My Serial Rapist

This story has been unfolding since I was 14. Memories buried so deeply, I was numb for a time.
He was perfect, dreamy and smart. He said and did all of the right things. It seemed like he suddenly became a monster, but slowly. It started with degrading comments and physical violence. He was never my boyfriend. I longed for him to love me and if I was just good enough and obeyed, he'd stop hurting me. No, that never happened. It went from worse to even worse. I was so naive never dreaming that he'd rape me. But he did...over a period of a year he raped me repeatedly. The beatings were manageable, the rapes drove me into darkness. I was in a world where I felt nothing and resorted to cutting. It's been a very long time and I wonder about my rapist. People have a hard time understanding my experiences. He wasn't some masked guy jumping out of the bushes and raping me once. I knew him and I have to live with the fact that for whatever reason, stupidity or trust or giving him the benefit of the doubt, I went home with him. Sadly, I was shocked each time it happened. It was a blitz attack and I would never be strong enough or fast enough to avoid the inevitable. God help me.
LynnV LynnV
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 7, 2013

awwww hush