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I Feel Like A Third Wheel With My Best Friends

I have been best friends with my friend (lets call her sarah) for about 3 nearly 4 years now and last summer we started to hang about with another girl (lets call her alice). I have known alice since my first year in high school but have not really got very close with her, but sarah was in a lot of her classes over the past 2 years and so they got quite close. I would say we are all quite close now, but i just can't help feeling like a third wheel sometimes. They seem so much closer to each other than they are to me, they have jokes together that i don't know about and alice will tell sarah things that i don't know about. I mean i understand that i am not as close to alice as sarah is but it still hurts sometimes when they are sitting discussing something right in front of me and i have no idea what it is. I feel like people look at me and they also think that i am a third wheel and just follow my two friends around. I have spoke to sarah about this before a couple of times and she has said that she thinks me and her are a lot closer than she is to alice and that i shouldn't worry about it. I do worry though, nd what makes it worse is that sarah and alice are both a lot prettier and a little bit slimmer than me. Also they seem to go out a lot more together while i stay at home and study or have nothing to do. They do invite me out but only sometimes. They go to parties together and i don't get invited. But then at school we will all get along fine it's just at the weekends i don't always get to spend time with them because i don't have as much money as them to go out every weekend and they live a lot closer to each other. It takes me about 45 minutes to walk to there houses from my house whereas they are only 2 minutes away from each other. I am only a five minute drive but my mum works a lot and cannot always drive me. I don't know what to do to stop feeling like this. I don't think they make me feel like this intentionally but i am worried that they will just get closer and closer and then i will be left on my own. They are also both a lot more popular than me so i only have a couple other friends whereas they have loads. I just feel like they sometimes think i just tag along and that they don't really want me there, and i don't know what to do :( Sarah tells me that i am her best friend and that me and her are a lot closer blah blah blah but it doesn't feel that way and i just want to feel like i am no longer a third wheel, but i suppose three is a crowd isn't it? What can i do to stop feeling this way i hate it :( They went out together today without me as i didn't have any money. Sarah had said to me a couple of days ago that she and alice wouldn't go out if i didn't go with them today and se was begging me to go and when i said she couldn't they went any way. On the odd occasion when i do go out with them i feel like they have more fun when it is just them rather than with me as they always come back with really funny stories about things they did and when i am with them it's just normal. They also always text each other and talk to each other every day but they can go days without talking to me! Am i a third wheel or am i just being silly?
Kazafcb814 Kazafcb814 16-17, F 20 Responses Mar 10, 2012

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I have known my best friend Abby since 4th grade. (I'm in 6th btw...) the in the beginning of 5th grade a girl named Kate came. Abby wasn't really friends with Kate at first, but once the school play came around, they were both in it and they hung out together, because they were in the same class. I'm in 6th grade now and this has been going on since about Christmas 2013. But now they are hangingout way more now. I feel like they are leaving me out of something, and Abby still acts like she's my friend, but I'm not really sure if she actually still likes me. I, of course, being me, am even too shy to tell her what's on my mind. I really need help, I am literally crying while writing this...

OMG OMG OMG this is exacally whats happening to me my bff sarah i new her when i was 3. I new molly since 5th grade. im 7th btw. It became me and molly then 6 grade happen i had no classes with molly. This year in 7th i have 1 and lunch. sarah has 4 and lunch fuc! It feels like sarah wants molly 4 her self. im to scared to tell her. They keep secrets from me. Yes u r the third wheel. that didnt help. Well oh well.

oh and im bad at making friends. but these worked

This is me too. My friends Jaime and Cara were friends, and I kind of came into the equation a little later. I didn't think about it too much until I realized HOW much time they were spending time together and not even inviting me. This has gone on for 2 and a half years; they always go on vacation with each other, and they talk about all the good times they've had in the past, and I was there for almost none of those times. Now there's this new girl named Cameron and she's kind of a biatch and she doesn't respect me. She was talking about her very best friend, Amanda, to Cara and she was like, "Amanda is to me like how Jaime is to you," and I was sitting RIGHT THERE and I just kind of sat there awkwardly and my God I wanted to HIT Cameron in her pinched up face. I will never be a real part of the friendship. I hate feeling so left out all of the time.

