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Cheating Trucker

So. I have this problem and i just don't know what to do so let me put it out there for all you trucker wife's in the hopes that you will all give me some good feed back. Every time i bring up my driver ( whom just asked me to marry him over Christmas, I said YES) this girl that i work with always brings up her boyfriend that also drives OTR. I want to be happy for her when I hear that he is coming home, but i just can't bring myself to  because HE IS MARRIED AND NOT TO HER. They sneak around to see each other and then she complains that she only gets to spend 24 hours with him during his home time because the other time is spend with his wife and kids.
From what I'm understanding he still lives with his wife and they are in no way separated. She is really a fun loving, caring person but  the only thing that comes to mind when i see her is "home recking *****". I guess its different when you have had it done to you. I was the last one to know that my ex-husband was cheating on he and it took many years to overcome that hurt and my poor kids were effected as well, kids are not as resilient as we think. Since then i have always told myself that I would never leave another woman in the dark, but i don't know  his wife and don't even know if it would be my place to let her in on what i know. I'm also having a hard time coming out and telling this girl how i really feel. What should I do?
  He is the kind of driver that give then all a bad name.  
karenkokes karenkokes 31-35, F 28 Responses Jan 4, 2011

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I was the "other women". I met a "nice" guy who drove long haul. Everytime he passed through town we'd go for supper, hook up, hang out. Whatever. He seemed like a good guy, and we'd sit and talk for hours, he'd call me from where've he was, send pictures (I've never left canada). I thought it was a great no string relationship. One day I texted him, and got some weird replies I knew weren't him. I questioned it but just stopped texting... When he texted me a few hours later he explained it was his wife and that they had kids together and he wanted me to cover for him. It honestly broke my heart. Not because I knew our relationship was over, but because what I did to his wife and kids. I know it isn't my fault, I never thought he had a girlfriend let alone a wife. I couldn't help but feel guilty, I was happy with him when she was miserably missing him raising his family... I don't think I'll ever get over what I did. And I will always feel guilty for doing what I did, he didn't even give me a choice, I'm not saying I still would have done it, but if your going to cheat tell the other women what your doing, if she chooses to be a home wrecker well maybe there perfect for each other! If he told me he had a wife, I honestly would have still been his friend. I've worked the road I know it gets lonely, sometimes that 2am coffee when he rolled through town was exactly what we both needed, but it never would have went past that. This isn't directed to the op, but the comments from other women who have had there husbands cheating, I just wanted to tell one "other women's" side.

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Want the truth?
Yes most of them mess around. It's too easy and most are attention ****** because it's lonely out there. They will send every girl they may half way like a msg to get her with them even riding consistently. Even the married ones who ALREADY HAVE a side girlfriend STILL go looking.
Marrying a trucker or preacher are the things you DON'T do for love because their ego makes them think they deserve everything! You marry one, make sure YOU have a side man and get the money for the kids.
They are good liars.
I know this from being OTR with a trucker and dated 3 others.
I'm a damn good girl so it wasn't because of me. It just comes with the job LOL. also there's a lot of sex without the company so be careful of dispatchers, secretaries, trainers, etc that smile in your face. They're in his truck likely or playing house when he goes out to terminal.

