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Just Wanna Leave.....

I have always struggled with life, whenever I would try to ask for help or tell anyone how I felt they wouldn't understand and think that their was something wrong with me and leave, I tried telling my parents but they never listen to me and laugh, I just feel alone and sad and think that I just have no life. I really don't understand why i'm alive... and I don't think I ever will, life gets so cruel and confusing and I just break down and cry all day and night, I just feel that their is nothing left for me and that i'm a screw up, i'm always sad, lonely, tired and just so weak, I never though thatĀ emotionalĀ pain and abuse could be so painful . usually when i'm sad I slit my wrist and just lay down to calm myself down or take a warm back and just cry but of course my pain always comes back, being sad isn't fun at all and I really never enjoy crying and just feeling lonely. their is no reason for me, I usually look at the clouds wishing I was their so I could just be at peace, my one wish would be that I could just fall asleep and never wake up so I would finally enjoy myself in my own dreams.
Fezzii Fezzii 18-21, F 21 Responses Oct 20, 2011

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you are perfect and beautiful just the way you are!!!!! I had major depression for 1 year and a half and I found the right support, that's all you need :) you need to find the right support because you deserve to be happy because you are worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a grand daughter going through some rough times just like you. I wish the two of you could talk, but she has isolated herself from everyone right now. I want to tell you both that life does get much better, but I know that in your teens 2 years can seem like 2 decades and you do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on and keep writing on here..

The people that are the hardest on us are always ourselves. It's hard sometimes when you think there is nothing out there for you, but believe me, there IS! You seem like such a beautiful person, inside and out. I know you must have many many people (not just on here) who love you. :)

Babe,

Listen. I may not know you as well as I'd LOVE too! Cause believe me I've read your stuff and seen your profile and your beautiful pictures and in all honesty, this world wouldn't be the same without you in it. Your beautiful, your sweet, genuine, and always sooo complimenting everyone but yourself. You are gorgeous, and I can just see the potention inside of you. Those who leave you are WEAK, and not good friends. I've had that happen to me but good people out there still exist and if I can help PLEASE BY ANY CHANCE you let me know. I know what it feels like - minus the cutting (in all hoensty I tried it and was too scared. I'm terrible at pain) but I knokw what it feels like to have no purpose, no hope, to cry all the time and I still do that till this day but I find reasons to still be here and you are here, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE, and one purpose is us meeting, I would have never met you if it wasn't for ep and I really believe I have added you for a reason. We are so alike it's unbelievable. I just want you to know how I think of you, I think your wonderful and I hate to just know that..thats how you see things. You deserve so much better.

good encouragement! LIKE!!!!

Awww thank you. <3 I hope she knows that what I wrote is true.

Stay strong sweet, things do get better trust me :} like you I find walks the best and sometimes it's good just to vent out feelings :) if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to don't be shy ^-^

just as the others here said.... I can relate to this... many parts of your story was like reading my private thoughts.. the cutting, depression... Your last sentence really hit home with me

Sadly I have my own battles with depression and loneliness but they didn't kick in until my collegiate days.

I know the pain so bad that I read stories like yours and think "If she was up for it and I was equipped for it, I'd beam us into a setting where we can share a hug."

For someone so young to feel like you do is very sad,when you have got most of your life ahead of you.You could have many good experiences,as well as some bad,but non of us knows what is waiting around the corner.You might look in the mirror and perhaps get a distorted view,you are probably not seeing what others see.to be quite honest life can be pretty ****** alot of the time non of us are immune,but you must grab the good times that come along occasionally and enjoy them.Good things come more easily to those that think positively and dont expect too much from life.Start looking at things around you.look up at the stars at night ,nature,the world is full of amazing things and beauty,simple things,try and see them in a new light.

heyy I kinda of know how you feel, it's really hard. :c and if you ever need someone to talk to just message me. you don't have to but if you're upset or lonely I'm always here. I don't judge. good luck with everything please just hang in there you will find happiness I promise. <3

know how you feel i get really depressed at times but i am lucky that i have my dogs to keep me going. Sometimes i think that if they were not around i would have done something silly by now. Sometimes just feel things tend to get on top of me and there is no way out, then i look at my dogs and they give me a reason to carry on

read one my resent story I added

Try to hang in there.I know all too well how difficult life can be.I lost my wife about 5 years ago and thought it would be impossible for me to go on.I believe there is a reason why things happen,and we have to do our best to deal with them.Best of luck to you,and please hang in there.

