I Can't Let Myself Get Close To People...help?

I dont have many friends. I think its because i'm afriad ill screw up the friendship right now, so I push them away. Better safe than sorry, right? Why should I try to have friends when I am just gonna get screwed. Well, today one of my best friends stopped hanging out with me at school. I geuss she had enough of me pushing her away. Its my own fault. She was my last friend. I sat under the bleachers and had anxiety attacks all lunch, and skipped my 5th period so I could try to pull myself together.

I really want to tell my friend why I push her away, but I don;t want to be disregarded. She'll probably think that im over dramatic. I don;t want to take the chance of getting shot down again. But I really miss her. But Im scared,anxious.
RainbowDaisys RainbowDaisys
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 6, 2012

I do the same thing; I push people away before I can get hurt, because I feel in the end they will eventually hurt me and leave me, so best to end it before that can happen. In some ways, it makes me feel better, knowing I've ended the friendship before I can get hurt, but in other ways it just makes things worse. Pushing people away means I'll always be the one ending up alone, and I don't want to be alone.

So, somehow, we need to get past the negative outlook on things, we need to get the "I'll push them away so they don't hurt me first" out of our heads, because we don't know what the future holds; they could be someone who would never hurt us, yet we push them away anyway because those who have hurt us in the past have made us believe that everyone would do the same. But that's not true, everyone is different, and there are people out there who'll appreciate us and never even think of hurting us. We just need to take chances.

I also think it would be good to talk to your friend about it, and if she refuses to understand or care, then she's not really a friend in the first place. Which would be sad, but maybe it will help you move on and find someone who will respect you. Good luck! (:

I know how you feel., I had a boyfriend for 3 years and I pushed him away and now that I want him back he doesnt want me because he does not understand my borderline personality disorder. All I can say is go up to your friend and truly tell her whats going on. If she doesnt believe you or understand try to explain it to her. If she still doesnt listen and still doesnt want to be your friend she was never truly your friend. Good Luck<3