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I've read a lot of responses here, and think maybe I could get some outside advice from women who may have been in my shoes before. Ive been w my husband over 8 yrs and hes he's been a great father and a wonderful husband we've had our ups and downs but we both love each other very much. Over 4 years ago I found emails from a girl that he works with and they were talking about meeting up some where couple hours away from here on a job. Well some of the responses from her said we should be talking like this.we got into a big fight about it and he said nothing happened in that he wanted to be with me so we stayed together. well everything went fine sense but I just hadour second baby together and week after he said phone down and I think it up and saw message from same girl and she's now a dispatcher there, i guess the only one its a moving company. And the txt said ahh baby im so glad you came over..,,, sooooo glad :-( He never told me she was hos dispatcher bit when i saw the message he told me and didnt want me to worry. He said she talks to everyone that way and his friends have said things about her which led me to believe that. Even after i told him to tell her to stop she didnt. He never told and this even after i threatened to come to their job and talk to their boss and hr. I feel my husband is 100% at fault, she swears nothing has ever happened between them WHY because he lobes me wtf, in my mind that means they talk about or have done something just not everything. I dont trust him anymore and he has vowed that he will do anything to prove he loyalty to me. So i check his phone all the time now and he says he only talks to her for work thats it. I didmt see any calls for awhile. Now i. Have access to his calls online and he calls her almost every day up to six times a day mainly when he at work most calls are under 5 mins some all the way up to 15 mins. I know he has to talk to her but that much??????? I just dont know what to do. I haven't told i know he calls her because i know what he'll say. What should i do?

I am also the wife of a truck driver an no matter how much it would hurt I would not just want to no but would like to have proof I don't think that I would say anything to the other woman but my husband would get what's coming

I am compelled to respond to your situation, you are caught between moral ethics and being a friend. I understand that she is a wonderful person yet I have to disagree somewhat, a wonderful person would not be an ingredient in destroying a family, period. If this trucker truly loved this girl you work with, he would not, could not go home tell his wife, girlfriend, household partner, mother of his kids, he loves her, misses her then make love to her and the minute he leaves, gets in his truck morph into this wonderful loving fun single guy that tells her he missed her wished he didn't have to go home but.....50 million excuses...but I love you baby your the one I want to be with......I call B**l S**t!
I f a person loves someone they would go through hell to be with them and if he had a grain of honor and value he would not of started the affair at all out of respect for his wife and children. He would leave his wife with some dignity and grow some balls take the leap .... go and take the chance to be happy if he is not in his current situation, in an honest way because we all deserve love and happiness.
Life hurts sometimes and if you don't make yourself available for goodness to come your way you won't find it or it won't find you.
What your friend should understand is if he is doing this to the mother of his children, a woman he married he will sure in the heck in all likely-hood, do it to her as well ....
For people that do this and I say people because this is a personality defect not a male / female thing, generally speaking, they repeat this pattern because it suites them, they get off on it ....This kind of situation suits their needs, boosts their self centered ego's, for are they are the only ones that reap the benefits....That is with saying that the Wife has no idea.....for in some circumstances some spouses have agreements that as long as "I don't know " it is alright , like that woman said earlier as long as he comes home and pays the bills she is alright with it.
Me ... I would prefer to know, not that I would like it.
My man is a long haul trucker and is gone three to five day's a week and I have found other women's hair on the pillow case, bobby pins in his truck, dog hair in his truck and on his blankets and we don't have a dog, he has excuses and tells me I am insecure and nuts to think that what I found is from another women. He always try's to smooth things over. We can be getting along and certain amount of miles are between us, he is distant and cold doesn't want to talk to me, other times when HE feels like talking and only then can we have nice conversation. He is paranoid of his truck, his cell phone and yes there have been numbers I don't know, calls made at strange times from wrong numbers (all women on the other end) as well as texts that he don't think I see him doing. Along with the lies and the "prove it" 's and the "I would never do that to you"....I have had his children cried myself to sleep too many times to count and allowed him to make me feel crazy ....My gut tells me he is steppin out and because I love him I want to believe him, when things get to the point where I tell him leave ...he doesn't ... but if I knew instead of thought he was playing around on me and my children I would leave or pack his bags because then what I am fighting for ....well it would mean it does not exist.....and me and the kids, even him as well, deserve better and less stress. He tells me he loves me and we will be together forever yet his actions say something much different.
There are good men and women that truck and there are ones that use this profession as an avenue to fulfill their desires.... I have respect for the profession just don not trust in all that do it ....such is life I guess....
Makes me soo sad because us adults well we can work through the heart ache. It's the children that pay the highest price and carry the heaviest burden .....they grow up not to trust, they develop animosity and a broken view of love and family.....
I wish you strength and wisdom in how you handle this because you are not in an easy place..... I say that for there has been times through out my life I let friendship supersede my beliefs and I regret not saying anything because I wish some one would tell me even if ment it would break my heart....