This probably feels like the last thing you want to do, but you should try to branch out and make some new friends. Although I used to think that it was my friends faults for leaving me out, I found out a long time ago that the only thing that's keeping you the third wheel is yourself. I found this out after I had been a third-wheel/doormat for my group for several years when I finally got sick of it and started to hang out with them less and more with different people. Not only did it give me some space, but it also (not to sound like a manipulative b***h) turned the situation in my favor. Once I only started talking to them once in a while and stopped going over their houses, they actually started to miss me. Invites through texts and calls soon came flooding in. In my mind, 'friends' who intentionally make other people feel excluded are bullies and therefore disgust me. Most of the time, once you stop talking to them they'll keep themselves in check and start being friendlier to you. I hope this helped :)

Thank you, I have to reccomend these points, they really worked for me and made me feel stonger and more confidance in my freindship group 😊

I feel the exact same way except it is four friends me and my friend "Aria" met last year and became best friends but then "Emily" and "Spencer" who were in Arias class two years ago started hanging out with us Spencer and Emily were basically bffs and me and aria were so we could evenly divide but then Aria got really close with Emily at one point so me and Paige just started hanging out but now Paige and Aria are really bonding and I'm obviously Emily's least fave out of us four so she hangs with the other girls and I just sort of follow them and they will all start laughing and I would be there clueless I just try to be brave but it hurts so much and when I'm alone I just cry. Stay strong

I feel exactly the same. My bestie "T" and I have been best friends for 9 years! Then I have this other best friend "G". G and T have been hanging out a lot together. The other day I heard T say that G was her best friend! I felt so hurt inside. G and T always pair up and now they are going to the same high school while I'm going somewhere else! Now, I am getting over it. I hang out with my other friends and kind walk away when T gets close. Don't let anybody take away your dignity!

I feel the same thing today
like my Bestie is" L" and she met that girl "M"
"M" is really nice i love her but she's not like a bestie to me
they hangout a lot without me and talk about stuff and joke and i feel like i'm alone and i'm a third wheal
I know and sure that for "L" I'm closer to her than "M"
but i can't help it
so when this happens when we're out i start feeling alone and sad and they start wondering why I'm quite

it really feels bad

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Heyy girl I felt the same way about my friends we are 4 ov us i'm gonna use some fake names one is called Samara,Tasha and AlinaAt first it was me and Samara then she decided to join Tasha in the group i ddn't quite like her but i had to flow with what Samara wanted. Then later came Alina that was the mistake i ever did joining her in our group t.. she was the reason for mine and Samara's relationship to be weaker. I couldn't help how i felt and told Samara how I feel and she told me that there is nothing like that.. I hope there is no such thing .. you should try talking to your friends :) All the best :) xxxx

I AGREE. So i have these two friends, (im going to tell you their real names) Ashley and Jamie. Ashley and I have know each other since kindergarten, and have always been best friends. But in fourth grade (im in 5th now and its still the same) We met Jamie. Jamie was very nice and stuff, and we all became friends. But then, it hit me. They started hanging out a lot! Ashley would always go to her house and i would NEVER Be invited. They always have inside jokes and make cool dances together! Still today i feel left out. Whenever i tell them the way i feel, they just say ''Oh sorry'' and pretend it's nothing. Sometimes, i even cry (sobbing too) please don't make fun of me for doing this, but it just hurts so much to see my best friend Ashley forget about me and hang out with Jamie.... If you feel the same way please respond, and maybe we can help out eachother!

I feel the same
i feel like i wanna cry but i don't wanna make a fool of myself
but when i'm alone i do

I know exactly how u feel:( I was over at my longtime bestfreinds house ,"Sarah" and Janet", and they had invited another girl over that I didn't really like and Sarah and Janet knew I didn't like her. So then they invited there cousin over and so Sarah started leaving me out and talking to her cousin and then Janet left me out talking to her friend. So I texted my mom telling her that I was not having a good time and I wanted to come home so she picked me up and I went home. The thing was they didn't even care that I left. The whole time I was sitting on the bed watching them talk to each other and leaving me out. I had another situation like this too.

