Pain

my dad's threatening to commit suicide if I don't stop transitioning and part of me want him to, I feel absolutley horrible for thinking this :(

RachelRedhead RachelRedhead
36-40, T
2 Responses Feb 20, 2010

I waited 25 years because my father tried to "beat the girl" out of me. I suspended my transition when I was in my 20"s and waited till he died to begin again. I hurt so many people by letting him get away with that. I was easy to bully and I didn't know how to fight back except to do tons of drugs and try to kill myself off real slow like.<br />
Unstable self-destructive blackmail is not love.<br />
It is so hard to be yourself we already have boatloads of self doubt, you have to be hard about this.

That's blackmail! It's also utter bollocks! He's not going to di it and is just trying to stop you from being who you really are. IF he were of the suicidal type then he'd have done it beforehand or at least tried to. <br />
He's simply trying to blackmail you that's all. <br />
Something for you to think about, it's all well and good thinking of how others will feel when you transition - infact I recall hearing a number of my relatives saying just that to me: "Think how your grandfather will feel""think what the neighbours will say""think how your auntie berral will cope, she's old and will never understand" but in the end it's not about them, it's not about your dad and his feelings. Put bluntly it's not his life.<br />
If you are anything like me and every other transsexual I've ever spoken to, then you'll not be able to live the lie any more. You say you are already undergoing transition? Going backwards when you don't want to just because your father is making a threat will kill you! Maybe not actually kill you physically (although being forced to be what you are not may push YOU to suicide as it's done to many of us) but at the very least it'll kill you inside.<br />
Sometimes (and being transsexual is one of those times) you HAVE to say "to hell with what others say, I'm doing it". On those occasions it's required to be able to live.<br />
Be who you are, don't let others that do not understand stop you, and don't let them force you to be something THEY want you to be.<br />
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TRANSITION, LIVE YOUR LIFE, BE FREE