then feeling like i was floating or something. I remember comming around and seeing that I was in an emergency room, and then a nurse came in and asked me what happened to me. Apparently he had told them that he was driving down the road and saw me laying in this condition in the street, and didn't know who I was but it looked to him like I may have needed help, so he brought me in. Then he left!

I was in the hospital in critical but stable condition for a few weeks, had 2 fractured ribs, a concussion and a broken finger. I didn't recognize my face it was one huge swollen bruise. I lost my hearing in one ear but thankfully it was temporary and returned a few weeks later. He was found and arrested 4 days later, and did a year in jail. needless to say I got my divorce. It's been 5 yrs now, and I want anyone who is going thru anything like this to get out, don't let it escalate to physical abuse. Noone deserves this. and above all, just know that not all men are like this, It takes a really sick individual to hurt anyone  like this or any animal. Just get out at the first sign of ANY type of abuse, which is usually verbal at first. run, don't walk, to the nearest police station or anywhere you know that someone will help you.

 

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singlnurs singlnurs
46-50, F
6 Responses Mar 11, 2009

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.<br />
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Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. Authors may use their real name or be anonymous. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.<br />
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I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.<br />
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If you go http://sherry123456789.xanga.com/ I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: burt222@hotmail.com <br />
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I look forward to your reply. <br />
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Respectfully<br />
Sherry Clyburn

Thankyou for sharing your story, no one should go thru abuse in any way i am glad you got out. cattlemoose

Wow, my guy was once on meds too, for paranoid schitzo, he'd been off for years when I met him, but was alcoholic.

what I didn't add in my story is that I found out later that he was schitzophrenic(i'm not sure how it's spelled) and wasn't taking the meds he was supposed to for it, I never knew he had this condition, and the drinking just made it worse. He never told me about this, even tho he knew the whole time. If he had said something I would have tried to help him, at the very least made sure he took his meds. If I ever get involved in another relationship again(not likely) I think I'll do a background check!

I wonder sometimes what percentage of marriages and relationships have abuse in them. I used to think it was only mine, now that I'm "out of the closet" about it, I wonder how much is going on that isn't talked about....

Thank you for sharing your story, it is true that you just don't realize how the man is going to change. My husband verbally abused me for years, insults coming at odd time, even in the middle of the night. He'd prod me into a screaming fit, I even got arrested one time covering for him (after he'd thrown me across the driveway). He still says he didn't abuse me.... my divorce will be final in 3 days, I went back to him over 5 times during our marriage. Now I hope I can be strong enough to find a good relationship.