It's Not Depression It's Just The Bluesokay,i'm in 8th grade and i'm starting to feel sad and inadequate.just the other day i found out i failed my end of cource exam (EOC) for the 3rd time.i can't help but feel my life is filled with failure.all of a sudden my grades are dropping and i feel i'll never get out of middle school even if i did things would just get harder,my teachers don't seem to care and fill my face with Cs and Ds .life seem like a big overwhelming task.i also feel lonely i have a best friend and 2 other friends but when they aren't around i start to feel sad.i had one guy friend but when some people told him i liked him he started ignoring me and this year he got a girlfriend(indian) she pretty rich smart and makes friends with everybody.after that i started to feel lonely i saw all the other kids in groups of friends laughing and despised people who had girlfriends and boyfriends and who didn't feel my pain.i already feel i'll fail FCAT and never get out of 8th grade.it feels like God doesn't care,he never had to take complicated exams and i really prayed that i passed ,i think it's just me.i finally got a guy friend(but he has to move away in a month or two) and he's a little weird and in 7th grade.i'm pretty quiet and shy and i'm so sad i no longer like boys or girls.i'm not in the mood for anymore emotional strain and i am not attracted to other people i don't know.alot of people who are depressed harm themselves but i don't want to hurt myself.i'm happy the majoriy of the time so i just get really bad blues.sometimes it lasts for half a day then i get back to my old self.i feel confused lost and unsure.it hurts so bad to fail that EOC i studied and everything i realy thought i was going to pass but it just had to throw up back into my face.i lost confidence in my knowledge and i'm questioning my education.the girl who my used to be friend's girlfriend passed the test with flying colors and passes EVERYTHING.i just wish my used to be friend would atleast act like he cared or anybody and understand ); I'M TIRED OF THIS FAILURE...
i also hate girls(definatly most boys too)if they are not nice. i live in florida and the girls aremean crazy and loud(some aren't) i hate when guys talk to girls cause it seems stupid and just hearing them talk makes me sick and run away.they always leave me out and when a guy talks to me i have nothing to say because i feel wierd and gross and don't like boys and i don't wear fancy clothes i wear a realy baggy jacket (FYI i'm a girl)other girls wear nice clothes and when someone compliments them i get jelous(not that i realy care) and they say thanks.but when someone compliments me it's not the same and i go quiet not that people compliment me anyways. i'm not really ugly but i have short hair(i cut it when i was sad) many say i'm pretty,i'm not realy sure sometimes i feel realy pretty (like i'm on top of the world) or realy ugly and want to hide.i feel lonely in some classes my favorite class is us history and LUNCH.. i can't understand why i hate girls so much (70% of the time)BUT I DON'T HATE THEM ALL..if someone is REALLY REALLY nice i like them
An EP User 1 Response 1 Jan 11, 2013