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Transvestite Forever

After 20+ yrs as a closet cross dresser, on New Years day 2005 I decided to live my life totally as a female dressing night & day only in women's apparel, as I'd simply discarded every article of male clothing and attire owned into a nearby Goodwill Industries dumpster without hesitation on that New Years day.  Having over the course of  many years undergone electrolysis & chemical body and facial hair removal procedures, I'd also purchased a sizable quantity of only quality clothing (which I had tailored by a female Chinese lady to better fit me). I'd not just acquired several items used every day to conceal my male organs to cross dress, but to enhance my public appearance.  Included in an array of items were several sets of silicon breasts, many kinds and colors of bras, slips, under panties and tie corsets.  Moreover a quantity of shoes, boots and sandals, a large assortment of real & plastic jewelry, scarfs, belts and accessories of many kinds and colors,  Also many kinds of facial makeups, sprays and varieties of pencils and lipsticks. Unquestionably I believed Sandra presented herself quite well in public places as an age appropriate women in spite of her having a 5' 11" height, size 12 feet, and a weight of 176 lbs wearing size 16 dresses and pant suits.

Over a period of several months prior to New Years day 2005 Sandra had been having her own hair shaped and styled more feminine with each appointment thanks to a very friendly hair stylist.  Also, with each weeks regularly scheduled salon appointments came  her eyebrows tweezing and shaping, finger and toe manicuring and polishing (initially with clear & thereafter with colored polish).  Moreover, she'd arranged to and had permanent eyeliner applied to both eyes, and tattoos of a long stemmed rose, butterfly and a star having all her children's names on each tip placed onto her left ankle, thigh and bootie.  After having totally transforming myself into becoming Sandra I appeared quit acceptably as a 60 year old women to friends and critics (troubling comments however did infrequently come from teenagers and young girls while walking about the shopping malls). Wanting just to be a bit more, Sandra scheduled herself for hair coloring, thickening and restyling at HAIRCLUB which culminated into a very lovely quite feminine shoulder length curly style.  The required routine upkeep and maintenance on a monthly basis was well worth the investment!

Some weeks thereafter while on a shopping Sandra spontanously decided to have ears pierced to accommodate diamond studs. The cost of this total transformation probably amounted to close to $14,000.00 with monthly maintenance costs of $450.00.  Being a women doesn't come cheap!  

Living Sandra's dream life bopping about Tulsa County, Oklahoma attending daily activities, functions with friends, and going on shopping sprees with other real girl friends I'd befriended developed into a pleasurable seemingly natural lifestyle. Sandra even met and had real women friends which she'd often take to counseling sessions with her female gender psychologist.  Transforming from a male lifestyle to a female lifestyles was very easy.  Appearing everywhere acting, talking and dressing as a total women even before my dentist, female primary care doctor and female dermatologist doctor seemed routine and very natural to me. I never wanted to undergo trans gender surgery comfortable with my body not having any hesitation to do anything or go anywhere by myself.  I'd even gone to the motor vehicle bureau having had a new driver's license photo taken of my new self. 

Within a week after her therapist had suggested Sandra might consider renting a room in her home to one of the her many lady friends for companionship, she did just that renting a room to April Smith.  Quickly and surprisingly April made herself very comfortable and became quite possessive making herself my home our home being the live-in partner. It wasn't long before we were sleeping together as she totally consumed my life shutting out my other lady friends.  We became mutually satisfying social and sexually active partners each taking on reverse play rolls.

EVERYTHING however came to an abrupt end alittle more than a year after April had moved in with me.  It was when Dr. diagnosed my groin discomfort after blood test results indicated a high PSA level.  A subsequent TRUS procedure's pathology came back positive with a diagnose of a Grade 3, Gleason Score of 5+4=9 High Grade Prostate Cancer condition.  Suddenly I'd become an emotional mental wreck.  Because I psychologically needed more support than my therapist or April could provide, I turned to my 5 children living in California.  Seemingly April couldn't accept my needs and emotional turmoil very welt abruptly exiting my home and life.  After her move out I decided to undo all I'd accomplished transforming my lifestyle back to a that of a Male's appearance getting rid of everything female fearful I'd die and not wanting to leave that part of life as an open book.

