My Story That No One Knew About..

It all started in year 5 in Australia, I hit puberty and many things were changing. I had friends and I don't think no one hated me. I knew just about everyone in school and I had a lot of friends and amazing best friends. I was a really smart girl and got high grades in every subject. People always thought that I was the happiest girl around and some younger kids even looked up to me. A lot of people were kind to me and I got along with everyone.I had no problems at school and I loved it! If only life was like this at home, I would have loved living life.

Both my parents work and I have a younger brother. My parents always favour my brother over me. My mum makes me do his homework when by telling me to go help him and when he can't be stuffed anymore I had to do it for him. I have to do his chores when he's watching T.V/Movie but when I'm eating or watching something she tells me to get up (even in the middle of eating) and to go finish off my chores.He was allowed to go to birthday parties and hang out with his friends at their houses and I wasn't able to.My parents always hit me too, when I do something or say something.  While everyone was sleeping I cried in bed nearly every day. One day she talked to the principle and I told the principle the homework bits and the principle told my mum. My mum started being nice to me for a few weeks and then we had a fight one day. Every thing went back to how it was before, me doing all my brothers things for him , my parents talking bad things about me and not praising the good things I have done and I was so lonely. When we had to choose schools, (school i wanted to go) was my first preference but my parents didn't even want to know my opinion and put another school as my first preference. My family called me fat and ugly, even my uncles and aunts picked on me and said thing like " You should join the biggest loser" or "You should lose some weight, look at your cousin she looks so beautiful" and even my own family laughed and joined. It felt like my gut was being punched while just stood there and had those brutal comments thrown at me.  I cried nearly every night while everyone was sleeping. This went on for a year.

One day I just couldn't take it anymore when my mum started saying things like " We shouldn't put her into a good high school, she is just worthless", "She is so fat, look at all the other girls they are so thin and beautiful", "You are so selfish", "I wish I had (my cousin) as my daughter and not you, you don't do anything at all!", "I wish you were never my daughter". There were many more brutal things  and I felt like someone ripped my heart out because it hurt so much. So one day while my parents and brother went out I cut the word 'Die' on my wrist. I was only 12 and already cut. I always told myself that I would never cut and no one should  to harm their self to get the pain out and that they should talk to someone. The thing was that I had no one to talk to. I thought about suicide for a while but I pushed that thought away because I knew that there were some people in the world who actually loved me even if they aren't my family. I had to visit Sri Lanka because there was big occasion that we had to celebrate. My mum's cousin noticed the cut and asked what was wrong and why I did it but I never said anything. He was always asking me but I just pushed the question away. My little cousin saw it and screamed out "WHY DOES IT SAY DIE IN YOUR HAND?" luckily I was the only one in the room so I told her that it was something else. I came back home and wished that I never cut myself. The cut turned into the into a scar, I could hide it when it was winter but when spring came it became warm and I couldn't hide it anymore. I told 2 of my friends about it and they were really supportive, one gave me some oil that would fade the scar away. The scar faded away, later in the year things started looking bright and I was excited for high-school and didn't really have any problems with life.

Year 7 started out really fun, met a lot of new people and I was even in a friendship group. Some of us were in the same class and some of us weren't. I had a lot of fun in High-school. THe later in autumn I went back to Sri Lanka for my uncles wedding and when I came back everyone was really excited to see me .... until one day when the people in my friendship group started ignoring me. They ignored me all the time and I didn't even know what was wrong. I asked them, they said it was nothing. I thought they didn't want to hang out with me so I didn't hang out with them anymore, I hung out with some different people. The same thing happened, they all ignored me and when we had to go in groups I was ALWAYS left out. No one wanted to hang out with me and I didn't know why. People described me as Fun, outgoing, loveable, friendly and all sorts of other things but I didn't know why people didn't want to hang out with me. I just hung out on my own in the library. I mostly talked to my primary school best friend but that was over the phone and on chat.So the crying thing started again but this time it was more because things weren't working out at school or at home. The favouritsm was still in my family.

My parents just cared about what my brother wanted. They would get him everything, when I got a phone so did he and he was only in grade four. I didn't have a phone in grade four, and didn't have my own computer in grade 4 either. My parents get along well with my brother's best friend's parents when they didn't even make an effort to get along with my primary school best friend's parents. When his friends ask him over and my brother asks my parents they immediately say yes but when my friends ask me over they would take days to make a decision which would mostly be no. When there is an argument, I try explaining something and my mum just tells me to stop talking back and starts hitting me with her cane. I had lost a lot of weight since year 6 because I play sports to take my anger out on. I also wasn't eating as much as I usually eat. I had breakdowns nearly everyday while I was studying and I couldn't go to sleep till like 3 in the morning. I started thinking about suicide and cutting but I didn't cut because I thought about how much I regretted cutting in year 6. I thought I had depression so I looked up the symptoms test and I answered it and it said that I had depression but I didn't believe it. So I told my friend about everything on text and how I hated what my family does. She encouraged me to go and talk to a councillor and I did but I didn't talk about what was happening. I only asked about sleeping tips.

One day my mum found my phone and went through my messages (the ones that I sent to my friend) and she started screaming at me and hitting me. She started swearing at me and told me to get out of the house. I didn't want to because I knew that I would have nowhere to go because our relatives weren't talking to us anymore. So I just had to suffer the beatings, it was most painful moment of my life. I thought I was going to die, the pain didn't go away for a while. My family hated me and even though my mum had read ALL the text messages, she still didn't care about how I felt. She just called up my friends mum and told her that she didn't want my friend to mix with someone bad like me. I didn't trust anyone after that. I was thinking about killing myself by overdosing on any random pills or hanging myself but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I thought about all the amazing people I met and got to know and how much I would miss them if them if I died and how much they would miss me.

