Living A Life Of Fear, I Only Want My Mind To Be Clear.

it's almost like i've been sucked into a black hole, i feel like who i really am dissapeared into nothing. my whole school year was torchure. in fact my whole jr high years were torchure, and i just can't figure out what i've done so incredibly wrong to deserve this. a year ago i was having the time of my life, living like a teenager should, now my days consist of staying up until my parents wake up for work, and sleeping until dinner, i skip almost every meal, dodge every phonecall, and play every sad song. it's almost like i got use to being alone, leaving this house is basically a task for me, a task that just won't become complete. i might as well get a target tattooed to my forehead because that's all ive been since my years in school. im getting sick of being the target. getting made fun of everyday of my life. always letting people walk all over me, because im to afraid to speak up and say something, '' ignore them. '' and '' there just jealous! '' is what people try to tell me. so what do i do? i ignore the haters. let them crumple there papers up and throw them at me during class, let them call me names, let them blame me for my family's problems. and let them tell me things like '' you should just kill yourself and make everyone happy. '' well dear bullies: i've considered it more than you could imagine. oh wait, they already know that. because they've also made fun of me for being '' suicidal. '' i've went from so incredibly happy and bubbly, to somebody i don't know, somebody so quiet and bottled up. somebody i don't want to be anymore. the things teenagers will do to make somebody feel this way amazes me, because i know i could not ever put somebody through such pain. i just keep telling myself that karma will come back to haunt them, and that i need to be strong. but sometimes i get so sick of trying to be strong, sometimes i feel so weak, to the point where i can barely lift myself up. i have no close friends, i've become distant with my family, which makes me feel worse. i feel like everyone thinks im this pretty girl, with tons of friends, and a bad attitude towards people. my looks don't reflect on who i am, and how i am towards people, im so sick of being judged. i want to snap out of this and pull the curtain up reveiling a happy girl who won't get made fun of, get threatened, and think of killing herself. because of bullying.. i am a teen with depression.
keyleej keyleej
1 Response Aug 9, 2010

Stay Strong, I Feel The Same.