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Mama To Ember Faith

So in all honesty I feel awfully strange even joining this group in the first place, or out of place, but my God Sister Charlotte (charlottejane94....I think is her screen name) said I should so I am.

Well to introduce myself...I'm Taylor. I was born and raised in Mississippi, southern Mississippi near Hattiesburg, which is sort of close to New Orleans. My Daddy's from New Orleans and his family owns a few houses there and around there along with other businesses, etc. My Mama's from Virginia and her family's well off too, so I had a comfortable, happy, upper class life. I was a little spoiled I'll admit it but my parents were (are) strict.

Anyway, I met my former boyfriend when I was 13. He was so cute, so wild, all that and also an *** I realized later. We dated secretly, although we constantly broke up. I got pregnant when I was 15 after an on and off relationship and had Ember Faith at 16, February 15th 2009. She was born a bit premature, 4 lbs 4 oz. My parents were disappointed that I was a teen mom but they tried to help us "make the best of a bad situation" even though they HATED my boyfriend. He wasn't even allowed to come over!! :P He was abusive though which I didn't tell them until a lot later. But, I tried to be a good mom and everyone said I was good at it, a natural. I don't think anyone naturally knows what to do. But, I loved Ember and tried to do my best.

When Ember Faith was just about nine months old she died of SIDS. I don't know exactly what to say about that. I loved her with all my heart. I tried to be a good mom and the doctors all said I didn't do anything to cause her death. That still doesn't make it hurt less though...nothin does. It was horrific. I think about her every day. I miss her every day. I wasn't the one who found her, my Daddy was and I do not think he will ever get over that. It broke his heart too. I don't think any of us will really ever "get over it". It's just too painful.

After that, I was depressed for a long time, of course, and eventually tried to go back to normal. I did well in school, always did really. I'm in college now. It's like...life somehow went back to the way it was supposed to be, but it isn't. Life will not ever be "normal" again. I still think of myself as a mom and even though it's been over two years since she passed away it still hurts like hell every single day.

Thanks for reading my story.

taylormarie1993 taylormarie1993 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 9, 2012

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You seem like a very strong person, if I would've lost either one of my boys I don't know if I could ever speak it out to people. My names Chelsey, I'm 20 and I have a 3 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. I'd love to chat with you. :)

well thank you, i'd love to chat too! and your sons are just too precious for words!! my oh my they'll be so handsome!

Your welcome! Message me? Aww thank you very much, I got handsome little dudes on my hands hehe. <3

Very courageous of you to write about your story. I hope you realize your strength and somehow keep a smile on your face!

thank you, that's sweet of you

I'm proud of you for sharing with everyone Tay! Love you lots! <3

love you too char

you poor thing it will be something you will never get over a awful thing for a mother to go through loosing your child there is nothing anyone can say to make it better but my heart goes out to you very sad story

thank you so much for that