New To Having To Miss My Husband

My husband and I have been married for 12 years.  We have 2 wonderful boys.  All 12 years he worked for the same company and then made the mistake of being shop Stewart for the union.  They decided to trump up charges and terminate him.  Well he worked for the railroad but in his job he was home every night and weekends.  Life was great.  Once he lost his job he decided to get his CDL.  He was a truck driver long before we met and in doing what he did at the railroad these jobs fit together.  He went to school got his CDL and is on his way to TN to start work for his new job on Monday.  I thought I could handle this.  I want him to be happy and lord knows we need the money, but I feel like my heart has been ripped clean out of my chest.  My husband is my world and I love him so much it hurts.  Never in my life did I think that statement would apply to me.  This is only temporary as he is going to get a local route once he gets his over the road time under his belt, but that doesn't't help knowing I won't see him for 45 days.  I know many of you are reading this going what a cry baby, but I can't help it.  Everyone is telling me I am strong and I can get through this but I don't think I can.  I have cried so much today that my tear ducts hurt.  I decided to write him a letter every night, even though I can't send it, at least I feel like I am writing him.  What makes me so mad is I know he is hurting too and I am just wallowing in my self pity.  I am so freaking selfish.  This is what he wants to do but I want him here.  This will be my first night with out him in 12 years.  The night seems like a tragedy, I don't want to sleep without him.  In my heart I know he won't cheat on me, but I hear these stories of lot lizards and I want to scream.  I keep thinking he is going to get hurt or worse yet killed and I will never be able to look into his baby blues again.  If someone out there knows where I am at and how to get me through this nightmare please any advice is welcome.  For now I will just hold my boys and cry into my pillow until I get the chance to hear his sweet voice again.  I love you David.  Please God keep the man you blessed me with safe so I can hold him again.  God is listening to me just as I was typing this his sweet sweet voice was on the other end of the phone.  Just as my tears dried up the waterfall started again.  Please Lord get me through this training, I need your strength cause I don't have any of my own.  Okay enough ranting and crying from this old lady.  He wants me to find out how long from Brunswick to Atlanta and call him back.  Thanks for reading my whining post.  Hope doing this helps me get through the darkest time of my life.  If not I know my kids will.  Until I write again, God be with all of our truck drivers and their families and make sure they all get home safe and sound.  My love to all you strangers going through what I am.
grinchypoo grinchypoo
36-40, F
16 Responses Jul 24, 2010

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one going through this. When my husband of 7 years( that I have never been apart from) told me that he was going to trucking school it seemed as if the earth had dropped from under my feet and I was just hanging there breathless. He explained everything to me and I convinced my self that I had to be strong for our four year old daughter but, the night before he left I had and uncontrollable fit of tears. I felt so bad because I knew this was hard on him too but it just came gushing out like niagra falls. He has finished his training but still has to drive for a year. He came home for four days after being gone for 45 days then he had to go right back on the road and I don't know when he will be home again. We have missed our anniversary, his birthday, Halloween, and we are going to miss thanksgiving. Everyone keeps telling me that I will be OK but I truly don't feel I'm OK I feel as if II have had my heart ripped out and now I am just withering away. I know he is doing this for us and I appreciate it but I hate this. I hate being without him. I know I didn't really anwser your post it just feels good to vent my feeling to someone who knows what I am feeling. I know it is hard but, try to keep yourself occupied and busy. Don't hang by the phone because it will make your days drag by. I write poems to him every day he is away and then read them to him when he returns. Hope I helped you out and I will pray for peace and happiness for you and you family.God bless you.

May God Bless you and know that you can get through this. I just started dating a truck driver recently and it certainly isn't for everyone.

I am feeling the same way right now.i have 3 kids and I'm sick he is a month into training. And I'm going crazy. I know he's doing what he thinks is best. And has allot going on right now himself. I feel so selfish but I just want him back home with us. So reading this really helped me. Bc I now know I'm not alone .how much time has past and is it still this hard?

i just read your story and boy does it sound like me.its 1-18-2013 and ive been married 22 yrs.my husband is leaving on 3-7-13. but my story is a little different.last year i took on raising my 4 grandkids, it was me or DHS and i couldnt let that happen.but 2 days before this my husband and i got a taste of being empty nesters and have fun,went to movies,ate out no one to be home for.it was amazing!he works as a head dept at the police dept.but.....my daughter got arested for a federal sting operation involving meth,and bam! im have 4 grandkids and my husband saying im not going to raise another set of kids! then his job is treating him like a dog for having a stepdaughter do this under his nose.so my husband wanted a divorce but said he loved me but for 4 months he has been so hurtful to me and then he said this is what im going to do.im leaving 3-4-13 for prime trucking school. im quitting my job at 50 and trucking to clear my head and to find myself and after a year we will see.i have never been so scared,insecure, and have never been apart from him.i never thought i at 53 would have to just except ( im going trucking). 45 days.then he talks about all the electronics that are out there to help us stay together.i wont miss the stress of his out bursts on all of us but the time we had together was magical.i dont know how to feel,im just scared.im disabled and cant work.i have no one to talk to.he was my best friend.i pray non stop for God to guide me.so now 3 yrs. later how are you two doing? pinkiepromise

