A Question About This Group And Myself.

I consider myself under construction, though I haven't even seen a doctor yet (can't even afford it when I'm ill and my parents wouldn't help me out if they knew the reason I wanted to see one). After joining I realized that most of the stories are about transition. Am I ineligible for this group until I start the "actual" transition process or is the fact that I'm trying to become more feminine enough to allow me to participate?

I'm not exactly sure how I would describe myself. I use the umbrella term "transgender" because I honestly don't know what I am. I desire a more feminine body, I'd rather be thought of as one of the girls instead of that guy they let hang around with them, I live as a woman as much as I can without my parents finding out, when they pass on I will live as a woman in all aspects of my life, and hormone replacement therapy is a "when," not an "if."

However, I'm only concerned with correcting what went wrong at puberty, not in the womb. While I can fill out a C cup it's all flab in there and I want the breasts I feel I should have gotten at puberty. I want to get whatever procedures done that I can to undo the effects of testosterone on my facial features, I'm hoping that in the near future there will be procedures that will correct my torso (mostly the shoulders and my particularly masculine rib cage bothers me), I want a more feminine cellulite distribution, and I want my facial hair completely eliminated. Not just a closer shave, I mean not growing back at all.

But below the belt I have no issues. I mean I'm not exactly happy with what I have but it's a non-issue to me. To me that area, regardless of gender, is just for procreation and waste removal. If it were possible to have such a thorough change that I could conceive, carry a pregnancy to term, and give birth to my children I'd beg, borrow, and steal to have it done but I've resigned myself to the knowledge that it likely won't be possible in my lifetime. I want to start a family, which is my big holdup (HRT will make it impossible and I don't trust banks of that nature), so I've conditioned myself to play the hand I've been dealt.

So to sum up my second question, I want to be accepted as a woman both socially and legally, while I want it to happen as soon as possible it's only second priority, right behind starting a family, and I don't care what's below my belt. What am I?
memitch memitch
36-40, T
4 Responses May 24, 2013

Also I don't ever plan on telling family. She wants to move to Alaska,California or Colorado so I just won't be able to travel for family visits (due to "work") I only talk to my aunts uncles and grandma at all maybe once a year (and my grandma is getting close to 90)

I have a similar situation but I'm only 26 and have a wife and 3 year old son. I'm in a sort of coming out phase with my wife "she's stayed with me even after I came out in highschool but she stayed with me and I only changed my appearance minimally and we are still madly in love". I hope we have another child in the next year and as soon as she's born (yes we want a girl lol " crossed fingers") I'll start HRT. I hope to be fully transitioned by the time my son is 6 or 7. My wife and I barely become physically romantic any more (Her choice) so I don't think it will be a physical problems as much as a religious problem. She will also be embarrassed to let anyone else know because she doesn't believe that homosexuality is ok (& it would label us as lesbians or another group she won't want to be known in). I'm so tired of hiding but this has been scary going through this feeling alone and feeling so fake every day. I want people to love me for me not who they want to see!

Thank you, lowgirl. I'm not married yet, and I'm honest with every prospective girlfriend about who I am so if I ever do get married there won't be any of the "coming out" drama because she will know even before our first date that this is who I am.

They don't have to be fully raised, as in graduated from high school and out of the house before I start hormones. While ideally I'd like two children I have to factor in my age. Most people are still in their 20s when they start having children. Unless I marry a woman significantly younger than me I will likely only be able to have one. I plan on starting hormones when we've had all the kids we're going to. I'm not waiting an additional 18 years.

I don't live with my parents but I'm at their house daily because I do a lot of work for them. I'm self sufficient for the most part but I live paycheck to paycheck so I'd have to take out a loan from them to go to the doctor until I can get a steady job (I'm making ends meet being self employed at the moment) or until business picks up.

Waiting for my parents to pass is more out of respect for them than anything. They've already lost a child. He's still alive but he wants nothing to do with them. If they know about me they will disown me, and even though it will be their decision, I know what kind of an effect it will have on them. I don't want to put them through that again.

They're both in poor health, my dad's pushing 80 and my mom's pushing 70, so while I'm hoping I'm wrong, they likely won't be around when I'm 35 (I'm 32 currently). If it's ever discovered that I'm sterile (I intend to be tested just as soon as I can pay for it myself) or they're still alive when my wife and I have all the kids we're having I won't even wait until they pass to start hormones. That's something I can do without coming out to them, and when things settle down after the last funeral I'll never be a man again.

