Realizing Reality

I feel so stupid right now. This is all literally from the top of my head right now. No rough drafts or anything. anyway i really do feel stupid right now. The depression is making me lose my friends, my family, and everything i really love. I know what depression is. i always have. But now, i am actually living it, have been for a while, and it's killing me on the inside. Like a book i'm reading said, everyone is bleeding in the inside, and thank God for that because imagine how gory our already messed up world would be. Thankfully though, i'm not too depressed right now, i just feel really guilty about losing everyone. I don't belong with the people in my life. i have neglected most of them, and the very little that talk to me have a life, and they can't always be there for me, let alone talk to me that much. I think of the moments in life when i was happy and i honestly can't remember any from right now in this time except for when i was younger, and i was surrounded by people. A mixture of friends, family, and trusting adults. Now, my world is so blurry and vague and i can't do anything about it now. i want to, but i can't motivate myself to do what i know i need to do. i can't motivate myself to tell the people i love that i do love them, or that i want to talk, but i don't feel i deserve to talk to amazing people, or even let out the horrible thoughts i keep bottled up inside. I can't let myself be free if it means having to let the negativity and horrid thoughts free as well. it's almost like saying i'm letting out this evil that really should not be in our world. what i'm saying is, i need to find a way to let out my depression, in a way that won't hurt me more than it already has, or anyone else in the process. thanks for reading this if any of you actually do.
serenity4getMeNot serenity4getMeNot
18-21, F
1 Response May 25, 2012

I'm a teen with depression to

how are you handling it?