I am 38 yrs. old with 4 children ranging from 17-12.We have been married for 18 plus yrs. My husband has been doing this since October and it's so hard. There are days that all I want to do is cry..there are days where I have to keep myself going. . I have gotten myself into working out..taking walks with friends. It does get better but you will have your bad times. There are times I feel so alone. I'm telling you all this because at first I thought I was just being selfish,but if you do your research you will find out they are all natural feelings. If you don't miss your husband then there is something wrong. Don't let anyone tell you your being a baby,because most don't know what we go through. I wish my husband came home on weekends,but he doesn't. He comes home every 4-6 weeks if I'm lucky. As for the lot lizards the truck stops are getting rid of them. Most truck stops have security and any man that is stupid enough to get with one of those things aren't worth being married too..... <br />
Make his home time special...make it count :) I would love to get to know some of you other truckers wives and be the support we each need and the best is that we all understand each other!!! <3 <3 hang in there!!

I am now in the same position you are grinchypoo, my Husband just left last week to go into a 3 week program to get his CDL. We will celebrate our 2yr anniversery on Jan 26th. we also have 15 month old daughter. I am a stay at home mom we have never been apart in the 2.5 years we have been together. so iam having a hard time with him being gone. he has always wanted to drive a truck, but put that dream behind him when we got together and started afamily. but with there being so little jobs around our area he has decided to go ahead with his dream. i know he is doing this more for our family so we can get ahead fiananically, and i am very proud of him for that. i just dont know how or even if i can handle it. <br />
He just got his permit yesterday and i am very proud of him, just 2 more weeks to get till he gets his CDL. but that also means alot closer to a long time away from him. I just need to be able to talk and get advise from other trucker wives. Good luck to you and thanks to all those i get help from. <br />
~Em

well lades, my husband is a **** addict and a truck driver, and we have three small kids!!! all under the age of four. he will not answer his phone half the time becaue his whatching you know what and then he wants me to get on the web cam after that i mean im trying to manage our home and our life here and all he cares about is the road and the internet, i am 19 years younger than him, you think i would be enough for him, but i guess im not, i still feel like i am just not good enough for him. i cant get it through his thick head either all he wants to do is say im trying to control him and be his "mommy" please if i was him mommy he would be sooo grounded lol. well i just dont know what to do please someone out there with some wisdom help me please and to the lady who her hubby obviously dont have this problem keep yourself occupied and just inole yourself totally into your kidsa, it wll go fast bets of luck to you. thanks

I hope all work out for you.

After a long night of tears I just logged on to a support group and saw your story... Thank you for sharing ... makes me feel better that I am not the only one out there that is going through this...I will write more later... I Have to get ready for work

Thank you. This was a few months ago when I posted this. Our lives turned upside down and inside out since the post. He had to come home as we were being evicted and our car broke down. We finally got everything situated and the stress at home is minimal now. He actually just left again last Saturday and I was surprised, I actually didn't break down until tonight. However, I had reason tonight as I am currently two months late 36 years old and epileptic. Its crazy to even think that we may be prego but I think we might just be. He is excited and I am scared. Life can really throw you some curve balls I swear. I am just counting the days until he will be back home. The good thing is this time instead of 7 weeks he will only be gone 5 weeks. I have decided to coach softball again as it is my first love and the season is getting ready to be in full swing so that is keeping me busy. It actually took all of you ladies telling me to find something for me to decide to go back to coaching. Things are good now. I miss him of course, the kids miss him but we are finding our routine and realizing that he will be home before we know it. Thanks again for all your support. Us Trucker wives got to stick together to be strong for our men. God bless all of you. I love you David and be safe my love.

I understand where you are coming from. My husband is an OTR driver as well. We have been married for 16 years. I miss him alot and so does our 7 year old daughter. The only think I can say is talking on the phone does help and making him feel special when he comes home will make you both feel good. I hope he finds something else after he gets his OTR experience. Even if he can find a regional gig where he is home weekends is an improvement. Althought those jobs are getting harder to find, especially because many people are turning to driving lately with all of the unemployment. Good luck to you.

