Im The Girl Friend Of A Mtf Tg And I Have A Question

If you have a supportive woman in your life who was supporting you in every way. How long would or did it take you to finally accept who you are and start living your life the way you wanted to?
I have been supporting by word. I have a real hard time not only watching the internal battle that's taking place but also himher taking his anger with the world and himself out on me. I have enought of my everyday stress without this crap. I don't understand that if everyone already knows and don't care then why doesn't heshe just ******* finish! I can't take it any more. If I throw him out he will revert back and he will never be the person he needs to be....the real him...HER! If I let him stay how long is it going to take for him to just get over what ever made up fear he has and just do it DAMN IT! I seriously don't know how long I can take this. Its been about 4 months sice he decided he wanted to do this and quit his job to do it. He has another job not but kicks in very very very little money. He helps around the house but I get that thrown in my face daily. Don't get me wrong I'm not perfect but this stress isn't making it any easier to fight my own deamns.
Please .... I'm begging you me! I don't understand why he is not taking advantage of the fact that I encourage this ...need this to finish. I don't even like the him side of him anymore. I love her. She is the one I want here with me. Oh and he has no interest in sex anymore so in 3 months I have only been allowed to give him head 4 times. No sex for me no going down on me no fondling. Nothing. This all sucks. I have three children one of which I just found out is 2 mts preg and only 17. My divorce of 10 plus years was final right as we met and he moved in. Found out about the tg thing 2 months into the relationship and have supportive the entire time.
Advice please! Intervention? Let him stay and put me in a nut house or kick him out and let him deal with it?
Thank you
kelleygirl1109 kelleygirl1109
41-45, F
13 Responses Jun 14, 2011

I agree with you KellyGirl I think if they want to transition they should grow up and learn to deal with that they are doing thing is most want to be coddled and treated like princesses. I have to admit I am that way myself I ask no one to cater to me I only ask that I be left to myself and if someone wants to share a life with me then all the better but hon don't let your love for her cause you to have a nervous break down. If she become to much to handle let her go I know it's hard but if she is the person she wants to be it won't stop her. You have to think of yourself she will make it or not that is on her not you. I empathize with you plight I just don't know what to tell you. There are many of us that wish to be children again and we start to act that way hoping someone will treat us like we wish but that is not a reality in most cases.Please don't judge us all on the misgivings of one or a very few as that is not a full representation of how we all act. My only hope is that she gets the proper therapy and learns to handle her rage and deal with life. You kn the other hand I hope this relationship has not lasting effect on you cause it can last a long while for you to let it all go. You may never let it all go but hopefully you will get to where you can find love and find one that will last. I am sorry you had this kind of experience with her but I hope you can find happiness even if it isn't with her. We aren't all like this some of us have grown to be good people and what is all we want to be.

-Arelya-<br />
You will probably never be back here to read this, but you are "f"ing retarded. You don't know much about transsexuals at all, and it shows. Listen, dummy: I knew I was meant to be a girl when I was only 4 years old. I went on anti-androgens when I was 10. I started hrt when I was 12. I had srs when I was 18. I have been living as the woman I am ever since, and I'm 33 now. I have never known what its like to live as a male since I was 10! <br />
How do you explain that, retard? Real transsexuals have a brain that is virtually identical to cis women's brains and it has been proven. Also, you make the mistake of saying that mtf's are really just gay. Sexuality is separate from gender identity. I happen to be a lesbian you idiot, always have been. Just like cis women lesbians. How can you call me a gay guy? I am no attracted to them in the slightest. And about the biology missed the mark again. A transsexual is born the opposite of the gender they identify with being. So obviously the dna would reflect that...doesn't mean squat though. You are a transphobic loser.

Also, fyi, Since before I turned 13 I have been accepted by everyone I have ever met as being female, and have been told I am very pretty. I'm more of a woman than you will ever be! Get something to help with your pms problem, you bitter crab

god, i would be in heaven with another woman encouraging me, supporting me with my transition..........

god, i would be in heaven with another woman encouraging me, supporting me with my transition..........