In my opinion, it is actually harder for truck drivers to cheat. We spend long hours behind the wheel, then at the end of the day we are too tired. I think its the other way around. It is the wife who has all the time to cheat. I am a trucker, never once cheated, but had to end 2 relationship from cheating partner. Now Im with someone else hopefully she wont cheat, or I will stay single forever.

I disaggree as my hubby is a truck driver and i have had disturbing news within the last year he is cheating followed by giving me std ...

My husbands been driving a year and I regret marrying a td because I feel single so him cheating will be just what the doctor ordered bc I'm always alone anyway. I will get my life back and eventually meet a man who isn't working a job to escape the daily parts of life like raising children he made,house work,stresses of parenting yard work,school functions etc. These men abandon us to run around the country fancy free while we sit home falling apart. Then when he gets back we dode all over them trying to make them feel appreciated while dealing with there funky attitudes bc there not use to home life any more all while risking pregnancy.......I'm so over it,and no I don't have any evidence of him cheating and no I don't check phones,computers etc,I'm not a detective and my esteem is toooo high for me to belittle myself in that manner and for you ladies who are doing that why bother if your only going to take these idiots back when they cheat anyway.

One word for all you women taking these cheating men back.......AIDS..........and it's not a question of if you get it's when he sleeps with someone positive and brings it to you. Love won't restore your health......period

I absolutely love this question: why? because I have been on both sides of this spectrum. When I was the girlfriend I did not know he had a wife. It had been explained to me that they were separated and I believed him. I believed him because he and I had known each other ten years prior but had lost contact. When I knew him he was in the Army. When he left the army and returned home he could not find me. All our information with each other had been lost. Then when I finally did contact him again I asked if he was married because I saw his profile picture with a woman. He said yes but they were going through a separation and he hadn't had time to change his information. (I guess I should have raised a red flag) but because I had known him previously and we had always meant to be together when the army ended and he was back home and that things didn't follow suit., I believed the lie.

Then weeks passed and as we walked around Wal-Mart his phone rang and I answered it. It was his wife and I got an ear full. I didn't know what to say and my heart was breaking. The man I had waited ten years to find again had lied to me to be with me and left this poor other woman in the cold. I felt miserable and torn. I have much more to add to this but will have to come back to this again later.

I will be back

As a truckers wife, who is currently dealing with her husband having an emotional affair, no proof of anything else, yet. I would want anyone, anyone who knew, to tell me! I would much rather have a stranger tell me, and to give myself time to investigate everything. The not knowing and questioning, is just as bad as knowing. Except when you know, you have the option to work on it. You can't work towards fixing anything if your unaware of the problem. I HATE so much that affairs as so common in this day and age!

I've been married to a trucker for 20 yrs , after 7 yrs , into our marriage I realized he was spending way WAY to much money it was then I realized he had been acting strange toward me - you know to busy to talk or he couldn't seem to find anything to say. I was pregnant and contributed to hormones Not wanting to jump to conclusions without proof mainly because I loved him. So as time went by I confronted him and he stumbled over his answer IMMEDIATELY I was alarmed but he recovered his self quickly and made me doubt my gut by the time we hung up I felt reassured that everything was as it should be. Boy was I wrong My sister-in-law my husbands sister showed up literally hours later to give me the bad news . She worked at a truck stop and had went to his truck to lend him money he had came in and asked for minutes earlier only to find another woman with him he begged her not to tell me but she did so back to the phone call he was unsure if she had contacted me but decided to take his chances and deny it . But to his dismay she did inform me I was pregnant and wanted to die !!! I took smarts on my part to get him home because he was scared to face the consequences of his actions. Long story I'm still married, Why you ask simply put I love him and everyone makes mistakes EVERYONE ! But he knows I look through truck, phone,wallet anything and everything for peace of mind because If I caught him twice that would mean he doesn't love me. Trust is earned and hard to trust a trucker that has cheated. Women throw themselves at them with dollar signs in there eyes and no it's not just Lot Lizard's either. ! Just be vigilant in listening to ur gut or other evidence because Its usually right. Trucker's assume the little woman at home wont know and that just isn't true ! You may not actually catch him doing the deed, but the are so many other ways. Technology is a great asset and cell phone's are a treasure trove of small info.

