Pregnant As A Teen.. Again.
well it was spring last year that i found out i was pregnant, back then i was 13 and had been going out with the boy for almost a year but right when i thought i was pregnant nothing but abortion crossed my mind, i thought it would be an easy thing to do and i would just forget about abt and everything would be fine. so when i was very early in the pregnancy i got the abortion and it went smoothly. i didnt even think about the baby for about a month but right as i did start thinking about it, my life completly changed. i started thinking about the what ifs too much and was depressed CONSTANTLY i started cutting alot and one day the feelings of wanting to kill myself just as i did to my own child got so out of control that i tried, i went into my moms room when i was home alone and found tons of her pills, she had high blood pressure pills, sleeping pills, and other ones. i didnt even look at what kind of pills they where i just took as many as i could and swallowed them all, i knew that i would die and thats all i wanted, i just deprestly wanted to see my baby. i remember about only about 5-10 minuites after i over dossed, then my memory started to fade away, the only memories i have feel like they where dreams and there all foggy to remember. my mom told me long after this happened that right when she got home and saw me just sitting on the couch with my eyes barley opened she knew something was wrong, she said i tried walking but fell down the stairs and she called the police ( i sorta remember the stairs part but it seems like it was a dream) i remember sitting on my moms bed while she called the ambulance but i was too high to even try to stop her, i dont recall the ambulance actually getting there but i have memories of being in the ambulance begging the paramedics just to let me die, screaming forever it felt like even after i got to the hospital, at the hospital my memories got better, i remember starting to cry as my mom held my hand next to my hospital bed, she was also crying. and i wasnt able to control my feelings or the things i said so i accidently told her how my boyfriend had raped me one day (it wasnt the time i got pregnant, so ill meantion it in another story thing) then i remember drinking some charcoal stuff to apparently get the meds out of my system and eventually i was better and i was sent to a mental hospital for the second time, and then months after that i was sent to another one for cutting. so basically the abortion ruined my entire life, but i stopped thinking about it for ahwhile, at least untill this spring. the date that i had the abortion, its aniversery. i remmeber shaking and crying for probably that whole week and i thought i was gonna start cutting again but i didnt, instead a week later i found out.... i was pregnant. apparently because i was taking an asthma medicene temporarilily that makes my birth control stop working, i didnt know that but i guess my mom tried telling me... ooppss.. of course this time i wouldnt have an abortion but my boyfriends grandmother wanted me too (she didnt know about the last abortion) i was still with the same boy but i was being pressured my everyone to have an abortion. my mom started being mean to me because i wouldnt, her whole attitude just changed and because i wanted to keep the baby i had to do EVERYTHING around the house while she just went out with friends. what a perfect excuse to be a ****** mom. i didnt want to live like this and i thought maybe an abortion would be differnt this time around because i hadnt been suicidal or cutting at all for months and months. so we made an appointment at planned parenthood and i went to the appointment, pee'd in a cup, went into the precedure room but then the lady asked me if id like to see the ultrasound first....and i said yes. i saw the little bean sized baby and almost broke down in tears. she told me to go to the waiting room and wait and right when i walked up to my mom i just said i couldnt do this, and that i wanted to leave, i wouldnt destory anothor life again, & i wouldnt make the same mistake twice. we left after her asking me if i was sure about this about 100000 times. eventually my mom got used to the fact that i am going to be a mom and she started to be excited, at 19 weeks i found out i am having a girl. so far shes healthy, im 22 weeks today. im excited (but also afriad of course) and my moms been proud of how much time and money iv been putting into learning abt being a mom and buying stuff for my baby girl. shes due on december 14th and ill be turning 15 on september 21st, most people judge me for my choices no matter if there pro-life or pro-choice they always have a reason to think bad of me. but hopefulyl after reading this long *** story some people might think differently.