No Body Will Listen To Me...

my depression started about 3 years ago... and when I started cutting the teachers found out, but by the time they found out the wounds looked like silly little scratches because they almost completely healed. I can remember the face of the dumb school nurse as she saw them. she rolled her eyes and looked at the other nurse. I don't know why but I always seem to smile when im being looked at so when they asked how I was feeling and I had a smile on my face I just knew that they were thinking I was doing this for attention. it made me angry. I have these really weird mood swings where at the start of the day I can be really normal, then i'll be really happy and jumpy then I will be angry, tied and tearfull. I go through all of them within 6 hours. but that only really happens every half year. my dad thinks I just do it so people will notice me. and even when last year, when my entire left arm was covered in marks, and most are still on my arm now he hasn't changed his mind and thinks im doing it for attention. it was only then when the school started to pay attention. I felt like a parcel, being passed along to different people. they didn't believe when I said I don't know why I feel like this. they think its because I must be getting bullied or family problems. I tried telling them its just that I feel useless and that theres a part of me in my mind that wants me to cut. but they wouldn't take that as an answer. so I just told them parts of my life that made me sad once. people think im a freak. I think it was last year the school sent my dad a note saying they booked me an opiontment at the doctors. I begged my dad not to take me so he warned me that if I do anything like that again he'd drag me there. but I hate doctors and I feel like they are just nosey. pointless. time wasting. "by the book" people who will take one look at me and think im a joke.
olivialibbykate666 olivialibbykate666
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 6, 2013

Maybe you are talking to the wrong people. What would you like people to say to you? Why DO you cut? What does that relieve? And do you want to stop doing it or what`s the plan?