After several back & forth trips to California having consults with 3 doctors, I decided with my children's blessings to undergo a cyro surgical ablation (the freezing of my prostate) rather than radiation and radical surgery.  Now, some years later here I am in my home having undergone additional surgeries, in-taking and being being pumped full of hormones having nice little real breasts, no testicles and a penis I can't even find it's so small.  Moreover, my PSA and Testosterone levels are at zero and I'm craving return to a female appearance and lifestyle.  

Looking into the bathroom mirror every day when I wash my face seeing my both my eyes lined with eye liner, having little hair on my head, and no traces of facial or body hair from previous hair removal procedures and 2+ years of hormone treatment, looking at my body seeing tattoos on my thigh and above my angle, and having nothing between my legs anymore I have this strong urge to cross dress,

! won't keep stopping myself from cross dressing again despite the financial costs that will be incurred even though I know the cancer in my body will eventually travel into my bones or brain taking my life. My philology today as I compose this my story is "it's my life and I'll live it the way I want to".

Thank you for caring as I share.

 

Sandra Dora is   10/22/2009

Sandradoris928@gmail.com

sandradorothy sandradorothy 56-60 5 Responses Oct 22, 2009

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I found your story trying to get help with my problem. I was in tears. I want you to tell this story to my bf. He is MtF TG and trying to go through the transformation to live daily as a woman but wont leave the house dressed as a woman. The personality switches are killing me, I have stories on my page please, please read them and tell me what to do. I love her but cant stand the her male side anymore. I want her to just do it! Just be who you are and the hell with the rest of the world. Everyone that already knows dont mind, its ok with us why not with "her"? Its counter productive, and she is getting now where but stressing me to the max. I have children, recently divorced (war of the roses type for a year and a half), work, daily stresses AND I just found out my 17 yr old is 8 wks preg. I have enough stress in my life. It would be so much easier if she would just put on her big girl panties and wear them with pride. She is so much a better person than "he" is. I love her but if this change doesnt finish now I am going to have to ask her to leave. That will put her back to him and she will never be who she is suppose to be. So, what do I do?<br />
Kelley

I know from experience as a man who is very feminine in a lot of ways it's difficult to take that step, we are programmed as children and all the way through life men are strong and the provider, while the women are the nourturers and care givers. That being said it's difficult to show that we have a "woman's" side to others, even the ones we love. I'm very fortunate that I have a wife, Sister, and probably 25+ friends (15 f, 10m) that support my decisions and its still difficult to show it to others. I do paint my nails and wear light makeup at times, but only went out in full ladies attire on Halloween and all my friends loved it. I would like to be able to wear a skirt (denim, nothing to over the top) but my wife draws the line there. I hope things work out for both of you, it is a big readjustment.

Loved your writings.<br />
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I can see the Veneer of Society's values, have vanished from your reality.<br />
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May we meet up yonder, one day.<br />
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Hopefully, you will be arm and arm, with your family. <br />
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I'm sure , more than one of them has a similar Gene as you.<br />
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It's an easier go in life as a Woman , if you are pettite in staute, and the Shoes are within the range of normal Women.<br />
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However, it seems, the mind needs, what the mind is. <br />
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For better or worse, when it comes to looks. <br />
Personally, I wouldn't want to be a woman, if I wasn't pretty. I guess I'm vane as most.<br />
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You Be Happy. <br />
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I think you are certainly trying. The Struggle is what they call living.

Thanks for writing back a cooment.You sound like such a very special person whom i would love to get to know more about.You have such a great attitude and such a great outlook on life.I love how you write and love what you have to say.If you want to talk privately in an email you can email me at my email address:smbdkb@gmail.com . Hope to hear from you soon.<br />
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All My Love,<br />
Stephanie

10-22-2009<br />
Appreciated your message. Ya know life ias we know it on this planet, in this world is too short to waste and not be fulfilled.<br />
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Crossdressing hurts no one, and depending upon ones attitude, thinking, wants, needs, ob<x>jectives and status why not enjoy the time we have being as happy as possible.<br />
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Let me end by saying it's more fun dressing up as a women struting about anywhere than being a guy doing the same thing. People are friendlier to women, open doors for ya, and smile as they walk by. Merchants and clerks are the same way. Think about it!<br />
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Happy living in Tulsa County, Oklahoma - bye for now from Sandra<br />
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the life we live is our life to

What a great honest story.Good for you !!!!! It is so nice to see some honest feelings shared of your life.Please keep up the positive attitude and never let anything stop you from your dreams !!!!!<br />
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All My Love 4 U,<br />
Stephanie Marie