I too am a truckers wife. Married for 13yrs, he a trucker for about a yr. I too felt that something was not right. Then checking the phone calls and why the data was always going over the limit, I found the phone number to the Philippines!! YEP he was deep into cyber sex with women all over the world! I confronted him and HER! Because I called her and she hung up on me, I sent her a text then, my hubby shut down my cell and changed the password to the ATT account. YEP all this while I am out of state caring for my elderly Mom.
Forgave him yrs ago when he got into this cyber sex stuff, second time around means divorce time. HE is making demands that I pay half of everything and i have been a housewife for 9 out of the 13 yrs we were married! He racks up the bills and now wants me to pay them?? I think NOT.
I am not a young thing...getting close to retirement age, I dont have time to play this game. I want the drama out of my life and I want peace and happiness!
Keep checking those phone records and laptop history! dont be to surprised of what you might find. Good luck and best wishes to all.

I had a gut feeling something was not right with my trucker hubby . I then out of the blue started to receive messages from a facebook user stating my hubby had sent her a message ...she sent it to me...this message was sent 8 months previously ...so from 2012 august to sept 2013 i beleive he was cheating his behaviour changed .he satyed out new year in his cab ...no other cabby did on new year ...and now HEY i have std all in 1 year ....

I was married to a.trucker for 9 years. My exhusband was a cheater beater and user. He has 4 children other than my two and they are all the same age as my two. Whats bad is my youngest is severely autistic and jeff has only seen him once. Ladies watch out for a man named jeff schlieve.

I completely understand your problem. My fiance is an oover the road trucker as well. I worry all the time about him and part of that worry is will he find someone else while he is out there and cheat on me..that being said I also count every day he is out and basically jump for joy when he comes home...I'm not sure how she couldn't know he is cheating because they get such a limited amount of time home. Instead of telling the wife right away I would be up front and honest with her because something she needs to consider is he probally isn't going to leave his family for her. It is better all around if she just drops him now...and he needs to figure out his own problems

I have been married for 13 years and never did I think he would cheat on me. I was taking our daughter to a school function and she called. She had been seeing my husband for a year and a half. He had been paying her bills too. He had prepaid phone that I didnt know about that is why I never caught it. He met her a TA. She worked there. I hope this helps. There are many ways for men to cheat and not get caught.

Can you help me

It is so sad how many ways there are! Anyone who is desperate enough to do something will find a way. Unfortunately being a truck driver practically gives them every option a cheater could dream of! I often wonder what the affair/divorce rate for truckers drivers are, verses other professions!

my husband has only been driving truck for 4 months and about 2 months in I found, by accident, he was chatting with someone at 2:00 in the morning, checked his phone...my gut told me it was a woman, his phone said "trucker" wow, dead give away. I confronted him he said she is a driver he met on the road and they were just talking. I'm sorry, when I'm lonely at 2:00 in the morning I don't call up another man and chat? What am I stupid?? So now I just don't know... we are not intimate at all. I know he loves me. !6 years of marriage....just have this terrible feeling...don't know if it's a lot lizard or some female driver he met he's hooked up with... I hate that this is out there...makes me sick... and to the girl who posted that if he's coming home and paying the bills, what difference does it make?? REALLY? THAT is twisted and I think sweet girl, you have some issues that you think that is ok. It's not..it's not ever ok for someone to give themselves to another person at any level when they are committed in marriage to you.

