I was probably about twelve or thirteen. I had the perfect plan. I would go up to my family's barn and grab the big yellow rope. I would climb to the second floor, with the perfect banister. I would tie the rope around the banister, and create a noose for myself. I would wrap it around my neck, and then crawl beneath the banister, and leap. I would end it all, and with any luck I would break my neck first in the process. I was tired of life. I was tired of the sexual abuse from my father, and tired of not being able to reach out. I needed to escape.

But I decided against it, because I realized that the person who would find me like that was my Grandpa, and I could never, ever do that to him. I loved him too much to allow him to have to witness that. My Grandpa, and my Oma, as well as my mom, sister, and brother, saved me that day. That time when I knew I would have the perfect opportunity.

I love them so much. So, so much.
Shebby88 Shebby88
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 11, 2013

Wow. Powerful story!

For one so young, you have a 'mature' head on your shoulders. Remember: A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits. Writing is good therapy. Record all of your highs and lows. Some time in the future, you will be able to re-read your thoughts, and see how far you have come, and you may be able to help someone else going through similar challenges? As one door shuts, another one opens. As one relationship ends, another one is just around the corner. Stay positive, always.

Shebby, I haven't suffered the situations you have suffered, but I would encourage you to hang on in there, because good times are often just around the corner. Hold fast to your true friends and family, and you will get through it.

Thank you. :) I'm working on it. It's not always easy, but I know that I'm only nineteen and I have a whole life ahead of me that I need to make the best of, because I survived things that no one ever should have to. There are days when I want to give up and stop all of the memories, the flashbacks, the night terrors, but I know that I'm not a quitter, and I'm going to make it. :)