I so understand where you are coming from!! I am going on day 53 since my DH left. We have been married 20 years, difference is we did this run for the first 5 years of our marriage and when he came off the road we made a promise that we would not go back to OTR driving.<br />
And yes, my heart is ripped out every day right after I hang up from talking to him, the cell phone just does not cut it, I can not feel his touch through a phone, but he promises me we will get through this and it will be better (when???) and so I wait until I get to see him, knowing it may be another 50 to 60 days before that happens.<br />
Just realize, you are not alone. Many do not understand what you are going through, it takes one that has walked in your shoes to understand, but there are many out there that have done this and still are.

Hey girl, yes this career field is a scary one, but you can't dwell on that. I was very nervous when my husband started as I felt like he didn't get prepared enough in class, even though he did pass the tests and pass orientation. Believe it or not, I'll tell you now, just because they "hired" him, many companies don't actually hire until a strenuous process that takes days. He will have a driving test, may have to tell many people in the offices, on the phone, and in person any and all things on his driving record even from years and years ago. Tell him don't forget any of it, as lying will prevent actual employment. We thought hubby was hired, but he wasn't until the 3 or 5 days was up. Training was hard because I couldn't talk to him whenever I wanted since he was driving w/ a trainer right beside him. Teaming though short was actually good, because it was winter and they went through some inclement weather. Tell him, to not tell you ever detail because you will worry. I told hubby that I didn't want to know about him driving in the snow until he was through it. Don't stress over the lot lizzards, he doesn't even have to open his door, threaten to call 911 or something. I have no fears with my hubby here. Also encourage him to not be a prisioner in his truck. When he gets on his own that is. If he has to team, it'll be a little harder, but if he's not teaming, if he isn't sleeping or driving he can be out of the truck. He can go for a walk, find a mall (if his company will let him drive 15ish miles out of route), find a theater or fair, or even a walmart. Ask the employees at truck stops what's good to do or if the town has a mall or theater. Hubby also seems to make it church a lot. In fact he went to church tonight and met people who took him out to O'Charleys and paid for his meal. Now for you, find fun stuff to do. At first you may feel guilty, as I did, I felt bad about having fun in our life while he was stuck out on the road, especially during training when he didn't have as much freedom. But believe me, if you are less stressed about him being gone, it will help him to be less stressed about having to be away. So find a hobby, take a cake decorating class, join a gym and take classes, do something to keep you busy.

Glad to hear you are doing better. Now writting to him and doing stuff with the boys is great but make sure you do something for YOU.<br />
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I am not very gifted in the arts but making little crafts are really easy. Go to your local hobby store and pick up some kid stools/art supplies/stencils and go crazy. My cousin just started making these adorable little stools and selling them for about 20-30 bucks each. <br />
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Keep your head up and stay strong. :)

Thank you hereonearth. I used to watch Ice Road Truckers with my husband all the time and I always told him, never in a million years would I let him do that. I guess I should be thankful he is just truck driving and not trying to drive over all that ice and snow. I am trying to take advantage of my me time however, I am at a loss for things to do. I am writing to him and trying to find things to do with the boys. I actually slept somewhat decent last night and did not wake up crying this morning. I just got off the phone with him and that is turning into a help now. The first night every time I talked to him the tears would start. I don't know if it is because I have cried so much I just can't cry anymore or whether I am actually starting to do better. Thank you for your words they do help.<br />
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As far as that suzzybb. Not sure what even to say and was going to not say anything but I can't help it. I am appalled that you would write that. You just saw that my husband was gone and decided to jump. I am deeply in love with my husband and no one could replace him. Nor would I even entertain the thought of emailing a stranger to grasp for a replacement. I have no problem making friends that share this experience with me, but to say lovers I just want puke at the thought. My husband is my lover and my best friend and I hope you don't do this too all these wives. They need help coping with their husbands being gone, not some one trying to swoop them up while he is gone. That is just wrong and you should be ashamed.

Your story caught my attention because i'm watching Ice Road Truckers with my Hubby right now.. I know how you feel. If my husband had to leave for 45 days I think I'd go crazy. Well I'd sleep in the middle of the bed for the first two nights then I'd go crazy ha! The next 44 days will fly by. Promise. <br />
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While he is gone work on a project to suprise him with. Redoing a room, start working out and lose a few pounds/tone up. Get a hobby. As a wife and mother of two it is really easy to get caught up in the day to day shuffle and forget to take that time for yourself. Now that you are being forced to, take advantage of it.

Well I made it through my first night. I think it was the longest night I have ever had but I got to talk to him a few times. He is finally at the hotel across from his new job. He says he has a book of paper work to do, but he didn't sleep last night so he is sleeping now and is going to work on the paper work when he gets up. I am tired as well but if I could make it through last night I am sure I can make it through the rest. One day at a time is the only way I can think to handle all of this. I love you David.