I would have preferred to start them young myself but even if my parents would have been accepting of it it still wasn't an option. I was in denial until nearly spring of 2010 (I remember the year because I have an issue of In Style I picked up for fashion advice (if you've never read it don't waste your money. You're basically paying close to $5.00 for nothing but advertisements) marked 2010.

Hi have a cuple of things that. I did wrong I shoud have started transision just after my last child was born I would have been 27 and if I/had dun that I would not of had the execptance problems I had with my daughter for three months after words my kids where 25 and 26 when I told them we all make mistakes at times ,

The other thing to think about is my parents are in their mid 80s now and I told them after my wife died that I was going to make some changes to my life but did not tell them I was a transsexual so that started them to notice the minor changes I was makeing , they asked me 2years ago if I was trans and I sead yes they sead we hope your happy and that they suspected it years ago that's all they sead, I guess what I'm trying to say is that my parents shows no sines of dieing any time soon and yours may live a verry long time yet .

Best of luck to you. kisses. lowgirl180

I hope you're right about mine living for a long time. I've had some relatives who seemed like they were at death's door at the age of 70 and make it close to 90. Then again, I've had perfectly healthy relatives pass away in their 50s. I always hope for the best but prepare myself for the worst.

I can do HRT right under their noses and they won't suspect anything. My parents won't be as accepting as yours are. Some playful banter while my mom was cutting my hair revealed that. I was about to get up and she said "hold on. You're not straight (referring to my hair)." I said "if I weren't straight don't you think I would have been bringing guys home instead of my last two girlfriends?" She said "you know if you weren't straight you'd be out of the family."

For my mother the only reason for someone to undergo transition is if they were born intersexed, which I wasn't. Other than intersexed condition my parents don't acknowledge transgenderism and transsexualism. To them it's all cross dressing and if cross dressing isn't done on stage for comedy it's a sign of homosexuality. In other words, in their mind a non-comedian male dressed as a woman = homosexual.

Fortunately they won't be able to recognize the effects of hormone replacement therapy. I've actually primed them for it a little. I've always been big chested but it's from being overweight. I commented one time, under the guise of a complaint, that even when I lose weight my chest stays the same size. That sets them up to suspect gynecomastia if HRT gives me noticeable breast development and I also pointed out that when a Caucasian male with no African ancestry has lips as big as mine it's a sign of high estrogen. As far as they'll know the rest of the effects will just be from my "hormonal issues."

Couple that with the fact that my mom has always had to force me to take prescription medicines and got onto me for not taking the multivitamins she gave me and they won't even suspect I'm taking anything unless they actually see the anti-androgyns and estrogen.

Sounds like you have a plan , that's a good idea to start doing little things slowly as they won't be noticed you could get your electralisis on your face hair because it takes a long time to do and that's not to noticeable you could start voice training and geting your wardrobe together and perfect your manerisims but you will have to get your family started soon and maby see if you are sterrile so you know if you can aford it councling shoud be started so when your redy you can get a doctors letter for hormones . Well it sounds like you have it thought out best of luck to you and let me know how its going once in a while I'm here as your friend and would likevto help if I can love to you lowgirl180

My dear memitch
Please bear with me , my friend you have a problem your profile sead you are in your 31 to 35 first are you maried? Do you live at your parents house? At your age you shoud be self suffishent and have a good job and not need your parentes help for what ever

Now to answer your questions.
Yes you are a trans woman under construction most likly a transgender ,I need to tell you somthing you won't like , from my expeirence if this is your deepest disire to be female you have a problem to wait for your parents to die and to raise a family you will likly be in your mid to late 50s or older this is nota good thing your transision hormones are mutch less efectiveat that age plus you will missout on the life you want to live , I was like you and raised my family first and I just started hormones at 54 I regret not starting at 25 years old for I wasted the time being unhappy about my choice to wait plus if you do wait their are other things to consider you will have more to loose like your marige your children and most every thing you have worked for you could even lose the ability to transision because of helth problems so starting sooner is much better and you will be more happy I think.

It is your desision and I hope this helps if you want to talk email me I will try to help

lowgirl180