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i know exactly how you feel....lets call this person (sarah) so me and sarah have been friends for a year now and we are really close in the holidays we used to always text eachother everyday and sit in class together. but now this year we are in the same class still and sarah has made some new friends i have just sticked with the same friends in my class. but sarah has been becoming really close to another girl...they laugh alot together they always sit together in class they hug alot...and when im sitting with them in class all they talk about is what the texted eachother and i feel really excluded now i used to do all that stuff with sarah....i dont talk much to her now.......i feel really hurt i dont know why but i dont like feeling this way....

I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend that I have known since year 2 and a friend I have had since year 8 causing me this problem. We have a large group of friends (that I am sort of close to but none of us have classes together and most of them live far away from me) and when the whole group is together it is ok but in class... not so much... In year 8 and 9 'Alice' and I were together and 'Sarah' was with some of our other friends but this year it is the 3 of us together. 'Alice' and 'Sarah' have about 9 hand shakes and private jokes so I can't help but feel left out as each new 3 person hand shake reduces itself to a 2 person handshake overnight. They are also prettier, skinnier and get better grades than me no matter how hard I try which doesn't help. We are also split into colour groups at our school and all of my friend besides me and two others are in purple, I am in green and the other two are in red and gold. I have told them I feel left out but they seem to laugh it off and dismiss the idea completely. I don't know... Growing up is hard... DX

I feel you. My two best friends have gotten super close and even though I love them like sisters, I feel like they're on a tandem bike wheras I'm on a unicycle. (Okay that wasn't a very good example but you know what I mean.) I wish this feeling would go away, but whenever I see them having fun together when I'm not invited, I really want to result to violence and rip out someone's larynx. (Okay that was a bit extreme.) Seriously, let's all find a way to do something about this.

I feel your pain! :( I had a best friend since Kindergarten and all of a sudden, this year (I am in the 8th grade) she became the greatest friends with an "Alice". They have all their classes together whereas I only have 1 with Sarah... It can become frustrating when I cannot keep up with their conversations! They only part about my story that is different than yours is that I am much thinner than them. :) But it still hurts how they ignore me at times... I suppose there isn't much I can do other than try to spend more time with "Sarah". Thank you so much for sharing your story... I felt alone and like this only happens to me! Best of luck with your friends.

You are definitely a third wheel but it's mkay, why don't you just do the same thing back. Make another best friend and hang out with her/him 24/7 you'll be too busy with your new bestfriend to hang out with your old ones. Your friend will eventually miss you. Even better is to just invite your new bestfriend and your other old friend and make them the third wheel.

I understand.. I actually just Google-d it and this is what came up! I'm totally going through the same thing. I don't honestly know. I feel like a Third Wheel, too, because they do seem much closer. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling but know you're not alone! ;)

I don't know if you will read this, but I can not tell you how much this sounds like my own story. The same thing with your sarah and alice, is almost quite exact to what I am feeling. These two girls that I hang out with, our so much prettier, skinnier, and more popular than I. I am so much closer with one of them (bff), but then the other girl I am just a friend to. They live like 2 minutes away from each other and I am like a 8 minute drive away. They have known each other for like 5 years and I have only known my (bff) for like 1 1/2-2 years. The thing I really want to know is how you have dealt with this feeling for the last year. I feel so excluded and feel like I should just forget about them : (