you deserve better than this, but it's your life. i am in this relationship too (my partner is MtF like your bf) and i hate it. i have tried many times to leave this person but my hope for him and the fact that he finds it hard to keep up with the fantasy all the time keeps me going back. sad and ridiculous i know, i sometimes wish i didn't care so much. these people are selfish and do have mental problems. i know how they feel, i know what gender dysphoria is, ask any woman who's had to feel her *second class* status by being called a **** or having a man take over her life or beat her to the ground. these men are delusional and don't need our help, they need therapy and medication for their narcissism. <br />
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one thing everyone seems to forget is there are only a couple of things similar about transsexual and transgender - they both dress/live in opposite sexed clothing and are often pitied and thought of as delusional gay men (only talking about male-born trans here, not females). the BIG difference between transgender and transsexual is that transsexuals are RARE and they change their physical sex with hrt and surgery to attempt to pass (lie) completely as the opposite sex. the rarity thing here is the stick up my butt right now because literally THOUSANDS of people are claiming they are transsexual and doing this delusional crap. the reality here is - thousands of people cannot be right. not when this is a RARE medical condition. sometime in the next 20 - 30 years there are going to be a hellish amount of regretters and medical lawsuits the world over when even the trans folk find out they've been duped into believing transgender and transsexual are the same thing. <br />
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most transgenders who do what your bf and mine are doing are autogynephiles who have taken their fantasy to a delusional place. autogynephilia is the sexual arousal and excitement felt by a male who is fantasizing of having sex with himself as a female OR a male who fetishizes women so much he ends up believing he IS one. big mistake but many of them make it and ba<x>se their reason to transition on this fantasy. most MTF are not gay before transition but become horrified that after some time on hormones they want the men to notice them too. estrogen is a *female* secondary SEX hormone - hello, straight guys who-would-be-girls, the hormones CAN make you gay. :) it's not a given, sure, but how many lesbians can say the hormones made them that way? a large majority of born-women are straight and many can pin-point their sexual/romantic interest in males at or shortly after the onset of puberty. if you are worried that your bf will turn out gay you could be justified in worrying about it. most of them lie to their women partners about this because just like the males they are, they expect to continue to use women for our love/sex/companionship/housekeeping and whatever else they can squeeze from us until they ditch us for the guys.<br />
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this is the price they (and we) pay ultimately for them trying to live out a mid-life crisis or fetishistic fantasy. my partner was in his 30s when he *came out*, i bet yours is over 30 as well. interesting isn't it that our lovely partners think after fully enjoying the privileged experience of having full human autonomy as males (all the benefits of earning higher incomes, and generally more comfortable lives) think it would be preferable to being females, knowing ****-all about our real lives or lived experiences. these guys lived and breathed as men, using women for sex, companionship, love, housekeeping and general slavery for X amount of years then just oneday decided they were really women after not being able to take this luxury anymore?! BARF, it's bullshit.<br />
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a few things trans folks really don't like to be reminded of here too - NO trans hormones or surgeries in the world can actually change your sex completely - any attempts are just a facsimile of a real sexed person. if you are male and *transition* all of your XY chromosomes remain imprinted on your DNA strands. every cell in your body contains this DNA. i find it highly suspect that any *feelings* about gender trump all of that biology. to believe otherwise is akin to believing in religion (faith trumps reality? i think not). <br />
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your genitals are real, your gender fantasy is not. gender is NOT a biological thing but a social construct designed to *keep mr and mrs in their true places in hetero-normative society* - even gays/lesbians are hated and punished for deviating from this social norm JUST BY THE WAY THEY DRESS (butch lesbians? girly gay guys? yep, deviating from the norm i believe gets laughed at and ridiculed). the clue phone is ringing here. this is reality - something trans folks are not big on, just check your bf out and after awhile you'll see the love hearts and rainbows spewing out of his stories. it's pure bunk, i tell you. even worse are the ones who really want to live *normal* lives (and won't talk about faeries and rainbows but still have pathetically WRONG ideas on what femalehood is about) and that includes kicking the gf off her step on the gender hierarchy so he can take her place - literally. that means having everything women have, bye bye women-folk, you're useless now that the men can claim your lives! ahhh yes, after all our support for them and their needs this is a highly likely fate for us. imagine that? really, i feel so speshul....NOT.<br />
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these men may be lovely guys who hate manhood and wish more than anything in the world they'd been born female, but just like women can't stamp their feet up and down and demand better pay rights or just the right to friggen autonomy and respect as human beings, then trans don't have a right to force us to accept them as women either. after sometimes decades of soaking up the good life as entitled males, i cannot believe the audacity in demanding we accept they are anything like us as real born-women. well, really i can - when you're that entitled as a human to think it's ok to steal someone's identity and mock them by demanding rights for yourself with it (y'know, forgetting the REAL identity - females) then i guess it's not so hard for a man to do. <br />
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as you can see i care deeply for women's rights, not so much men's now that i see it's all about them and their interests (surgery, hormones, the right to become gay in a dress) and to hell with the rest of us. they need counselling and meds, and trust me, if you're angry about this now it won't go away. i've been with my partner for 2 years since they came out and i'm still livid. i'm writing to you today to offer you a shared experience, even if you disagree with mine. it took me almost all of the last 2 years to articulate just why this made me so bloody angry, but now i know. i hope you get the support you need, perhaps i'm not the best person to offer it but i know how it feels to have someone do this not only to themselves but everyone else around them. my partner's family are still hoping this is a joke and are beside themselves with worry for him as they well should be. this truly is most likely a *phase* in his life that will leave it in ruins.

guess do not have the answer but i loved my wife for what she was inside and not what was on her birth paper work<br />
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and we loved each other for about 6 years only a few in school knew the truth and they did not care as we were a group<br />
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we made love different we made love with words and touching and may other ways but we loved each other and her nother and grand parents were the greates and the only reason we are not with echoth now i am sure is she was killed at age 19

yes at 19 i'm sure your trans gf wasn't anything like the middle-aged delusional MAN this lady is suffering with. your story doesn't even relate to this woman's pain. you're a guy who had a gay fling in high school and want to paint it hetero, just because your partner wanted to be considered a girl. are you still straight now? is that why you had to make a comment here?

sorry, but not giving you a cookie.

actually i think your story is bunk too - at 19 she was your wife? ugh, somehow i doubt it. typical male though, coming here and trying to garner sympathy off someone else's story... geez, go write your own.