One day at school this girl I knew asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends. I hung out with them and we all became best friends. I was even invited to a party and was allowed to go but my parents still didn't make an effort to get to their parents. They just said that I was always partying even though it was like one party that I was allowed to go to. I got good marks in all the subjects and was a good student at school but my parents were always on about the little mistakes I made. My brother hardly studies and my parents praise him. At the end of the year I found out that we were going camping for new year's eve with my brother's best friend's family.I was upset. I wasn't allowed to go to anyone's house or meet up with anyone during the holidays and my brother went over to his best friend's house many times and even went camping!

I'm in year 8 now and my parents are still the same. My mum still hits me. It's like they don't want me to have any friends. I am still in the same friendship group and I love all of them. One asked me to come to her party and my parents said yes. Then my mum had a was arguing with my dad and started taking it out on me. I stood up for myself when she was like "you are always partying" and I was like "this is the first party this year that I have been invited to". Then she just said that I couldn't go and to tell my friend that I can't come, so I told her. Now she is saying that I'm very impatient and blaming things on me. I just can't take it anymore, I tried to cut myself (this time on the thigh) but I couldn't do it. I cry every night and I always put on a fake smile. I act the way my mum wants me to be but when the real me comes out she hates me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like killing myself sometimes or cutting myself. I don't want anyone ever to go through what I have gone through.

I know this is very long but I just wanted to share it with someone. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. 
It would really help if you help me out somehow. I t feels so much better writing this down.
firedroplet firedroplet
13-15, F
3 Responses May 5, 2012

You'll achieve a great much. Every suffering makes one stronger. My mother had this also as a child, this has made her a million times stronger. You were given an opportunity, a drive to do better. I hope you turn this opportunity into a positive way to do better to this world. Thank you for writing this down, I look up to you, you are extremely strong. And I am not one of those younger kids ;)

Thank you, It is nice to know that people who have gone through the same pain have become much stronger and that this has helped them :)

I am so sorry you are going through this ((HUGS)). You seem like a very sweet girl. I have a 16 y r old daughter, and I would never treat her like the way your mother treats you. You seem like an amazing daughter that anyone would be proud to have. You should be treated good, and should be loved unconditionally by both parents.<br />
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You said your brother gets better treatment. What culture or nationality are you? Some cultures and nationalities treat boys better, because the men in their culture are superia, and woman are looked down upon. Even little girls. So, if this is the case this maybe why you are treated so poorly, however, even if that is the case that is not right, and in this day in age everyone should be treated equally. <br />
Some day when you have children of your own you will know how to treat your children equally and not pass down this awful treatment to your children. <br />
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I would strongly suggest speaking with a counselor at school or a teacher you trust. You need all the help you can get, because of this treatment you are suffering mentally, and it is interfering with your life in an unhealthy way. Maybe once you tell someone they can help you get out of the situation, and you could possibly live with another family member, or a friend, if their parents are willing to take you in. Either way you are not safe there. <br />
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Like you said, you have a lot of people that love you, because you are a beautiful person inside and out. Sometimes when we are that beautiful and kind, people who are envious or jealous want to hurt us so we can feel just as bad as they do. Do not let this affect you. Remain strong, believe in yourself and know you have a beautiful future ahead of you. When you are old enough to be on your own , you do not have to stay in contact with your family. Live for yourself, let go of the hurt and anger and forgive them, so you can be free. <br />
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I am going to give you the phone number to the boys and girls town national hotline. It is in the united states and I don't know the country code, but you can look that up online. They provide 24hr crisis counseling on varied problems for children and adolesents, they provide infomation and referrals. It can be good for when ever you need to talk to someone when you aren't feeling good about yourself, they can also offer you help if you want it. 1-800-448-3000.<br />
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If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to msg or email me. I wish you luck, and all the peace,love and happiness this world can give you.

(hugs back) thank you so much, I belong to a hindu culture but I live around mostly catholics. I do think that people in our culture think men are more superior. I do not agree to this however, since women are the ones who gave life. You are right about when I have kids,I will treat them equally, there have been times when I have thought about that.

I was so upset and needed to share this with someone so I think I hurried this a bit. I forgot to mention that I do love my family and there are parts in my life where they have done things for me like when I was really little and was living in Sri Lanka I used to do athletics and my mum and dad(if he isn't working) used to come to all my athletics tournaments and cheer me on. I also did over 7 other after school activities, this was before I migrated to Australia.

I think the stress of getting a new house and jobs and settling in was too much for them but sometimes i wished life would go back to the way it was in Sri Lanka. I was probably too upset and only thought about my side of the story when writing this, my parents did put me in a expensive school (a good one) so i could get good education. I know that they do love me and want the best for me but they don't show the love as much.

Your advices and everything you said really helped me think better of myself. Thank you so much again :)

Yes I will help you out,dear. See as you are from Srilanka you might not noticed the stones used in temples. The stone which cannot withstand the beating of the chisel is thrown to the ground, and the stone which is strong enough to withstand the hard and minute carvings, is used for the God statue. So, what are all your parents doing are not good, but it will shape you to be strong, good and wise. Yes, it is hard from today's point of view. And wait and see your brother would be a spoiled child.

Thank you so much, I am hindu therefore I go to the temple and I've have seen these stones. I never thought about it the way you saw it. This made me smile when you said that it will shape me to be strong, good and wise. I might be able to think of the experience differently now. Thank you so much for showing your support. I really appreciate it:)

Your welcome my child, I also felt like you when I was young. But, looking back, if god will appear in front of me and ask, do you want heaven or the pains I have you in all these years, I would tell him give me those pains again. They only brought me better than the ones around me. No Pain, No Gain.

Now every time I'm in pain I will know that I'm only getting stronger and better.

Yes, not only that you are going to gain much more than the pain.

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