Some Experinces Or Conclusions I've Had

I don't know if this counts as a story of being a Therian but its about me, and how I feel most of the time.

I've always felt rather compulsive with, I don't know how to say it right but, with nature or outgoing urges. Like I am usually a very funny, good natured, supportive friend who gets crazy very frequently but in a good way. Ha, I remember this time I went out with some of my friends, all girls, we all dressed up in our favorite attire cause it was nice out and we wanted to be free. I wore a twirly kind of dress, you know the kind that when you spin, it goes whoosh,lol. Everyone had there own versions as well, and we started walking into town, just being our random selves by hooting as some guys and girls. I was so happy and excited that I had to let it out somehow, and I am not a screamer, I howl. So, I howled, long and hard, the other girls stopped and looked at me for a second, then they started howling as well. It was great, it made me feel like I wasn't being some werido. From that point on whenever someone said "Ready, 1, 2, 3" We would all suck in a deep breathe and howl together, lol, we all had are own distintive howls as well, and they just merged together wonderfully.

That was my first unkown coming out experince you could say. And I am glad I had it, it made me feel so free and glad to be alive that I just wanted to run around howling, jumping, and the more my energy increased, the more I realized I was starving. Not just like hungry for food, no I wanted to bite something, not chew or eat, just bite, hard, and not let go. I was scared, scared of myself, and I thought I was loosing it, I was shaking, much like I am now as I tell you this. I thought there had to be something wrong with me right, cause I didn't seem to care who I wanted to bite, but when I got that feeling it was so intense that sometimes I would come to find out that I did something stupid and didn't remember any of it.

I wouldn't call it a blackout really, because I have had blackouts and this was more like a complete absence of mind. The more I tried to remember the less I did, and instead of remembering I just got that feeling of, I want to say hunger but its not for food, I don't know what to call it. All I know is I had a craving maybe only could be described as the feeling a junky gets without there drugs, but honestly it doesn't even come close to comparison.

Now, I couldn't tell no one about this, hell who could I tell, that wouldn't try to either lock me up or shove pills down my throat. I must have gone 5 or 6 years threw this wave of emotions versus urges, to kill, I mean what else can be described as other than a huge hunger to bite something, rip it apart. I love all animals, even some humans lol, I would never want to kill any animal, just the thought makes me so sad, and the thought of me killing an animal, makes me sick to my stomach. So, how could I, how could I deal with this, there was nothing I could, but ignore it, and let it build, slowly, in my subconsiouness. Which is never healthy as everyone knows.

Ok, so in this description of my expereinces I am 18 now, just re-entered highschool, due to situations not explained. I am the friendly outcast, having 1 maybe 2 if I am lucky real friends, and about 40 or 50 "hey, whats up" friends. You know in highschool, you got these groups and each group has there own style or trend. I figured my attitudes were kinda goth like, so I checked out the whole scene, ya it felt a little better, but I also was faking more then I was before.

The vamp scene, now theres a go getter. You can really feel accepted or laughed upon depending if your faking, but its a good outlet. I felt good, thought I found what I was missing, and stayed in that groove for about a year, till a little after my 19th birthday. Though the longer I played the part, the less I felt free. I didn't want to play a part, I wanted to be me, free, unrestricted of the bounds that humanity seems fit to apply to itself, daily and hourly. I drank alittle blood but mostly it was the biting that I liked, of course. Blood its ok, I don't really crave the taste, though with drinking blood, I found out how much I loved rare or medium rare meat, specially steak. Oh ya baby...

I think I must have found the best tasting thing in the whole ******* world right there. I thought steak was ok before this, but I didn't really like it, then I went to a friends house and her dad cooked it medium rare, and it, it made me cry, and lol, it was gone in less then 2 minutes. Just talking to you about it is making me hungry.

I know some people, like scientist, and other smarty people say that if you eat rare anything you can get sick and blah blah blah, but I have never gottin sick from eating and rare or rotten food. Not to say I went around eating food out of the garbage cause thats nasty, but occasionly being a dork I would accidently eat or drink rotten something, and sure once I realized I'm like ewww, but I never got sick, never had a tummyache or anything. I was fine, just alittle grossed out.

Wow, I am getting kinda random on here huh, hope whoever is reading this, can understand it or least some of it.Hmm... o'

I've heard that if your a true Therian, you should be able to increase your senses at least every know and then if not always. I don't know if what happens to me would be considered that or just good concentration. Either way, I have the ability to come up behind people really fast, silently, and very direct. I usually freak em out when I do it, but I get the urge to move and I just do it. Besides I am use to people calling me werid, freak, crazy, *****, and other similar insults. I can at random times, no wait, interesting times, as in I can only do this if something is interesting or facinating to me. And that is, increase the way I hear things, I go from barely hearing people in front of me to plain ignoring them and hearing all the way across the street, as if I am standing right there. I haven't figured out how to control it, heh, but I do enjoy it when it happens, makes me feel alive from the inside out.

Well I been typing for a bit now and I am going to take a breather, I guess I'll see how this goes, and if positive I'll post some more. Hope this does something for someone, even me, positively. After awhile you come to accept being shunned, but always hope for family acceptance.

syk2340 syk2340
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 14, 2009

I have to say, a lot of what you said, I'm going through right now. I just started college pretty much and I met my best friend I've ever had, and the thing is we've known each other for about 3 and a half months but he knows me more than I've ever let anyone know me. I've always felt...i guess like i was repressed inside. I'm coming out much more lately and with that I've been having...struggles. More times than I can count I've been feeling less human and more animal, and a lot of the time it's caused by extreme emotions. I consider me to have a wolf theriotype and I saw a picture of a skinned wolf and I lost it. Thankfully I was in my room at the time because if I had been by other humans I might have done something bad. I actually wanted to just walk out my door and attack the first person I saw. I haven't done anything, thumbs up for my marginal self control, but I'm afraid that I might do something in the future. I guess what I'm leading to is, do you have any tips or experiences I can draw knowledge from on how to control myself better? wow, this is long. <br />
well message me if you'd like and we could continue this more in private if you'd like.<br />
Thanks<br />