I Feel The Need To Rant And I'm Looking For Some Advice /:
I am 17 years old, and growing up I never was really got into the boy crazy mode most of my friends got into. I thought this all to be normal and I just needed to wait for the right guy to come along...but that guy never really came along. For a few years now I have been seriously considering the possibility that I might be gay, but not sure. One big event that did happen was that over winter break I met this beautiful girl I became really close friends in a matter of days and fell head over heels for. In fact, on the first night I met her we were eating pizza and she asked me if I ever considered dating a girl. To be honest, I initially felt shocked because thats something I have never talked about with anyone before, much less someone I had just met. And besides I was curious if/what she was implying with the question. She told me how her friends had tried to set her up with girls before but nothing ever worked out. To be honest I wasn't quite sure how to answer the question, and I think I carefully told her that I want to end up with someone who makes me happy, and she agreed with me. Strangely though, the conversation ended their and she never brought this up again. However, literally the next day she got a boyfriend. And strangely enough, I felt really hurt by it. In fact I was surprised by how much it bothered me. But too make a long and complicated story kind of short whenever I was with her I felt really happy and well just happy lol. And when I wasn't with her I wanted to hang out with her. It was such a strong emotional intensity that I really had never felt with anyone before. Even though she boyfriend she still stayed really close to me. She would always do things like give me pecks on the cheek and constantly hug me...etc. I guess to put it simply she was very comfortable physically and emotioanlly around me. In fact, people could not believe it when we tell them we had only met a few days before. Someone even commented that we must have been "sisters in a past life". The time I had with her was some of the best few days of my life. But after break was over we both returned home. She lives several states away from me. I thought that with the distance I would be able to forget about her and move on. However, I found that over the last few months I have felt even more strongly towards her and I miss her terribly. Its Spring Break now, and by chance I am visiting my grandparents for the week where she lives. I contacted her and she euthiastically thought it would be awesome to hang out for a day or something. I thought this would be a good opportunity to sort out my feelings for her and really see if I like her or if I had just gotten caught up in the moment over winter break. Basically I could use the opportunity to tie up some loose ends. However, we had planned to meet on Friday (which was today) but she had to cancel at the last minute because of a family issue with her brother. I'm leaving to go back home tomorrow there is no way I can see her again before I leave, so I probably won't be able to visit her for several more months. I feel disappointed, and kind of lost and confused. I don't know what to do to move on, or what to do, or really how I feel. I'm not sure if anyone can really help me with this, but do any of you have any suggestions?