I too have had someone accuse my husband of cheating on me while he was on the road. This was false and I have no problem checking his phone records, email, fb, and tracking him via his company's website GPS. I love him but if it helps me sleep at night then I am going to do it. I have however been out there on the road with him and seen what goes on and after that I was a little more relaxed and trusting. I do think she should know though. I know I would want to know.

Wow you all are focusing on the Sex! what about the driving and long hours away from home? I am older and wiser I guess , if your man comes home to you ,pays your bills buys you things and the kids things to, you can bet your life that a quick freakin fling thing don't matter! A nd are you the fun lovin spur of the moment lover like u were before? be real! if u wanna keep the flower looking pretty u gotta water it! I don't believe in cheating but I can't imagine what it's like out there with lizards and a whole buncha EVES flashing their ****, but my man will come home to the best woman on the planet! So if he falls to weakness I don't wanna know,But I know he is a lifer with me! Sorry lizards you can't break this duo up!

Are you Older and wiser, Or are you dependent on a man financially? Your lowered expectations of "your man" and relationships are disappointing. You're right, just because he has sex with other people doesn't mean he loves those other people. But just because he pays your bills doesn't mean he loves or respects You either. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership based on love, trust, responsibility and monogamy. If he's only responsible for the "money" part, then why are you with him in the first place? You could be a financially independent, strong, self-respecting woman. Instead, I feel sorry for you because you have deluded yourself into thinking that indiscretions are okay, as long as you have electricity from a so-called partner who doesn't have your Emotional interests at heart-- just the Financial ones.

I was a seat cover for 5 years before I got pregnant with my 7 year old. I would go home for a week and MY EX would pay lot lizards or go on online dating sites... I found this out when I was pregnant with my 5 year old b/c I had caught a sti. I was faithfull.. Plus I checked my bank accouny and I caught my ex sleeping with a supposedbfriend of mine. Dont tell me they get lonely my father is a trucker and so was my grandpa they both were faithfull and my pops was gone for months...

I recently discovered my truckdriver husband had several accounts to online dating sites. He said it was nothing, he just made them being stupid. Claims never to have used them. Then I found actual messages about meeting up with another man in a hotel room for sex! Yuck! If you think it's happening, do some digging! He's a worthless lying *****! Even after being caught he tries to lie and deny it...... idiot!

This is what is wrong with half of the people in the world. A marriage is more then just financial support. Am I appreciative of the fact that my husband supports me and has allowed me to stay at home with our daughter, with out a doubt. Do I appreciate him breaking our wedding vowels? No way in hell! I don\'t care how lonely you get, there is no reason for an affair, emotional/physical or otherwise. If as a person you can\'t control yourself, within your job, and your limits, then perhaps it is time for a change. There is no excuse, never that makes it okay! Perhaps if your in a relationship for money you are a gold digger!

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Has anyone been looking at phone records? My husband has been driving abou a year now...what about chat lines??? I'm feeling something!!! Feedback please...

You should be able to tell if his call usage has gone up, new numbers showing frequently, etc. And by all means, if you feel like something is up, to ease your mind or confirm your fears keep your own records of his routes and check his log book when he is home. Wish you all the best. Hope it ends up just being an active imagination during a moment of loneliness.

Yes, I started looking at his cell records. And noticed that at some point his day started and ended with a number other then mine. That is a problem! I can understand if it was one of the weird days and he didn\'t want to call me at 4 in the morning, but find a male friend to call! Someone who you don\'t feel the need to hide from your wife! I asked about a text message, and he tried to play it off as a joke. That night I could not find his phone, I searched his backpack he takes to work, I checked his personal truck, I checked his clothing. I could not find it, and woke him up asking why he was hiding his phone. He said, \"It was here the whole time\". He started sleeping with it under his pillow as opposed to the side of the bed, that\'s not suspicious at all!!! I got access to his phone records and called him out. He says she is just a friend, my ***! IF nothing else it is an emotional affair at this point, he refuses to stop contacting her which shows me there are in fact feelings involved. All I can say is follow your guts! If you are on a family plan, they are tracking devices for other lines on your account. Look at the numbers, how often he is calling/texting specific numbers. If you don\'t know what a number is, you call it! The bottom line is that your husband should never put you in a position that you feel the next to check his stuff! You should be able to ask him, get an answer, and feel okay with it. Chances are if you don\'t feel okay with the answer, there is a reason!

