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Is My Daughter a Tomboy Or a Lesbian

she is 12 yrs.old and has been wearing boys clothes and plays soccer. Never played with dolls but with cars, trucks and computer games. Last year , suddenly, she decided to switch and have girl friends rather than boys. She keeps changing her mind depending on the fdinternal dynamics of the schools mates. She refuses to wear any girl clothes but she shaves her legs and wants to wax the hair over her lips . Is this a normal phase or what ?

fadi fadi 16-18, F 23 Responses Sep 7, 2007

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No, she's a Tomboy. I'm almost 18, and I'm still a tomboy. Lots of lesbians can be tomboys, but I've known a ton that are as girly as daffodils. It shouldn't matter either way, but if you're like me or my own mom (who disapproves me being a tomboy, and yeah it hurts a LOT), sometimes homosexuality can conflict with beliefs. Overall, I guess I'm starting to accept that if someone wants to be a certain way and it's what makes them happy, no need to disagree and make their lives horrible. :) I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

It doesn't really matter what her sexual orientation is, she is and will always be your child..but I have a daughter who is 14 sometimes she will wear a dress to school other days it's a sweat shirt and jeans..

She's 12. She's not a lesbian. Plus, you shouldn't listen to random strangers about if your daughter, your TWELVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, is a lesbian. I'm a tomboy. I wear guys clothes. I shave my legs. I change my mind. That doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. That's the thing about girls. If we want to be tomboyish, we can. If we want to be girly, we can. Also, just talk to her in a few years. If she's still the same way, that's okay.

<p>she's not a lesbian i can tell you that b/c im the same way.i sit down with my legs spread and my arms resting on them i play video games all the time but the older i get the more emotional i get if it really bothers you it will past trust me i act like a tomboy because i was raised that way my dad died and i dress like a boy so that persona of me is like my dad always there also the only female realitive i know besides my mother is my cousin she was a tomboy but she also died hmm she probably acts like her favorite character in her favorite tv show once when i was 11 i only watched how i met your mother and wore suits since</p>

She probably isn't lesbian. I doubt it. I'm in my first year of High school and i still wear baggy shirts and sweatshirts during the hot days , i wear skinny jeans ,basketball shorts and skateboarding shoes. During the summer I'm barefoot 24/7. I have a lot of other things about be that get into the boy category. I am a tomboy myself , and i have only 2 girl friends and 5 boy friends. I was raised with boys and then around 5th grade women came into my life and i hated it. If you feel like she needs to start wearing girly cloths ,don't force her. I know this from experience. My mother tried to force me into girl cloths and i hated it. A little while after that I started to distance myself from girls more. If you force her into things she doesn't feel comfortable with , she'll distance herself from all women. The two friends i have now (girls) accept me for who I am and you should NOT i repeat NOT try to change your daughter's taste. If it changes , she's having trouble picking on who she wants to be. Wait a bit , she might grow out of it. ;3

is there anything wrong if she is a lesbian? ima tomboy, im a tradie, an electrician, i wear "boys" clothes everyday for work, this year will be my 12th season of playing soccer, i dont own any dresses or skirts or girly type things, and im not a lesbian. but that shouldnt be what youre worried about, as her mother, you need to be supporting her no matter what...

I'm sure you can evaluate a child's sexual orientation before he or she enters puberty.

I think your daughter may be bi curious or just a tomboy

Yes it could be quite normal I had a daughter that was the same until she hit 14 then slowly started to get into more girl clothes ect.<br />
She still could be a lesbian but it is to early for you to worry

Why would she have to worry, it isn't a disease

There's absolutely nothing to worry about.

Well I'll join the wagon I am a tomboy too. I played football, loved to basketball, and wear the hottest boy clothes and I have to say I dressed damn good, becuase all the boys were jealous. But I had a lot of BOY friends and my parents were with that as long as they didnt stay the night, except my Best Friend Sean (a boy) Our families were close. I had my share of boyfriends as well at that age, the boy notice the change in a girls body too and some of them know whats under that big shirt. Now I am older Married with one child and happy I didn't have to give up being me, I still dress in big shirts but I where TIGHT pants. LOL. So I would let your child be herself and love her regardless.

does it matter to u she is still ur daughter

The things you're describing are tomboy. Until she starts discussing sexual preferences or dating you have no idea what her orientation is, and there are plenty of very feminine lesbians and straight tomboys. Either way, she's your daughter and you should be proud she's who she is, tomboy or girly girl, lesbian, straight, or bi. Let her be her and don't worry about it.

I went through the same sort of phase, and I'm still very much a tomboy. Most of my best friends are still guys, and I am still more interested in NASCAR, NHRA, videogames, getting dirty, and playing with cars (so to speak) than I am in the way my clothes look, my make up, or the way my nails look. But I am very much interested in the male persuasion. I have a long term boyfriend. <br />
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As a ten to twelve year old I wore baggy clothes to hide my growing curves and stuck with my guy friends because the girls my age were very clique oriented. At the same time I wanted to shave my legs and wear at least some make up. I was really torn between being a girl, because that was my gender, and being one of the guys, because I was such a tomboy. I understand that now because I'm 20 and am still a tomboy.<br />
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Being a tomboy doesn't always mean being a lesbian, though it can lead to girls being confused and unsure what to do when guys start noticing that they are in fact female. That's exactly what I went through, and even now with my boyfriend I still go through that sort of problem. I get weirded out when the guys who have been my best friends start treating me like a girl instead of just one of the guys.

