My Identical Twin Is Very Ill

My identical twin sister is very ill and has been for a long time. We always "balanced" each other growing up and while we were very different, were and are very close. I will be losing her in the not so distant future and I feel that only another close twin may understand the devastating loss that this is. It is not the same as losing a close sibling, or a spouse. I have never known a part of my life without her, being an identical twin is a part of my identity. We did the same things that other twins do; finishing each others sentences, feeling each others pain, defining all other relationships based from our relationship - me thinking all relationships had that prospect of closeness; her believing none could match it. We were/are black & white - they are opposites but also perfect complements to each other. Right now I am losing her a little bit at a time and that is so hard. Maybe someone who is a twin has gone through something similar...........
tootsierolllover tootsierolllover
51-55, F
3 Responses Sep 4, 2012

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. The easiest way for me to explain the twin bond is that when you are an identical twin, part of your definition of yourself is being a twin. This is what the rest of the world has done all their lives by asserting their uniqueness. When you are "losing" your twin, it means you have to redefine yourself which comes down to losing part of yourself. An identical twin has always been identified "as part of someone" by themselves and others. Losing a twin is like a part of yourself disappearing - losing a part of yourself - similar to losing a child - it is that debilitating and world changing. No matter how close a brother and sister are - one of them always lived part of their life without the other - twins never have that - since before birth they are part of each others souls. It is a grief that is most painful because you are constantly asking "who am I - what is my worth anymore- how do I take the next step without my twin". I wish I could talk and grieve with your mother - please tell her another twin sends her most heartfelt sympathies and that she is not alone in her despair. I did find Twinless Twins and found comfort in knowing I was not alone in my "unique" grief and there were people out there that really did understand.

I know you wrote this last year. I was wondering how you are coping and dealing with your situation. My mother is an identical twin and she is in the midst of dealing with a similar situation. Her twin has dementia/Alzheimer's and she is devestated. All of my siblings and myself are trying to help her cope, but the fact that we are not twins, we can't quite understand the terrible pain and suffering she is going through. I have been suggesting a support group for her, but I a, not sure if there are such groups devoted to the "twin thing" when it comes to dealing with grief and such. I know her other siblings are not as tuned in to the whole twin thing, they think they are all the same, but I know that's not true. The twin thing is beyond special,,as my mom describes it, her sister is half her self.
I hope you have found some support and are getting help dealing with your situation. If you can offer any advice,I would truly appreciate it. God bless and good luck to you.

I haven't but I can understand how hard it must be for u. Sorry :-( xoxo