SabineIt was about two years since I had last been with Alise….I was 14 then and just starting high school….and I longed to be with another girl again.
I was awkward….a late bloomer….I had braces….and I was nerdy. It was a perfect combination to be ignored….and it seemed most everybody did.
I was shy too, so I shrank away from joining school clubs….but I loved to read, so I did spend hours in the library. Sabine worked in the library.
I would see her there most of the time….usually plainly dressed….hair in a French braid or pony tail….and thick rimmed glasses. She looked smart. Eventually she became used to my presence there and we would smile at each other in acknowledgement.
One day I was looking for books about teenage sexuality, women’s studies….lesbianism. I walked back and forth from the computer file and the shelves, unable to locate the book I wanted. Suddenly I found her peering over my shoulder asking if I needed help. I quickly said “No”, packed up my things and hurried out. It took me three days to go back….and I hid away in a back corner.
I was reading, engrossed in a book, and didn’t see her until she sat down beside me. “Is this what you wanted?”….it was. I just looked at her dumbfounded and began to stumble on my words. “You left it up on the screen.” she interrupted. “I checked it out under my name already, so no one will know you have it, ok? Just give it back to me when you’re done.”
“Why?” I asked her stunned. “Because people aren’t very good to you when you are different.” she stated rather bluntly. “Are you different?” She was kind and gentle but forceful too in her question.
“I think I am.”
We talked all the time after that. We’d meet in the library before school started and after school we would hang out until they kicked us out.
Sabine was 15, in grade 10. She had these amazing green eyes that went perfectly with her chestnut coloured hair. Her skin was perfect….and she had beautiful hands, not with long nails but well manicured. She wasn’t a stunning beauty but I found myself more and more captivated by her beauty as each day passed. She was smart. She knew so much and was so up to date on things in the world. She seemed brave to me…like she could walk through a crowd of dissenters and be untouched by it all.
We had not spoken about my sexuality since that day with the book….and then it just happened. It was late….the library had closed, and we were walking through the deserted hallways of the school. Suddenly Sabine pushed me against a wall of lockers and kissed me fully on the mouth. She stayed in it with me till I let go and opened my mouth….allowing her probing tongue access. I went weak….and that place between my legs began to ache. Finally she broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. We were very close…her body pressed to mine….her breath heavy on my face. “Isabel, I want you to be my girlfriend.”
I began to cry….I always cry it seems. She brushed my tears away and asked if she had upset me. “Sabine,” my voice lingered on her name, “Please. Yes I want to be your girlfriend. I really do.” And we kissed again….for a long time.
Even though we tried to be discreet, it didn’t take long to get around the school. Some things you can’t easily hide and I didn’t care….I was falling in love with her.
I started going over to her house often, first for a couple of hours….we would do homework together…then I would stay for dinner….and then I started sleeping over on weekends. Sabine lived with just her mother, who was a very cool woman. She was extremely supportive of our relationship and you could tell she loved her daughter deeply. I wished she was my mother.
My home life was rocky at best….lots of alcohol, drugs….and a constant stream of men. So I hid away every chance I could with Sabine.
I loved being with her. We would talk about everything…in the most intimate detail. She knew me better than anyone else. We would listen to music together….and dance…sometimes slow. We would try on clothes….Sabine was only slightly bigger than me so it was easy to trade outfits. Her mom would buy her pretty underwear and she would model it for me and then let me try it on too.
We started sleeping together in the nude. I loved the feel of nothing but her body against mine. After the first time her mother had come in the morning to wake us both for breakfast and I was completely embarrassed. She sat on the bed beside us and just said “Issy you are safe here. Whatever you and Sabine wish to have together, I will support. I want my daughter to be happy.” After that I didn’t feel so awkward and she was like a mom to me too, so I never worried anymore about her seeing me naked.
So, we slept together almost every weekend it seemed. My mom didn’t care that I wasn’t home….she was happy to have the babysitting service.
It was very innocent at first….oh we kissed like crazy, always making out….but in bed we just cuddled. Then we started taking baths together…or sometimes showers and this became a sort of inroad to us washing each others bodies….getting more comfortable with touching each other’s bodies…..and we did!
Our relationship lasted about a year an a half until the ill fated night that I actually had Sabine sleep over at my house. My mother was drunk, again, and her boyfriend came into my room in the middle of the night. Sabine and I were of course naked in bed, and to this day I don’t know what truly happened but I woke to her screaming and him standing there. Sabine was sent home….picked up by her mother and boyfriend at 3:30 in the morning. I was kicked out for 3 days.
The next two weeks were hell for me. We saw each other at school and I knew she still loved me, but something had changed and we didn’t talk the same way….I wasn’t invited to her house….her mother was trying to protect her.
No matter, at the end of the two weeks I was arrested and sent to juvenile detention for putting a knife in my mother’s boyfriend when he tried to molest me.
I never saw her again. We connected on Facebook eventually, when I was still on Facebook. She had moved on with new girlfriends…..and our time was over.
Sabine was the first person I ever fell in love with, the best person I ever fell in love with, and to this day I am still.