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The Mirror, The Woman, And The The World

Each morning when I awaken and look in the mirror I see someone I hardly know any more,someone I hope will be gone forever one day. Then when I turn and walk away from the mirror the woman in my brain looks out of these eyes and see's the world just as any other woman in the world,with all the same hopes and dreams , a woman who cries when she's happy and when she is sad. A woman who is tender with the same need to be loved as any other.But then I lift my eyes and see the eyes of the world looking back at me, but they don't see the woman I just saw. They see a freak some one not deserving the same consideration as any other woman, and I realize that I am still locked in the same cage I have always been in with little or no hope to ever escape.And so I begin each new day with the same tears as the day before, and the same hope to escape some day. Shelle Someone slipped me the  Key I'm out of here!!!!!
shelle48 shelle48 61-65, F 13 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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Apart from transgender people I believe that each man feels this way....they have feelings like a woman to be loved, seen, respected, cherished...<br />
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In the masculine dominated world this need is seen as a weakness and men rarely open up to their wives or other women... For the fear of being seen as too sensitive and therefore weak.<br />
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Men are afraid to bare their feelings; afraid to show how they really feel... They cannot be true to their hearts in a world seeing love as a shameful truth to carry... <br />
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It is always mind over heart; to serve the EGo and to stay safe and protected from other souls capable to "penetrate their souls once they open up" they cannot afford to open up and just let it all go....in a society ba<x>sed on lies and superficial b/s being fake is the only means of survival even if it means never being true to yourself - all for that masculine image they have to uphold to be seen as respectable members of society. *sigh*

I think i am a classic presentation of the "typical" outsiders, i mean it's very unusual thing for me to see (transgendered) and once i do i am afraid that yes i will gawk, but it's all done out of curiosity and harmless intrigue towards the level of difference i see in a transgendered person compared to the everyday average people aka "normal" people like me... but i also believe although it's not my cup of tea, if it is yours than you should enjoy it and live it as much as you want and feel satisfied and proud to walk on the street as i do. I guess there is so much a human brain can understand and transgender and homosexuality are one of those things along side with physics and math, but it never stopped me from having homosexual friends or being friendly towards those who like to dress a bit different, so good luck shelley and i enjoyed reading what you wrote and felt really moved, i hope you are happy now :)

firstly I want to thank you for reading my story, and for your kindness. and the I would also like to say to you that this is not a lifestyle of my choosing but rather I am the victum,of a genetic flaw I was born with a certain strand of my DNA that didn't develop properly,If I had a choice I would gladly have chosen to be normal like you,but because I wasn't I have lived my life locked inside the wrong body,It has been a long and painful life,but now finally I have stopped wanting to be dead and am embracing who I really am,this begins a new chapter in my life one which also has it's perils,but it is a must if want any kind of sanity for my remaining life. yours Shell.

I'm really happy for you sweetheart, and to an extent i can personally relate with the pain of having to live a life that doesn't go along with your feelings and thoughts, i've had my brief battle with suicidal thoughts and it is not a good place to be in :( but thank god that it is now a thing of the past for both of us, you seem like a good person and it would be a loss for "humanity" if you were not amongst us anymore, things get better with time and everyone is normal within their own circle, and i have to say you are a beautiful woman :) your story is reaching out to many more people than you think, so keep on writing and being who you want to be &lt;3

Shelle, just read your story, it is so nicely written, I am sad that you feel that way about yourself, I am not transgender but all I need to have respect for someone is to know they are good people to be around,nothing to do with how they live they lives, I wish you happiness.

Thank you for your nice comment I try very hard to always be a good person I model my life after my late mother and she was a doll,my sister says I even look like her.

you walk a hard life<br />
i made the choice many years ago to walk that life with the person ilove very much and still love today<br />
i am sorry she was taken so young<br />
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but i have ben thought it all and we walked side by side the whole time and only a few clkose friends even knew the truth

You are not alone. Sometimes I see my father, then other time I don't recognize the guy I'm shaving. We are never the image of what we projected for our future, now that it is our now.

I feel your pain and i think all or at least most people like us go through that hard time. I myself am just begining to embrace my girl side and am scared and confused as well. So many here at ep have been there to help me and encourage me. Im not even sure how i found this site but i am glad i did. Your not a freak just listen to your heart and dont be scared that that little girl wants some attention

well i am here finally

be a strong woman tommorow is a new day and after you will find new lover always think on your old lovers and you feel all woman wishes .be strong my lady

Forget labels and be yourself you are a kind caring person thats what matters its whats inside that counts not the envelope,hope you can come to terms with who YOU are!

thanks I'm working on it everyday, Shelle

You're no more freak than I, or any of us who are gender diverse. We're regular and real, just not well described in education and society. I know what you mean by looking out being so different from being looked at, but what's inside is what matters, and even if you can know one person who loves you as you are that's enough to see you through. Stay true to yourself and try to ignore the ignorant.

You are so kind and caring thank you Shelle

oh Shelle, are still so sad? or are you happy now with your guy?

I am glad for you girl!
I am not gonna ask?

your not freak you are a lovely women By the way if you ever get that key can please send it my way next hon

I will help you get that key but it will be a task for me as I have some one who loves and supports me

I will support you in every way , but I will never betray my lover

I'm sorry Shelle :( Your no freak, you don't see what I do.

You have given me more hope than I have ever had in life