A lost spirit, and a crying body.

My name is Kalari - obviously not my real name, just the name I go by. I'm 13, and a therian. You probably noticed that I didn't put my theriotype there... that's because I don't really have one. I don't know what I am.

I'll start my story from when I first discovered my true self. Browsing the glorious internet, I came across a website where people who claimed to have the soul/s of an animal gathered and talked. Most people would have been skeptical of this, going by my experience, but I was curious. I clicked the link, and found out that these people were called "therians". Uncertain as to the meaning of this word, I Googled it, and found that it meant something like "animal-man" in Greek. I looked around a bit more, and found out that if you (for want of better wording) called yourself this, you believed you had the soul/spirit of an animal.

This is when I realised. I felt something indescribable, like a surge of realisation and happiness. It was something I had never felt before, and haven't since. My love of wolves was no longer just a love. I knew why I was attracted to their beauty, their grace. It was because I knew subconciously that they were a part of me.

I went as a wolf therian for maybe a year or so, but something wasn't quite right. The initial feeling of wolf was fading, yet I didn't know what else could be me. I knew I wasn't wolf any more, that was certain. There was somethig else, still canine, but not right for a wolf.

Perhaps I should briefly mention that when I experience phantom shifts, they are almost always anthropomorphic. Right now I feel ears, a muzzle and paw pads on my hands. But back to the story.

Studying the anatomy of canines in general, I tried to work out what I was from what I felt in my ph-shifts. I had a slimmer muzzle than a wolf, and narrower ears, I discovered from my research. I still didn't know exactly what I was, though.

I have been searching nearly a year now, comparing myself to various canines. All I know is that I'm not grey wolf, and I'm definitely canine. My two possible matches are coyote and fox, but I'm still not sure. I know not what I am, and I may never find my soul.

~Kalari

KalariLupus KalariLupus
13-15, F
8 Responses Mar 8, 2010

being a hybrid therian, I had quite a bit of trouble pinpointing my theriotype, I had been thinking about it for a couple weeks, then while I was meditating with my crystals I totally zoned and found myself in a forest, with a pack of wolves, then one of them looked at me and spread its wings(Yes wings) and flew through me, It became me and I became it and it just felt right:)

That's interesting that you started out as a wolf; it was the same for me, but I would say that that theriotype is 'on the way out'. It's weird, because I still retain some wolf-like behaviours, like the urge to howl when experiencing intense happiness. I have a fond memory of my first (and only) full phantom shift as a wolf.<br />
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I was thinking coyote, too, since you mentioned the snout, but also because you mentioned the pack thing. Coyotes do run in packs, sometimes. I don't know if jackals do this, too... worth looking into.

Hmm... you've given me a lot to think about there... I think you've helped me just a little closer to finding what I am... <br />
Again, thanks. =)

You sure do speak well for one your age and that is nice to see =^.~=<br />
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You should know, there's no way of knowing when things are just going to click into place. I always knew I was a feline since I was a child, but didn't have a name for it till 9th grade and even then it took me 2 years to pinpoint just What feline I was (I wanted to be tiger~but you can't really pick that can you? :}-< ) It takes alot of inner soul searching through meditation and studying your habits to even begin to understand yourself as a therian.<br />
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It does seem you are catching onto that however, since you knew that you felt canine but that wolf wasn't quite there for you. And that is good, it shows your really paying attention to things (which is smart to do) I've known a few canines that thought they were wolf simply because it's the easiest thing to grasp I think. But turned out German Shepherd or something else.<br />
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It is not unusual to feel anthro-like. I think it's simply your spirit body (as that creature) mixing with your human one and so creating a sort of combined creature. Which is good because it means you're in tune with your inner self atleast. I know some that are purely anthro shifters and others that shift as quadruped. I personally started shifting more anthro-like, my claws would extend from my human fingers and I would get the feeling of a muzzle as well as ears. Once I started really finding myself though is when I started finally shifting more quadrupedal which really is an interesting sensation. Sure makes it hard to resist crouching down and walking on all fours heh.<br />
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Anyway, I'll try not to type too much more...Have you considered Jackal? I have journeyed with a wolf/jackal mix and the first thing I noticed was how his snout was narrower and ears a little pointier. Have you gotten any images of what you look like while shifted like your colors or anything? If not you might want to try meditating on it and try to call yourself out and view yourself as a separate being or look into a mirror/lake.<br />
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Hope that helps, if you have any other questions do feel free to ask! =^.^=

I quite like to stick together with a small "pack", yeah, but sometimes I go off alone, usually when I'm sad or angry.

oh well, good luck in searching i hope you find it.

True. I just don't feel... doggy? Heh.

its possible you could be some sort of dog