My Story...

My depression started in March 2010 and is still sticking with me today unfortunately. I didn't realized that I was depressed until about July 2010 though. It started out with me just being sad most of the time and not wanting to hang out with my friends as much as I used to and simple stuff like that. Then once the summer came I began to babysit my 6 year old niece "K". She is not a nice girl I'll say that right now, she tells me she hates me, doesn't listen to me, spits at me, hits me, and just completely disrespects me in every way possible. I hate to say this but its the truth, she not only ruined my summer but caused me to slip into an even deeper depression. 
It continually got worse and worse until now, its January 2011 and I am at my all time low. I never want to hang out with my friends, I only do because I don't want them to suspect anything, and I just want to lay down and sleep all the time and do nothing.
I've cut myself, I've thought of suicide, and considered running away when summer came around again. I have never felt this way before and I have no idea how to cope with it and heal. I listen to my music everyday, its like my little getaway I suppose, but when I shut it off its like I'm thrown back into reality and I get a wake up call, only I don't wake up, I keep drifting and can't seem to find my way back. I know I need help, I know I need therapy, but I don't want it, I don't want to be treated differently, I just want to be me again...
lemach94 lemach94
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 4, 2011

Hey, have you tried any anti-depressants?<br />
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i recommend lexipro, which can be bought over the counter. But, you can also get prescribed other anti-depressants from the doctor. They help alot!<br />
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You also need to stay positive as much as possible.<br />
Look into the mirror every day and say atleast one or two things that are positive, EVEN if you don't think they are positive.<br />
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For example : I might say i love myself, and i think im good looking..etc even if i tell myself im not.<br />
It's a psychological thing, so i suggest you start doing it.<br />
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As far as not being motivated to hang out with people...<br />
I hear ya, as I was in that same situation in the past. Just remember your true friends will help you out in times like look up to them for help<br />
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I hope some of this helps!<br />
I can say my life has made a complete turnaround thanks to someone extremely special to me.<br />
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Maybe all you need is some love in your life! so go out and explore, you never know who is out there, and meant for you.<br />
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Also, keep in mind that if you choose suicide, just think of all the people you will hurt. Do you really want that? do you really want to see your mom, your dad, your friends..everyone cry? <br />
Dont do it...its not worth it.<br />
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Good luck!