Little Miss Perfect

Ever since I can remember, everything I did revolved around a world full of guy stuff. When I was little, I would scream at my parents and throw wild temper tantrums if I was dressed up in itty bitty dresses. As I grew older I wore jeans and baggy tees and had a dutch boy haircut. In my teens, everywhere I went, people would compliment my mother on how sweet her two boys were, much to her embarrassment. Yes, it would have been pretty embarrasing. I was 14. As I grew older, I grew my hair as it seemed to me like a novelty but I took care to tie it up in a guy fashion. Now at 18, everytime I dress up in little black dresses which my mom insists that I wear, I feel uncomfortable and wish I could wear a shirt, tie and jeans. This year I realised that it was way past ordinary tomboyishness. I worry that my family will find out and I try to hide my deepening voice and shave off the excessively think hair on my face each day. I feel confused everyday of my life and wonder whether this is all real or whether I'm just exaggerating all this. Noone would understand if little miss reliable, sweet, kind, talented blah blah blah actually wanted to be little mr. Living in a community where different definitely DOES NOT mean special, I wonder if I'll ever fit in. 

DareToBeDifferent DareToBeDifferent
18-21, T
2 Responses Oct 2, 2008

You sound like me. Complete with the "little miss perfect, reliable, nice, etc...wouldn't ever in a million years be [everything that I am] ...etc" And here I am completely the opposite to what most people used to assume I was. It's confusing and just...I guess poeple rarely bother to look past the surface on a person.

I'm so confused. Can anyone help me?