Party GirlI was 17 and a junior in high school. I had had my heart broken by my first love who was a manipulator, a twister of emotion. I had lost my virginity to him and slept with one other boy one time after that. Now I believe that that second boy had been a way for me to separate love and sex. A few months later, everything changed.
I forget what the occasion was but some huge party was being held at one of the guy's homes. A lot of people were going and me and some of my girl friends were planning on a night of fun and underage drinking.
I remember exactly what I wore: jeans rolled into capris with a brown belt, a plain black t shirt, tennis shoes and my hair down. I was ready to enjoy the night.
One boy was there, the best friend of my first love, I will call him L. A game of beer pong was suggested but instead of beer, shots of straight vodka were to be used in each cup. I should have known better at that moment then to play the game. I paired up with L and we played two of my girl friends across the table. I learned afterward that he had said aloud that he planned on getting me drunk that night. I cannot remember if I heard him say so or not. But no one took that as a sign that something was not right with the situation.
As the game progressed, every shot was being given to me while L didn't have any. I did not notice at the time that he was watching me the whole time to make sure I was drinking. Eventually he led me outside, just to talk. I was severely intoxicated at this point and falling fast. I remember being led away from the house, stumbling down a small rock wall and found myself in the neighbors yard, behind some sort of truck or boat. I just remember being laid on ground and my pants pulled down. I don't remember the sex. Just a darkness and him on top of me. I don't know how long it was or anything I said during. I just remember him standing up and I pulled up my jeans asking him "what did we just do?". We went back to the house and I could not walk straight. I sat down on the couch and another friend asked me if I had had sex with L. I just started to cry.
The night ended with a lot of black outs. I remember waking up the next morning and being unsure of what happened. I was blamed as a ****, an easy girl who slept with anyone who asked. I never knew it was rape until recently. I am now 21 years old. My husband was the one who had to tell me it was rape. I fell into the lie that I was asking for it. But there is nothing consensual about a sober guy purposefully getting a girl drunk, leading her away and having sex with her.
The sad part is that no one will ever remember that night as a night I was raped by a sick teenage boy. No, to them it was another easy girl getting what she asked for. I don't think L even knows what he did. It was a joke from that moment on. It led to many bad decisions afterwards. I was called a **** so I chose to become one. It has bruised me in more ways than I can express. I wish I could make it disappear.