I Dont Know What to Do.
Im 16, I hate saying i have depression even though i know its true. I hate my life and everything about it. Counslers have never helped because i know that they really dont know how i feel, im just another kid in their office. My brother was beaten ever since he was a little kid. My father got my sister pregnant and she had a challenged baby. She killed it. I live with my grandma out of town, but my mom lives in town. So im always there. Everyday, it never fails, my brother has a freak out. If my mom doesnt do something he wants, or she tells him no, he screams and yells and calls her REALLY bad names. He breaks things ALL the time. We have no doors in the house cause of it. He is bipolar and has PDS. Everyone thinks i get jeleouse of him cause he gets so much attention. But its not that, its just that they think he is in so much pain they dont pay attention to the pain i have. They know its there, its just not important because my brothers is worse. My mom did dope while i was a baby so i have never really been with her. Today, i told mom a secret and she told all my friends. I got mad, and she kicked me out. I told her i wanted her to just shut up and not tell anyone. What i dont undersand is, i try to be my best everyday, i never do anything wrong. But im always the one in trouble. My brother NEVER gets in trouble. It sounds like little kid stuff. But i promise its not. That is just one of the few problems. My brother tells me all the time, "i dont know why your here, mom does not love you there is not point, you need to just kill yourself so we dont have to see you anymore." Mom hears it. And says nothing. I hid cutting myself from EVERYONE. And now that my brother knows, he wont leave me alone. Always calls me a poser and says i should cut a little deeper. I have been good about not doing it anymore. Sometimes i cry for no reason. Like im just sitting there, and i cry. I dont leave the house... ever. I want to fix things, i want everything to be better. I need someone to talk to, no one listens. I dont know what to do.