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This Moment

In this moment of time 
I'm just surviving

I quit my job about a month ago
I didn't get the job I wanted
My ex is being an *** and not following the court ordered parenting schedule, the police will not get involved. 
Going to court next week because he wants ME to pay him child support
My oldest son is sick with pneumonia as of today ~ spent the weekend with Dad and I was not told anything was wrong until this afternoon. 
I am dealing with government agencies that require a ridiculous amount of paperwork. 
I... am surviving.... 

I have been surviving all my life and I am so sick and tired

Sick 
and 
Tired

of just surviving. When will that door open for me?
When will that opportunity present itself to me?
When will I be able to move forward?
Life has stalled out for me. I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of waiting... I hate it. I can't do anything about it except put one foot in front of the other, take one breathe after another and try to hold it together as long as I can. 

Survivors are strong but they usually run on fumes.. I would get my refill but I'm too upset right now to do that. 
For the first time in a long time I wanna smash something. 
I want to scream at someone
I want to cry wracking sobs that make my eyes turn run and swell up

But in the end
I am a survivor and this to shall pass... 
deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response May 14, 2012

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First... I just have to say, with everything I've read - your ex sounds like a ****.<br />
<br />
But you will survive and this will pass. You are one of the strongest women I've ever encountered. Maybe you should smash something. Or go to a firing range. Or beat the crap out of your ex (no, okay, probably not a good idea). Find a way to release some of this.<br />
<br />
Just surviving is always better than just giving up.