Realising I Was Born Wrong

ok I was 4 and I was playing in the school ground and I suddenly realised that while I knew I was a girl like all my friends people weren't treating me like I was one, they were treating me like I was a boy and I didn't like it and then I realised further that I was a boy, on the outside but I was a girl inside but I was way too scared of being put up for adoption (my parent's usual threat if me or my brother did anything 'naughty'), so I just kind of spent a long time living in a mixture of anguish, denial, pain and misery.

RachelRedhead RachelRedhead
36-40, T
2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

I know in kindergarten my friends were the girls. In elementary school I wanted to play with the girls but knew I could not. By the time I was twelve and going through puberty I knew I was wrong in the form of my body. For 34 years I tried to be the guy my parents wanted while my sisters grew up and had children as the girls they were. I fought and struggled with my pain of being trapped in the body of a guy while I knew I was meant to be a girl. I wanted it so bad and thought that it would never happen to me. I eventually turned to magic, voodoo and such trying to become the real me. This last summer, after not finding anything that worked, I hit bottom and was ready to end it all. I went to see a therapist and was told I could transition if I followed his rules. I agreed and within three months I was on HRT. It has been what I was missing and my life has taken a turn for the better. As a woman I have more confidants, I am more out going and I am much more out spoken. When one of my girl friends found out I was transitioning she told me "Girls have bigger balls than guys do, you go girl." Age is not a restriction on transition and life is to short to put it off. Go for it and let what happens happen.


You are not alone with this, you have lot of sister, with common feeling.