This Is How I Feel.

I feel like my life is slowly coming to an end.
I feel as if there is no way out of this hell.
I always feel like i am such a horrible person, like there is no reason why i should even be here on earth.
People always call me a "fatass" or "fat" or a "*****".

I have been anorexic once-i got a concussion two years ago and it made me even more depressed, so i stopped eating.
I lost 10 pounds within one month, and then instead of people calling me a "fatass" i was called the anorexic girl.
I weighed 110 pounds, and i am 5'10". I felt so beautiful and skinny in that body, but i felt like i could do so much better.
So i stopped eating even more.
The most i would eat was an apple a day. Not even a full apple, like a half of a apple.
When i didn't loose more weight i became very upset and started to cut myself.

Cutting myself helps me get away from everything... Instead of having the pain in my head and chest, i draw it down to having it all on my wrist.
I don't like how i cut myself, but it makes me feel so much better.

Also i am suicidal.
I want to kill myself so bad, i have tried overdosing so many times and it never works.
I just want to be in peace, not having to worry about anything anymore.
Everything just seems so simple when your dead.
And thats what i want, to be dead.
miamiheatforevrx miamiheatforevrx
18-21, F
4 Responses Sep 23, 2012

I fell the same as you do I feel that am so ugly that I souldnt even be on earth an I blame god for making me this way but keep your head up cause ur not the only person that feel this way

Dont give up, and dont give in!

I have been a cutter, and I cut my wrists once. Thankfully I survived.

Depression is a terrible illness because it sucks all the joy and light out of life. It alters your reality.

My life isnt all fun and happiness all the time....but there are times when I am glad to be alive. I look back and I thank god that I didnt die.....I was in a place then and made me think that there was nothing to live for. But there is. There really is! You just dont see it at the minute.

Get need support, you need to talk things out, you need some care. Dont deny yourself the opportunity to be happy again just because of what you are going through right now.

Things can and do get better once you break through the cloud over your head.

you have beautiful writing and i know i probably feel nothing compared to what you do, but stay strong if i can overcome the cutting and overdosing and every other suicidal thought i have you can too. its hard its really hard i think about cutting myself everyday to feel that release of emotion like you can just see your pain drip down your arm. but it doesnt help it really doesnt i promise you that i am still to this day depressed and everytime i look at my wrist and see those scares i shiver because i now know that no matter how hard life gets or trys to screw you over you can over come it believe in yourself.
my sister is anerexic its really scary i just wish she would love her body the way it is because she is beautiful. and i am sure you are beautiful. but take it slow dont overdue yourself. if you stop being anerexic and you start recovering you will feel so much better you need a new YOU but not a "be what everyone else wants me to be" kinda you. just you. you are probably a very kind caring person and i know for a fact if you were gone you would impact lives. i had a friend commit suicidefriday july 13 of this year. her story sounded just likes yours. and now i am heartbroken she is gone. so just think of yourself and the people who really matter in your life. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox stay strong love.

Thank you. <3