Jealousy

Hello all -

I have been dating a truck driver for about 8 months now.  First thing I can say is that he is darn lucky I love him so much lol.  .  I have learned real quick that you never plan on anything that involves your man.. 

I have never had a more frustrating relationship in my life!!!  I am a very strong and independent woman, so having to take care of myself is no big deal
but I do have two "issues" that I am asking for advice or comments about.  First, has anyone had problems with your man being the jealous one...not the other way around?  I mean this gets absolutely insane sometimes...with him freaking out about what I'm doing and who I'm with all the time.  I have changed myself so much from the "wild spirit" for a lack of a better way of putting it, to help ease his mind that I'm not out doing anything wrong.  He says he trusts me, but doesn't trust everyone else.  I said you have to stop driving yourself crazy with the what if's in life....a guy could flirt with me at the grocery store....there is nothing that can be done about it.  He works on his jealousy briefly and gets better and we argue less, but something will trigger him and we are practically at square one again.  He says he doesn't know why he feels this way....he has been driving a truck for over 10 years and had plenty of other girlfriends and never had jealousy issues with any of them.  He says it's because he loves me so much, but I just don't know. 

The second thing I want advice on is if I should go out on the road with him?  I am planning on quitting my job and putting everything in storage to go out with him in September.  I want to do it to be with him everyday, as he does....it will also help with the jealousy factor.  I'm just scared about giving up everything I have if I don't like it for some reason and have to come back.  I do plan soon on taking a "test run" to see if I like it or not.  My family is very critical and thinks it's a horrible idea, most of my friends think it's exciting that I have this opportunity.  I have been telling myself...you only live once, might as well take advantage of the situation, but like I said, I'm worried about getting settled back down here at home in case it doesn't work on the road,.

Anyway, enough of my babbling......I would REALLY appreciate anyone's comments suggestions etc etc.

Thanks

gearheadgirl gearheadgirl
31-35, F
3 Responses Jul 16, 2010

well have you spent any time on the road with him? I suggest you go for a shot trip with him and see if it something you can do day after day. Who wants to eat off the toff three times a day, use a public bathroom, live in the cab of a truck, and never have a tub to sit and shave your legs. Do you want to be eye balled every time you climb out of the truck? I have never been out on the road with my man, but have many visits to truck stops and see what goes on. you need to have sure that is something you really want before you give up your life. Are you planning to get your CDL? The Jealously thing really worries me about your relationship. If he acts like this now how will he act when your on the road and you are hit on by other drivers or just want to have conversation with somebody other than hit. I wouldn't go Listen to your family.

Thank you for your sincere and honest opinion. I have also seen some of these "controlling" characteristics...and I am not one to be controlled, so that leads to some of the arguing. I have brought this up to him and he of course says that in no way does he want to be controlling. I know that all relationships aren't perfect and I'm willing to work on things but I get tired of the roller coaster sometimes. There are reasons for him to be jealous....as I have an ex-boyfriend whom I enjoy spending time enjoying common interests with....he also met me when I was with someone else. He thinks that I will let someone else steal me from him. I also have only changed myself in most of the typical being in a relationship ways as well as not being so openly sexually I guess we shall say. I don't mind necessarily changing that about myself because it's not something that most of society accepts anyway. He absolutely DOES NOT want to take me away from financial and family support, I will be making my own money while we are out on the road....as I refuse to have someone take care of me.....and I will have regular contact with friends and family..<br />
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I still appreciate your honest approach to this situation, I just wanted to give you a bit more background is all. Thank you again!

Oh, lord, I'm sorry but to me this sounds like sirens going off and red flags flapping in the wind. Love is not jealousy and jealousy is not love. Plain and simple. If he's just someone who's been hurt and is skeptical then he might get over that but if nothing has triggered this jealousy then it sounds like the first few steps leading to a control freak type relationship. If you read this from someone else you'd see clearly the signals ticked off one by one. 1. jealous for no reason 2. argues over feelings within him that you can't change 3. wants to 'take you away' (from financial and family support) 4. you've changed your personality and habits to pacify HIM. I hope you wanted my sincere opinion because these are the things only a good friend would answer honestly and then only if asked so I feel somewhat out of place-- I wish I could say GO FOR IT but I suspect that your friends who are urging you on would NOT do such a thing themselves. A good match fits your life, you don't have to alter your life to MAKE it fit. This would be my advice to someone that I loved.