I Feel Like Its My Fault.

3 nights ago I was at a university visiting my friends who are older and live there. I am 17, they are 19. I was already a wreck because my boyfriend of 14 months had broken up with me a few days before. We were playing beer pong with guys they know. I was searching for validation, and a way to feel better. I should never have drank. One of the guys there, who had also drank came onto me. It's my fault, I kissed him. I let him touch me. I told him I didn't want to have sex. I said no and tried to push him away. I try to tell myself I did all I could, but I feel so responsible. So worthless. I am falling apart. I have started cutting just to feel again. I have suicidal thoughts. I don't want to kill myself. But I don't want to live anymore! I called a hotline and they recommendedI go to the ER. But I don't feel like a victim. It's my fault.
Whispered2me Whispered2me
18-21, F
Sep 10, 2012