I Realized I Was A Terrible Girlfriend Too Late.
I ruined what could have possibly been a good relationship.
I worried over the wrong things when really, I shouldn't have worried at all. I was worried about him not being able to keep a job. I was worried about him still living with his parents and still not paying for much because he's several years older than me, but really, everyone just grows at their own rates.
I was worried every time he went to parties without me and hung out with his best girl friends, going on trips with them to other states for just fun getaways. I got upset when he wanted female roommates, and when he had sleepovers with female friends. I shouldn't have gotten jealous when he went out with his female friends to bars without me, sometimes late at night, and I shouldn't have gotten territorial over him. I should have trusted him instead of questioning it. I shouldn't have argued with him.
I was worried about how he would rack up debt for himself and act like it wasn't there, but really I shouldn't have said anything to him. That was his life and his choices. There was so much more I realized I shouldn't have done, and now I realize that I deserve every bad thing he's said about me to his friends and people he knows. I was a horrible person. I said it because I cared about him, but I shouldn't have cared about those things.
I should have just cared about him as a person separate from his lifestyle. I shouldn't have confided in him my fears and worries for myself, because those aren't his problems. I should never have expected him to pay for our dates, I should have never have gotten upset that he never surprised me with anything while I always found stuff to surprise him with, I should never have called him every day, and I shouldn't have tried to see him often.
I tried to be the best to him, I thought I did for him what was best, but in the end I just made him miserable and now he absolutely hates me, and now I can understand why. I should have just let him alone and do whatever he wanted.
I shouldn't have gotten mad that he prioritized everything else in his life before me, because his life should be priority for himself, and because his friends and family were there first and that girlfriends can come and go. I shouldn't have felt insecure, and I should have been more patient. I should have just lived my own life rather than trying to get him to understand me or come out with me and my friends, involving me in his life, and so on. I should have waited for him to have wanted to do that on his own, rather than ask that of him. I asked to much from him.
I am working to improve so I don't make these same mistakes again with the next guy.