Ive been a trucker's wife 6 yrs. I have been told my husband cheated on me. Of course he denied it, & luckily the accusations were false. It's hard enuff to stay home alone and wait weeks for them to come home. I think everyone has a right to know if there partner is cheating on them. I would definately get hard proof to back up what your saying so he can't twist it to make you look like a liar. I think trucker wives are a sisterhood & we owe each other the truth no matter what. I sometimes think we should have some kind of network to weed out the cheaters from the faithfuls. If someone is cheating then going home & sleeping with their wife, there is no telling what you may spare someone from, maybe a nasty STD or worse. I know it is a hard decision either way. I will say even though I found out my trucker has been faithful, the thought he could cheat is like a looming black cloud over my happiness with him, the thought is always there. I hate that feeling. That is why proof is so important. Good Luck

I would DEF want to know if my husband was cheating as a trucker. Its really wrong how a wife is expected to be faithful while he is gone, but how he can do whatever he wants while hes away. A wife deserves to know.

Honestly, I have been cheated on (not by a trucker) and I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me. Obviously you couldn't tell her because you don't know who she is, but the woman you do know, the mistress, I think you should tell her how you really feel. I'm not one for confrontation with people and will usually let a lot of stuff go just because I have enough to worry about in my life I don't need to add more drama. If I was in your situation, though, I would say something to this woman because I know whta it feels like to be cheated on and I also know what it's like to miss my husband, who is a truck driver, when he's gone. For him to be spending extra time away from our kids and I so that he can spend time with another woman, would send me over the edge and end our marriage immediately. If it makes you uncomfrotable to listen to the things this woman says about this married man, I would really try to work up the courage to at least let her know that you don't want to hear about it because you don't think it's right.

I'm afraid I agree with most of these posts. I have been a trucker's wife for 25 years now, and am getting a little bit testy with truck bills, etc. taking the majority of our cash and time off. Even after all this time I still wonder if the time on the road doesn't have an extra stop with someone else, but I still miss my husband every day he's gone. I would be devastated to find out he had someone else on the road, but I would still want to know.

tell the wife thats straight up bullshit dude i would wanna know ASAP if someone found out my otr husband was cheating on me. i would so leave him! and take everything with me! that girl deserves to be beat to a pulp. freaking *****

I may be a bit too late for this but, I gotta say, I totally agree with truckerswifefor6years. Tell her how you feel and also tell the wife. She has a right to know.

This is a bad situtation. I know if my husband was cheating I would want to know even though it might kill me. Just being the last person to know is the worst feeling in the world. You feel like you are a fool, and so stupid for not seeing it. As for your friend I would totally let her know how you feel. This is not a person you would want to be friends with. I have known women just like her, that think he loves me more that is why he is with me. But it is so not true. He just like the excitement of the sneeking around and not getting caught. If his wife found out all the funn would be gone and your friend could be left high and dry. But you have to decide for yourself on what you should do and remember one thing if it were you would you want to know or be left blinded.

I'm not worried about my man at all, I trust his100%. quote from him " i would rather run my balls over with my 18 wheeler that sleep with a lot Lizard" My problem is how do you be friends and respect somebody that you know is doing wrong? Congrats on the new baby. My children are 8 and 11 and i sure miss that baby stage. good luck

I try not to be jealous and worried, but you hear so many stories about truckers cheating and women throwing themselves at truckers it makes me crazy. We will have a baby in a little over a month and my anxiety level is going through the roof.