I'm glad someone can relate to how i felt :) I understand how you feel right now and i can tell you it does get better! Which i'm sure you'll be glad to hear lol. At first i tried to make myself as involved as possible and would invite them both places and try organise plans that we could all be involved in, but to be honest in the end i didn't feel like it made much difference (however, that doesn't mean you can't give that a shot :)) After a while i just got so sick of feeling like i was a third wheel that i just gave up and thought "if they want to talk to me/see me they will make the effort" because what your friends need to remember is friendship is a two way thing; at some point they are going to have to make an effort with you aswell - and if they don't they really are not worth bothering about! Anyways, it ended up that when we started a new year at school, and our classes got changed, that i met more people. I still went around with Alice and Sarah though so nothing much changed at this point. But after a while, Alice got a boyfriend (and started acting a little bit differently ) and all of a sudden Sarah could suddenly be bothered with me again! At first i was a little bit glad and thought "well i've got my bestfriend back", but the more i thought about it, she had ditched me for months for Alice and all of a sudden - when Alice had someone else to be with - she thought it was ok to just come running back to me. So i ended up getting a part-time job, and so would only really see Sarah and Alice at school and be busy at the weekends (and with them not being as close anymore they had nothing to do). And at work i ended up meeting other people and started to hand around with them when i was off - and one of the girls i work with goes to my school and we became really close. Sorry i'm going a little bit too much into this now haha! The point i'm trying to make is when i ended up hanging about with other people Sarah and Alice got jealous, and now they are the ones who have started making more of the effort as i just sometimes won't bother to text them or make plans and go and meet other people. I think what it made them realise was that i wasn't just going to sit about and wait until they could be bothered with me, that i actually had other people who i could spend time with. I'm a lot happier now with how things are and do still spend time with Sarah and Alice, but now becuase i have met other people it wouldn't bother me as much if they left me out (which for some reason they rarely do now!). So my advice to you would be, well you could try a few things really:
1. Try and make plans yourself more that involve you aswell - so invite them to hang out while all three of you are there. Which i'm sure you try!
2. Is there other people you talk to at school? If so then maybe try become closer to them - not so much that you completely exclude the two girls you out with - just enough to show them you do have other friends.
3. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you don't already have one then getting a part-time job is a great way to meet new people (i was lucky that where i work has a lot of young people around my age working there) and it will keep you busy plus your friends won't see you as much which will probably lead them to miss you!
4. You could talk to your two friends (if you haven't already). They may not know that you feel as left out as you do. Maybe you just need something as simple as talking to them to change whats happening.
I mean there are many htings you could probably do, i'm just suggesting a few things here, and if you meet new people then great - i mean you might even find someone who makes better friends than the two you hang around with. What you need to remember though is that "friends" that are not willing to make an effort to spend time with you/talk to you are not worth it and they don't deserve your friendship! In the end all i did was meet some new people, and still make time occasionally to hang around with Alice and Sarah. I'm sorry this was so long lol, but i hope i have managed to help - if even just a little bit - and that you can start to maybe no longer feel as left out as you do.
Good luck to you :)!

Thanks so much for ur time with responding :) Some of your suggestions, I have already tried and then others I will look into! I'm just glad that you got to meet other people and be happy with the people that your around now :)

Thank you for your comment :) I understand what you are saying and you could be right about her being bored with the friendship. I guess i could suggest a group sleepover and see what happens, and maybe i do need a new friend in the group or something - someone i can share secrets with and stuff like you said :) My mum is always telling me to make new friends and maybe i should but i just feel really sad when i see them getting so close and i feel left out! So if this group sleepover or whatever doesn't work should i start making more friends or just try again - or does that make me sound sad and desperate and really like a third wheel lol :)?

To be honest, I may be completely out of order for saying this, and there could be no way this would ever happen, but, is there someone you're close with, someone you can talk to anything about, apart from this girl you've known for a while, and this other girl you've known for a shorter time. Maybe it's time for a change, maybe there should be a new member to the group, someone who shares private jokes with you, and someone you can make memories with.<br />
At school, I have a best friend, and I'm in year 9 so, me and her, (i'll just call her millie) have been best friends since year 7, but when I came into year 8, I became friends with a group of people, I fancied a change if you like, me and millie, we talked but it was kind of an on and off situation, she used to annoy me quite a bit with her needy habits, I was happy with my new group of friends, but come the very end of year 8, we all fell out, but I stuck friends with one of the group members, (i'll call her lola) I think, because it was new and exciting, millie kind of felt out of the loop, which I'm guessing is how you feel, but maybe it's just because, you and this girl you've known a long time, have known eachother for so long, maybe the friendship is getting... boring? I know that sounds harsh, but maybe because the other friendship is new to her, she's hanging around with this other girl, maybe you need something that will make your friendship more exciting? to bring you all closer? maybe a group sleepover, or something like it.