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Party Girl

I was 17 and a junior in high school. I had had my heart broken by my first love who was a manipulator, a twister of emotion. I had lost my virginity to him and slept with one other boy one time after that. Now I believe that that second boy had been a way for me to separate love and sex. A few months later, everything changed.

I forget what the occasion was but some huge party was being held at one of the guy's homes. A lot of people were going and me and some of my girl friends were planning on a night of fun and underage drinking.

I remember exactly what I wore: jeans rolled into capris with a brown belt, a plain black t shirt, tennis shoes and my hair down. I was ready to enjoy the night.

One boy was there, the best friend of my first love, I will call him L. A game of beer pong was suggested but instead of beer, shots of straight vodka were to be used in each cup. I should have known better at that moment then to play the game. I paired up with L and we played two of my girl friends across the table. I learned afterward that he had said aloud that he planned on getting me drunk that night. I cannot remember if I heard him say so or not. But no one took that as a sign that something was not right with the situation.

As the game progressed, every shot was being given to me while L didn't have any. I did not notice at the time that he was watching me the whole time to make sure I was drinking. Eventually he led me outside, just to talk. I was severely intoxicated at this point and falling fast. I remember being led away from the house, stumbling down a small rock wall and found myself in the neighbors yard, behind some sort of truck or boat. I just remember being laid on ground and my pants pulled down. I don't remember the sex. Just a darkness and him on top of me. I don't know how long it was or anything I said during. I just remember him standing up and I pulled up my jeans asking him "what did we just do?". We went back to the house and I could not walk straight. I sat down on the couch and another friend asked me if I had had sex with L. I just started to cry.

The night ended with a lot of black outs. I remember waking up the next morning and being unsure of what happened. I was blamed as a ****, an easy girl who slept with anyone who asked. I never knew it was rape until recently. I am now 21 years old. My husband was the one who had to tell me it was rape. I fell into the lie that I was asking for it. But there is nothing consensual about a sober guy purposefully getting a girl drunk, leading her away and having sex with her.

The sad part is that no one will ever remember that night as a night I was raped by a sick teenage boy. No, to them it was another easy girl getting what she asked for. I don't think L even knows what he did. It was a joke from that moment on. It led to many bad decisions afterwards. I was called a **** so I chose to become one. It has bruised me in more ways than I can express. I wish I could make it disappear.
NotRape NotRape 18-21 3 Responses Feb 1, 2013

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The title of this story says it all... Party means party... Why don't girls get that

you were raped by a manipulative evil man.. you need to accept that you have been targeted and attacked.. you are pure girl and all the past that happened as result of that attack is his fault and not yours.. its like a driver that suffers injury after getting hit by a drunk driver, does he blame himself or the person that hit him ? he naturally puts facts straight.. its not your fault.. the things that you did out of depression as result of the attack are not your fault either.. you were suffering mentally after what those mean people said... its not your fault.. now get stronger you will keep getting stronger and better and happier.

yes, he did rape you. he was wrong. he is a rapist it seem to me he plan it out. he made a comment he will get you drunk. therefore, you was a target. in the bible it says " revenge is mine says the lord i shall repay" put this is god hands. you have to admit that you was rape than go through a healing process. take back you joy and love! keep living and i hope you heal from it all.