No One Knew I Was Pregnant.

June 2008 I found out I was pregnant. I had just turned 19.  My boyfriend of almost two years at the time was completely disgusted with me when I told him. His exact words to me were "Ugh, I'm going to puke." he broke up with me shortly after that. I considered abortion, but it just wasn't me I couldn't do go through with that. SO I decided to secretly go through with the pregnancy. Knowing that I couldn't support my baby on my own.Iconsidered adoption. It wasso hard to have no support for those 41 weeks.I worked through my whole pregnancy just trying to make ends meets. I was very sick most of the pregnancy also.

On February 16th 2009 at 4:30 in the morning I started have contractions. I just laid in bed enduring the pain thinking that it would eventually go away, I was worng it got worse and more intense. By 11:30 I finally got up to drive myself 45 minutes to the hospital. When I got there I was already 9cm dialated. Before I knew it I had to start pushing. I didn't have time for and epidural, nnot even an ounce of pain medication.It was the worst pain I had even felt well at least I thought.  by 2:09 pm I had given birth to a beautiful 8 pound and 8 ounce baby boy.

I held him for hours. I tried not to get attatched knowing that he would be leaving me soon, but I couldn't help it. He is my whole heart. My everything. Giving him up has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And it has been the worst pain I've ever felt. He looks identical to me. I know his adoptive family is wonderful and they love him as much as I do. They can provide him everything I couldn't as a parent. He can grow up with a mother and father present. Something I never had. I will miss myson everyday. I have cried everydaysince I left the hospital. If I could go back intime, and could have found the support offered I would have. Now that I'm aware of all the help out there I wish I would have found it earlier.

If you are all alone. Iunderstand your pain and your need for support. Don't give up and hide yourself from the world if you are alone. Find support, it will help so much i the longrun. Dont think about how people will see you, there are people who care out there and will help. Love yourself  enough to get help. Iwish I could go back and find the help. And even if you consider adoption, it'san act of selfless love. you want the best for your baby. You dont want for them to struggle,.

I love my son with all my heart. He is my inspiriation. My precious little Gavin Tyler.

021609gtf 021609gtf
18-21, F
6 Responses Feb 25, 2009

You should do public speaking. That's the only comment I can say because even though you didn't go into a lot of detail, you just touched me in a way that makes me think you could help a lot of girls in a similar situation. Your son should be proud of you for giving him a better life and not allowing you both to suffer. I admire you, simply

what kind of help is there?

Wow, you are amazing.... I am only fifteen and If I think forward four years I know I would be selfish and abort the baby ... I wish you the best of luck and maybe you can see him one day when he is older or if you can meet with him every now and again?

Thank you Krypton. Knowing that another person admires my decision, helps me feel better about this whole situation. At first, I felt like the worst person in the world, but with the people on EP I am truely coming to see that this was right. I know my mind and heart are in two seperate worlds right now. Thank you again. It helps so much.

I admire what you did and it is a true act of selfless giving. You didn't think about what you want or how hard it would be for you. You chose the path that was best for your child instead. I have a friend who gave up two children for adoption. The children are now in college and she knows that she made the right decision. You will always love and think about your son, that is part of being human, but know in your heart that you did the best that you could. HUGS

Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story....I really feel for you...your love for your son is beautiful and I would encourage you to write down your feelings and pain in a notebook because one day your son will appreciate reading how you felt. It will help him KNOW that you gave him to a family out of love for him, and that you didn't abandon him.<br />
hugss xx