"the Truth Will Set You Free"I am a hermaphrodite. and trust me writing this and confess this is really really difficult for me. I am 34 years old women. I have women genitalia. but I don't have breast or an uterus, which mean I may look like a woman from outside world but inside I am not.
When I read Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides, I can relate so much to what Cal Stehpanides. Because what he wrote in Middlesex is exactly what I feel when I am growing up.
Born and raised in a christian family, I was a happy kid, has a lot of friends. I have two sisters and one brother. Life was good until I reach puberty, when I see other girls in my school start getting their period and wear bra. But that time never come to me. I pray and pray and pray but it never happen. I tell myself that maybe God just forget me and my time will come but it never did.
My sisters turn out ok. they are health and improving like it should. only me.
When I reach 18 years old. My parents finally forced me to go the doctor. Because i feel so ashamed of myself. I always thought I was a freak. The experience when I went to these doctor and have them do their test on me was an experience that I will never forget. That was the worst part of my life. I went from doctors to doctors. They operate me and see what'Is wrong with me. The examine me just like I am a piece of meat. I was devastated. Hopeless. No one seems to care. My parents are also clueless and they never talk to me. I undergo thi treatment for hormone to develop my breast just fora year and then I just stop going. My dad went to jail and a lot of things happen so I just live with this from then.
Now, I am 34. I have a good job working for this NGO. I travels a lot, I have a lot good friends, I am a Christian and my faith has helped me a lot in my life. I just try life my life to the fullest. I never dated in my life. I would like to know what it's like. I have always wanted to get married and have a family on my own because deep down I am a family oriented girl. But I know I will not have that. and I am trying very hard to a/ccept that and make peace with that.
I have so much questions and mosf of it is to God. I mean why me? why is it so hard sometimes? This is what i struggle until now..
Anyway, To anyone who is reading, thankss...I am glad I found this site. to know that you're not alone is so incredible.
sesamestreet 31-35 29 Responses 7 Feb 4, 2011