Thank you. Friend me anytime. Things have gotten better to some degree but I think sex will never happen. Its sad for me but if she is happier than thats whats important. I would love to see the day she gets it and comes to me fully and we can be a couple but Im not expecting it. I know that we will always be "together", more like life partners but with different sexual interests so to speak. Unless she doesnt even want that. I have never loved someone that was this difficult to love. I want her to feel free to do what she feels she needs to do but I want her to want me. I love her enough to let that part of our relationship go. I hope that she will someday see that sex is something I enjoy and want to do, I prefer it with her ... (... me beating dead horse again... sorry), something that I feel is part of intimacy that I want/need. I just wish ... ugh!<br />
ANYWAY... thanks again. I hope you find someone someday that will support you in your life. <br />

On one hand, the economy is making life miserable for a lot of people. I have been struggling for quite awhile. Add to that the difficulty of getting hired when you might get "clocked" (identified as not natal female) and things get even more complicated. <br />
I would ask, is this person looking for work? or making no effort? If they have become exhausted with the job search, have they considered returning to college with Pell Grants and loans? <br />
What I mean is, if someone is trying it is different than just being lazy. I do believe that some approach transition with the idea that being female is easier. I don't think they are likely to really be transsexual if that is what they think. Being female just means you get seventy-five cents for every dollar a man makes. If you can figure how that makes life easier, you're better at figuring than I am. <br />
I wish I had the love and support of a friend. This is a lonely and isolating life. Living full-time as a woman I guess takes a lot of guts being a girl is not for sissies, and a bunch of other cliches.<br />
Even though I am bisexual and prefer men, I cannot imagine denying a loving female friend intimacy and comfort in every way my estrogen soaked body could manage. Maybe I just need to get out more if there are supportive friends like you out there. If you need more kind words find my profile and message me, I don't know what makes this person special enough to make you tolerate what you do (if you still do) but they don't know how lucky they are/were.

Ouch, I hope you've calmed down a bit since your response...I know exactly what you're talking about, I've been in that kind of relationship, it just didn't get to the part where he/she went on hormones and transitioned. I'll tell you though, YES you have to handle her with "kid gloves" so to speak. Not because she's a child or immature or anything like that but because it seems that transitioning is like going through a second puberty. She has to learn to form an identity all over again. Remember how hard that was when you were a 13 year old girl going through all the biological/hormonal changes and dealing with them? Well, that's whats happening with her plus, she also has to adjust psychologically which makes things even more difficult.<br />
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I know, you think "hey, I accept you and love you and want you to be you so go ahead!" and you think it should be enough. It takes time though, hopefully in the past month things have gotten a bit clearer.

First off, **** YOU! I dont personally give a **** sometimes. If he/she doesnt care for me enough to have sex with the person they claim to love at least once in a while or at least talk about it in a civil tone then all of you can **** off!!!!! 4 months isnt enough? Hey how about this, I have been a woman my entire life and I still deal with the ******* hormones and catch **** for it what makes you or anyone on HT think that you should be treated with kid gloves just because your going through "a life change"? Hey guess what? WOMEN DO IT ALL THEIR LIVES!!!!! I say **** or get off the ******* pot. Seriously, what makes you others think your so freaking special? Him/her included! Im calling BULLSHIT on all of it. You want to be women then be women, real women who deal with all kinds of **** on a daily basis regardless of HT or just the desire to be female. <br />
So let me just get your response right.... you want me to handle her with kid gloves and walk around on egg shells for the rest of my life regardless of what life throws me and not get upset, annoyed or anything with her? RIght. Ok. So.... who is going to handle me with kids gloves? Walk around on egg shells and other wise kiss my special *** for the rest of my life for the simple reason that I want to change my gender? Dream on, all of you! Life sucks. Life throws you lemons, suck on them or make lemon aid, we all have to do it. <br />
******* bullshit about the whole sex thing... seriously... ****** up! <br />
I understand what you are saying but you all need to look at this from our point. You know, those of us who were born this way, have had to deal with ALL that makes us women. Any of you think periods, childbirth, breast feeding, kids, life... any of it easy or fun all the ******* time. God, you idiots must think we have if ******* made. I dont remember being with an incredibly rich idiot that can treat me like a princess and I dont have to do ****. ****! You have got to take a reality check<br />
Yeah, Im a bit pissed.

and to be more honest i think that this bad behaviour will last after comlete transition

In my openion: im a man but i dont like this type of men who dont respect his girl especially if she faced many trouble for him. But u have to decide if his mode is bad these days because of hormone therapy ? Or really he became another person other than the one u knew before

Oh forgot to say he went almost 3 months with no job at all.