I think she's just being her tomboy self, but noticing the changes that come with becoming a woman at that age. I totally understand what she is going thru.<br />
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I was (and still am) a tomboy myself at 34. Before our bodies change and make your femininity obvious, it's easy to fit in with the guys. Once the curves start, it can be hard to hide...and hard for your guy friends to adjust to.<br />
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Additionally, society puts such pressures on women as to what is appropriate for them to do. We may say that we live in equality, but I'll tell you from experience that it isn't always the case. I was able to achieve a balance between the two, and was thankfully able to do what I want with my life.

It sounds like your daughter is going through a conflict between her femininity and tomboy nature. I went through the same phase. I have been a tomboy for years now, I sometimes switched back to being girly, but mostly I was tomboy and preferred being with boys and acting like them. But when I hit puberty I was curious about my femininity and frequently switched between the two to explore my girly side and new body. I loved my figure of having a chest and a slim body, but when I was in 'tomboy mode' as I called it, it got in the way. <br />
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I've always preferred being with boys as they were more like me and I could relate to them more, and they were, in a lot of cases, nicer than the girls. I did, however, enjoy having a few girl friends as I could talk to them about things I couldn't talk about with the boys. And of course when I was in girly moods, I liked being with girls, as well as showing off my femine side to the boys (not too flirty, just liking them noticing that I was a girl). <br />
I'm now 18 and understand my conflict, which isn't a conflict now, it's merely a matter of "what do I feel like wearing and acting like today". <br />
I have also realised that guys are interested in the girls who act and look like girls, although my first proper boy friend knew me as a tomboy, and got attracted to me as a tomboy, but liked it when I was girly. <br />
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Your daughter is probably going through that conflict of whether to get in touch with her femine side, and is probably overwhelmed by it all. In a way, her body is taking her away from being a tomboy. It may be a cross between her body taking her away from the tomboy side (which she doesn't like) and also wanted to be girlier but is unsure, which is confusing her. <br />
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Being a tomboy doesn't make her a lesbian- I preferred being with boys and being one of them, but at the same time, it was them I was attracted to, I had no interest in the girls. <br />
Also, most homosexuals act like their gender, because gay men are attracted to manly-ness and lesbian women are attracted to girly women, so they would act the way their 'kind' would like them.

I wore nothing but boy's underwear for most of my teenage years. I hated dresses, even as a very young child, and was happier hanging out w/ my brothers and their friends, covered in mud, up in trees, playing w/ army men or Hot Wheels. But ~ my tom-boy nature doesn't make me a lesbian. One has nothing to do with the other. I happen to be bi-sexual, but the point i am trying to make is that being a tom-boy doesn't make your daughter a lesbian. Playing with dolls, dressing girly and wearing makeup doesn't make her straight, either. The two are not connected.

I wore nothing but boy's underwear for most of my teenage years. I hated dresses, even as a very young child, and was happier hanging out w/ my brothers and their friends, covered in mud, up in trees, playing w/ army men or Hot Wheels. But ~ my tom-boy nature doesn't make me a lesbian. One has nothing to do with the other. I happen to be bi-sexual, but the point i am trying to make is that being a tom-boy doesn't make your daughter a lesbian. Playing with dolls, dressing girly and wearing makeup doesn't make her straight, either. The two are not connected.

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds pretty typical of that age for a tomboy.

It sounds kinda normal to me. My best friends were boys in kindergarten and then from 2nd-4th grade!<br />
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The part about wearing the boys clothes is a dead giveaway that she is noticing changes in her body that she doesn't feel ready for or comfortable with! I felt the same way once! I remember not wanting boobs or my period because it just seemed so sudden - and scary! I would always wear big baggy boy shirts so I didn't have to wear a bra. The changes in my body made me feel super conscious and I tried to hide. This sounds exactly like what your daughter is doing. You just need to talk her through it. Give her some stories to work with.<br />
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And about her friends...I don't think it should matter if they are guys or girls! I personally think she's hanging out with boys because they haven't changed as much - they are still flat-chested and immature. Girls, on the other hand, get really clique-y and "I am too mature for this" attitudes at 12! It might be that all those cliques have shut the door on her. The boys don't really form cliques though, so she'd feel more comfortable with them. But then she remembers they're guys, and she's a girl, so she can't talk to them about certain things so she switches to girl friends and when being a girl gets too embarrassing or awkward, she tries to hide with the boys again. She seems to be caught up in that cycle, but I think you should let her figure it out on her own!

I'm a tomboy myself and I don't think that your daughter is actually a lesbian. But you're a mother and you do worry when your child starts behaving not like herself. Maybe she's just growing up into a teenager and starting to realize that she's a girl and starting to get interested in boys and all. Maybe she's just confused whether to stay tomboy or be a normal girl.

Does it matter?

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