tell yourself constantly that you are stronger than any challenge and see ..how life changes .. for better ... No one can help you stand on your feet if ou don't try for yourself . its the first lesson a teen should learn . be on your own . and trust respect yourself first if you want others to trust and love you . . keep writing . you got the guts . best wishes

Sadly, I can relate to you. I have struggled with depression since I was about 12. I used to cut myself quite often. Are you on anti-depressants at all? I have been on just about all of them. I never wanted to depend on taking them every day. I would take them a few months to get over a really bad low then get back off them. I'm not going to sugarcoat it and say it'll all go away. It probably won't. BUT, as you get older it does get easier. For me, I have learned that I need to be on anti-depressants, Prozac specifically. I still have bad days but nowhere near the severely depressed days as when I wasn't taking them. Don't give up. There are so many people who love you, even if it doesn't seem like it. Most of the time they just don't know what to do or how to act so they think if they play dumb or distance themselves it'll go away. Or they're scared to set you off and make you feel worse.

i dont know how you feel.....may be because i dont have such issues of not being heard....i have amazing friends and siblings........may be its just part of your growth....you will find great things in life,i know it............just dont think lowly of yourself............fight with your problems, ok?

i am such a bad advisor..........sorry.....you are an aquarious like me...........we guyz often have a depressed side....and a complicated side that no one understands........just make friends and start with simple problems and be intractive and gradually, i am sure you will find someone who is worthy to know the real you........by the way, i am also here..i will listen too..

I would listen to you and hear U out, who U were metioning did not listen to you he or she is selfish and inconsiderate to you. Write to me and we can work through it, believe me I have had some very very tough life experiences and told some people and they cant imagine how I survived but those dark days made me a better person for it

Can I quote you? I agree with you. I want to leave too. Actually I think I want to remain here as a spirit or ghost. I'll wait till my family dies maybe. Even when I'm dead...oh nevermind.

My heart goes out to you because i have suffered depression too.God has helped me through all of my struggles in life. God is my refuge and strength.JESUS CHRIST died on the cross so that wecould have forgivness of our sins and so that we could have life and have it more abunduntly.JESUS is reaching out his hand to you if you just reach for him and ask him into your heart he can give you so much joy and peace in your life and your life will be worth living.<br />
If you need to talk just send me an email. JESUS loves you so much and he paid the ultiment price for your ransom by sacrifising his life so that we could have peace with the father and so by the stripes that he took on his back for us so that we could be healed of any disease even depression. He has healed my depression and gave me a sound body and a sound mind and he can do the same for you. Love and blessings to you my friend and i am praying for you too.

Awww Honey! Depression sucks! I deal with it too! Hang in there ok?

I was also a very depressed teen with detached parents. I don't really have any concrete advice for you other than hang in there. I have found that life does get better as you get older, I found my groove in my early twenties and since then there has been no looking back. Stay strong!

I completely understand how you feel, but everything can be overcome. I fell into my depression at 8 and still feel it today at 23, but the best and hardest part of depression is the fight to not kill yourself. For some reason or another I try and stay optimistic thinking we all have a purpose, I suppose thats the martyr in me.. But there has to be something, maybe a few things that make you happy. Cutting is sadly a great release but a good strand of sativa is better. I can honestly say smoking weed has kept me out of some damn dark places. And it can't hurt you to try, maybe next time you feel like cutting, smoke a bowl and take a warm bath, listen to some Iron and Wine, maybe Elliot Smith or Imogen Heap, even Cat Power. An artist just as sarrow felt as your or more and relish that they have found a way to benefit from their unwavering pain. I hate to see cute girls in a depression, always makes me think of the ending to Fatal Attraction. There is a love for everyone, just sometimes what you need isn't what you want.... I'm going to shoot you an add, if you ever need someone who may understand you need to vent to shoot me a message.