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I Realized I Was A Terrible Girlfriend Too Late.

I ruined what could have possibly been a good relationship. 

I worried over the wrong things when really, I shouldn't have worried at all.  I was worried about him not being able to keep a job.  I was worried about him still living with his parents and still not paying for much because he's several years older than me, but really, everyone just grows at their own rates.

I was worried every time he went to parties without me and hung out with his best girl friends, going on trips with them to other states for just fun getaways.  I got upset when he wanted female roommates, and when he had sleepovers with female friends.  I shouldn't have gotten jealous when he went out with his female friends to bars without me, sometimes late at night, and I shouldn't have gotten territorial over him.  I should have trusted him instead of questioning it.  I shouldn't have argued with him. 

I was worried about how he would rack up debt for himself and act like it wasn't there, but really I shouldn't have said anything to him.  That was his life and his choices.  There was so much more I realized I shouldn't have done, and now I realize that I deserve every bad thing he's said about me to his friends and people he knows.  I was a horrible person.  I said it because I cared about him, but I shouldn't have cared about those things. 

I should have just cared about him as a person separate from his lifestyle.  I shouldn't have confided in him my fears and worries for myself, because those aren't his problems.  I should never have expected him to pay for our dates, I should have never have gotten upset that he never surprised me with anything while I always found stuff to surprise him with, I should never have called him every day, and I shouldn't have tried to see him often. 

I tried to be the best to him, I thought I did for him what was best, but in the end I just made him miserable and now he absolutely hates me, and now I can understand why.  I should have just let him alone and do whatever he wanted. 

I shouldn't have gotten mad that he prioritized everything else in his life before me, because his life should be priority for himself, and because his friends and family were there first and that girlfriends can come and go.  I shouldn't have felt insecure, and I should have been more patient.  I should have just lived my own life rather than trying to get him to understand me or come out with me and my friends, involving me in his life, and so on.  I should have waited for him to have wanted to do that on his own, rather than ask that of him.  I asked to much from him. 

I am working to improve so I don't make these same mistakes again with the next guy.

daretodream414 daretodream414 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 6, 2010

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I don't think that you were wrong for worrying about him and his girl friends. Any girlfriends would be too! I was feeling the same things a few months ago. It's normal for wanting to be loved and cared for by your boyfriend. Sharing and talking about your feelings with your boyfriend is okay too, but guys are less perceptive than girls so it might be overwhelming to them. I do think that being in a relationship with someone means that you are committed, at some level, to be there for your other half. From my experience, I learned that these feelings are normal but I need to look out on how I express them, since it can come across as aggressive or jealous.
I honestly don't think that you were a horrible girlfriend. You tried to do the best you could and cared about him!

Hey, I like the fact you have written this through his eyes. I mean, the way he thinks you should see it. Kind of makes obvious how absurd the situation was. Hang in there.

I completely agree with your take. At first I was reading this waiting for the punchline at the end where she says...'actually no, I'm not sorry at all you jerk.' Reading your post puts it in the right perspective. So many times we as women make things are fault because we want people to be loved and happy. I have personally spent way too many years of my life living in relationships similar to this woman's experience. Good luck getting through the pain and trust me, it will make you wiser and stronger!

darn, I totally have a typo:) at least one I caught. See we beat ourselves up all the time!!! :)

i feel like what you have written could have come straight from my own hand. i have felt the same as you are, then other times i think i deserved much better. i wish didnt try to change people.<br />
it really depends how you look at it, but when i read what your saying, you dont sound like a bad girlfriend at all. dont think that.

No. You were right. YOu as a girlfriend hae every right to feel jelouse and worried when your noyfriend goes on trips with other girls, parties with other girls, and has sleep overs. Sounds like he never EVER deserved you hun. I dont know the situation but this sounds painfully familliar and please dont change. He should have stepped up to the plate from what you've said. You sound like a perfet girlfriend. really. <br />
you cared enough to worry about him in the long run.<br />
You took the time to suprise him and try to do thing to please him.<br />
Sounds to me you were too good for him. sounds to me like you are a caring sweet girl whom of which he took atvantage of the fact that you cared. he sounds like a manipulative arse! if you dont mind my saying.<br />
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Sounds like he didn't appreciate you and that is what every girl deserves. <3 Dx <br />
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(p.s. i'm bad with words :] but i do kinda really knwo what you mean )