Ftm Transgender.

Hi there, my name is Michaela and I am fourteen-years-old. I am sort of new to this website so sorry if I write in too much detail or something I'm not supposed to . . . but here it goes.

Ever since I was at the age of 5-6 years old, I would always come home crying to myself wishing I were a boy instead of a girl. I was a real tomboy when I was younger. I would love to play football, play with my big brother’s action figures, and play with their videogames. I even asked my mum for my very own snooker table-which I got actually-but she bought me a pink one. She seemed too always buy me something pink, just to say that I was a girl. My friends were mostly all boys. I had a few friends that were girls, but I could never relate to them with their problems or interests. Such as dresses, looking pretty, dolls, makeup…the typical girl things I will never understand, even now.
I remember I used to always want to become an actor when I was younger…wait no, actress. This happened to me a lot. I was always corrected, no matter what. I remember wanting to play with my big brothers all the time. I wanted to play football and fight with them, but they would always say that I was a girl and that I was too young, so I was never allowed to play with them after all. I had to play with my little sister; we would act together. I was always the male character when we acted. I would go absolute mad if I had to be a female character. There has not been a single time I acted as a girl. I remember trying for a few seconds of a girl, and then saying, “No, this is weird. I can’t be a girl. I don’t like it.” I gave up acting for good eventually. I realised that I wouldn’t be able to act if I would have to be a girl all the time. Therefore, I decided I wanted to be in the army instead. I kept up with that dream for three years, and then decided for good that I wanted to be a graphic designer, and I have ever since.
At this time, I am now 10-11 years old. I would still hang out with the guys. I’d play ‘Bulldog’ with them, which is basically just rugby, but without the ball. I still did still play football, but then decided not to play anymore and joined rugby instead - I got complaints of “Girls can’t play football.”
It was now puberty. All the girls wore bras and shaved their legs…apart from me. I was bullied by it. They would say, “Why don’t you shave you’re legs? Do you even wear a bra? That’s disgusting.” I hated wearing a bra and shaving my legs, it was so uncomfortable and for a while, I still hesitated to wear them. I still hate them now, but obviously, you know the reason why you have too.
I am now 14, and I do not care what anyone says about me…not anymore. I have had to live a lie my whole life, and I still am, but I am moving on to who I will be and who I really am. I wear guy t-shirts, I have an Xbox, I have gaming posters, I have comics, I’m getting my hair cut short soon,  I’m becoming who I really am. For those who think I have changed or will change, that is not true. I am the same person I have always been, and no matter what I might look like on the outside, it is I on the inside. I want people to accept my choices and who I want to be, the missing part of myself.
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 16, 2013

I wish I could be who I really am on the inside. My parents did the same thing to me. They bought me pink stuff, wouldn't let me play football or baseball. The boyish sports. They still don't let me play boy sports. Although I'm still 13.


hey im a boy and first could you be my best freind and i hope you get better im kinda confused about stuff like tht in your life but wow i like the same things you do but i dont really like football just the guys tht play itLOLplease respond hope u get better and dont lie to anyone just express your self and be free

Sure (:. Yeah, I used to like football when I was younger but I'd rather just watch it now. Maybe if I played it with some friends I'd like it again lol. And awh, thanks, I hope you fix what's troubling you. :3