Sceard Of Hurting The Ones I Love

well i have been reading alot of perants storys about there transgender children, and the most inteanse emotioen the have is a feeling of loss. now i am still comeing to tearms with being trans myself, and in need of a proffecianl to help me decided what to do. but "one" of the most sceay things for me about tell mum and dad is that i'm going to hurt them "uninteshial"

going back 20 years or so my mum and dad had a baby boy who the called John. but then next day he started to develope very worrying problems and could no longer breath on his own. a few days past and after fighting for his life he finaly lost and passed away only a few days after he was born. now i can only imagine how much pain my mum and dad must have been in at that time.

but the year after they tryed agin and were succsesfull once agin, and had anthour son, who they call connor. he was put in an incubetor and after 2 weeks he started to follow his borther path and once agin died shortly after he was born.

you would think after so much pain and lose you would give up right? well not my perants, it really dose amaze me just how strong my mother can be.

so they tryed for the 3rd and finaly time, and lucky for me it was a succses, they gave borth to me, and called me James, i was born very very early and was put into and incubertor like my borther before me, there i was to spend the 1st 4-5 mouths of my life, just a breath away form death. but i think you can tell that thinks got better from here, well cose i'm writeing this story right now.

now i have never meat by 2 brothers but i still love them more then i can say in words and it really dosent make scenes i know. now mum and dad didn't tell me about them till afew years ago, becasue i'm very delcote emtionaly, anything really can set me off. (so on that part of me i am allready female)

now getting back to were we started, from what i can garther the mean ematin perants feel is Loss of son/dorther. now after what they have been thrught and what they have done for me, i just can't bear the fort of putting them thrught all that all over agin, i mean i get really upset myself just thinking about it. i'm so sceard of huting them apart from one or two other things thats what i am sceard of the most.

now only being there brother i cant understand how it feels to lose a son but my perants do twice over, and while i dont know how it feels to lose a son i can only imagin its simaler to the pain i feel of loseing my brothers, and i its something that NEVER gose away, i mean NEVER its with you all your life, but you learn to live with it and move on. but yes you still grave and everynow and agin someting will remind you of them, and that will set you off.

i want to come out to them about my feelings of being trans, and the fact i need to talk to someone about them to help me decide whats next. but i just can't bear the fort of hurting them, i guess you could say i love them too much, aspecial my mum, who has fort for me all my life ( i have spcial needs, and she fort so hard to get me the help i needed).

any input, feedback or advice you could give would do me a world of good, aspecialy any adcive on how to come out as being Transgender.

but thanks for reading x

-Jessica
Soren66 Soren66
18-21, T
1 Response Sep 5, 2012

do not have answers i am sorry<br />
<br />
while i do understand a person living or being forced to live as something they are not very well<br />
<br />
my wife was forced to live as a boy in public will a little ove 12 years old when it was decide that i should know the truth after her mother caught us kissing like we wee boy girl <br />
<br />
her mothers greats fear was i was going to tell others or walk out of her sons life<br />
but that did not happen and we married at 13 years old out of love but even before that school thought we were married as it made her going to high school as a girl easyer as she was already taken so she was no compation to other girls in class<br />
<br />
we loved each other very much right up to themorning before she was killed in viet nam <br />
i was reported killed the day beofre in a plane crash but i was in a coma