i am a transexual and i have know this all my life. Early in my life i accepted it and was happy.
Then came the time in my life where i had to be what society expected and i tried that. i never really accepted myself and had internal battles raging almost constantly. Things got pretty bad and i thought about ending my struggle.
And i did ... by accepting myself again. Much better than my contemplated alternative. i realized that it was alright to be myself. Really always was and i wasted time fighting myself.
So now i'm alive and enjoying being myself. i'm not fully out but allowing my mind, heart, spirit and soul to be and soar as the woman i am is ... wonderful.
Emotions are a large part of me and change rapidly. Highs and lows, laughter and tears ... all part of daily life.
All that said, i find that my chronological age is one thing, and my "emotional age" as a woman is far younger, decades younger maybe. i begin my journey way behind the learning curve as compared to genetic women. i've got a lot of catching up to do. There will be some life's lessons that i will not learn fully in the time available to me.
For the most part i am happy, happier than i have ever been. Yet, another part of me has the the feeling that i've have a lot of catching up to do, especially where men are concerned. i have hid these feelings for so long now i find that my mind works overtime whenever i see a handsome man. i imagine being swept off my feet and held and kissed and exploring his body.
Sometimes i just can stop myself in my thoughts. Maybe not a teenager but certainly younger emotionally. i know not to rush head long into exploring my self but the thoughts or hormones or whatever rage on. It may even show itself in the fact that i like and want to wear short dresses and skirts rather than always knee length or perhaps longer.
All this will eventually work itself to the right and proper balance for me. i'm confident in that and in myself in what ever mode or manner i present myself.
i am happy right now. Happy knowing i am a woman and that i have a place in this world. Happy knowing that someday i will be able to fully express myself as the woman i am. Knowing that makes it somewhat easier in my moving slowly to get there and not breaking anything, myself or others, along the journey.
When i accepted myself years ago i gave up caring about the reason why i was the way i am. i am me. i am who i am, so there it is. The cause is not important, the living is. One day at a time being the best me i can, learning and developing and one day ... i will blossom.
Guess the younger "emotional age" also show in my liking anime-manga images.
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Posted by married2bf on Dec 29th, 2008 at 11:17AM
Three Cheers! "All this will eventually work itself to the right and proper balance for me." is very true! Good Luck and Best Wishes! :) I was just thinking this morning that you need to go to a hotel (maybe with your kids) and live a weekend your way!
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Posted by Josie06 on Dec 29th, 2008 at 11:25AM
i do look forward to telling them. i must wait a little while longer till the youngest reaches the point of self-sufficiency.
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts.
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Posted by mzdivine on Dec 30th, 2008 at 1:17AM
thank you, Josie!..Another inspirational story!
May 2009 be your year !
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Posted by SoMuchForTheAfterglow on Jan 5th, 2009 at 9:54AM
Be who you are, and be happy. I'm glad for you that you accepted yourself and didn't waste anymore time trying to fight it. Life is short. Live yours as you want to.
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Posted by TendereyesPrincess on Feb 21st, 2009 at 8:39PM
I never saw you as a man, only as a woman...
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Posted by Josie06 on Aug 31st, 2009 at 10:17AM
As an accident of birth ... a woman born into a man's body. Short and sweet.
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Posted by Lesleegirl on Nov 28th, 2009 at 10:54PM
I thought that I had written your story myself. You are not alone on this journey. You fight so much of this when you are younger due to society but finally give in to what you really are. Thank you for your wonderful story.
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Posted by christal4 on Apr 8th, 2010 at 8:24AM
I am touched truly I loved what you had to say I know how you feel in fact i started to cry part the way in im going through the same thing right now it is hard but being who you really are and not someone your not thank you for your stories.
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Posted by Kris99 on Apr 8th, 2010 at 9:05AM
It is hard to be yourself. People (all people) tend to erect these shells around our true self. We have been taught we need to. For a time, we probably do....
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Posted by eleventhdr on May 29th, 2010 at 7:01PM
yes i am this a a whole lot more i am a sissy transgenered crossdresser a boy male who ahs always wihed and wnatd to be a girl female i love anime males who change transform into girls whenever they wnat to i fantizie of being one of thses anime boys amle who can change transform at will into a girl i want to be one of them to be an anime female one who was a boy or male but becomes a girl at last and then stay sthat way permanently i wish i could go into the anime dimension and bea girl over thier at last they are so cute and pretty and get to wear gilry girl girl cloths all the time that's what i want to be doing i want to b able to wear gilrs cloths all of the time dresses skirts bras slips panties i want to be an anme girl!
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