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The Pains That Come With Being a Twin.


Many of us who have brothers or sisters will know just how frustrating it can be to get along at times.    Well just imagine how much worse it would be to try and get along with a fraternal twin, and trust me I know, I’m talking from my own experience of being a twin. 


I have countless people come up to me with a dreamy look in their eyes saying “I wish I was a twin – I would love to have someone my own age to play with.”  


I have no doubt you’re imagining those famous movie twins from ‘The Parent Trap’, or ‘Finding Mary Kate and Ashley’  Their dazzling identical smiles and exotic twin powers are enough to charm the pants off anyone!


When I say ‘twins’ you probably think of identical twins with matching clothes.       

You know, the type who finish off each others sentences and know exactly what the other is thinking. Yes, there are some twins who really do act like that - I’m not denying it; I’ve met twins like that myself and have found them dizzying to look at let alone talk to.


However it is a common prejudice that people think all twins will be identical, cute, and mirror personalities of each other.  In most cases this image is very wrong!


I for one do not have this mirror image kind of relationship with my sister and at the worst of times it can be a much, much uglier picture.


Have you ever really stopped to think of what it is like to be a twin?


    Imagine You and your ‘twin’ are screaming loud enough to raise the entire neighbourhood at five in the morning because you can’t decide who is to wear the rainbow undies.   

   Imagine having your hair yanked out because you were naughty and used her favourite red marker.

   Imagine being made to take the blame for something you didn’t do just because your twin sister lied and said you did it. It will always be her word against yours.

   Imagine how your friends will forever be comparing you to your sister.       

   Imagine always being defined as “The Twins”

    Imagine always having to compete against your ‘other’.   Having a twin is like having a shadow that will never leave you alone,


 That is what having a twin is like for me.  My sister and I are two incredibly different individuals.  We look completely different, we talk differently, we act differently and have separate beliefs and values.  We have different interests - most of them at extreme opposite ends of the scale. I was always more of an intellectual who excelled academically whereas my sister enjoys physical activity.     No matter how different we were, we still had to share our room, our toys, our clothes, our school, our class, our friends, and its no wonder that we spelled double trouble!  If we had just been two classmates we wouldn’t have thought twice about befriending each other we’re just too different.


Unlike classmates though, we don’t have the choice of ‘not’ knowing each other.  We are forced to endure each others company everyday.  


We drive each other around the twist and what usually starts off as a little tiff can turn into a violent fight.


Relief, relief by high school we were to much for our parents and were split into different schools.     I revel in those hours when I can pretend I don’t have a twin.  But at the end of the day she is always there barging through my bedroom door and accusing me of ‘stealing’ something that belonged to her when actually it was given to both of us.  


We spent our entire childhood sharing things and there were times when we wanted to have our own things that we could rightfully say was 'mine' instead of 'ours'.  Somehow it never quite worked out that way.


To this very day my sister always seems to think she has a right to help herself to my underwear whenever she can’t find her own.  She always thinks she can just nip into my room and take my headphones. Its very irritating to find my sister has taken something just when I want it most!   I guess  we have grown so used to having to share things she doesn't quite know where to draw the line   I tell her once in a nice tone not to do it. I try to be nice and understanding when really all I want to do is rip her head off.  I tell her twice in a stern tone, I try to be angry and threatening, I tell her a million times “Don’t take my things, they are not yours”  yet she still doesn’t get the message!


 Its drives both of us insane when we unknowingly cross each other’s line.   It has driven me to put a lock on my bedroom door.  (she has taken to climbing through my window now)


  Who said twins had to like each other?  How on earth did people come up with the idea that twins would be the best of friends and live happily ever after?  


With your friends you can atleast send them home when you get tired of them.  I can’t just ‘send’ my sister away when I get tired of her. I have to live with it. We will always be tied together by our birthdays and genes.


 Please, tell me you don’t want a twin after all I’ve said?   If you do, you are probably a deluded nutcase!

Having a twin can drive you insane to the point where your bed time reading becomes the home security catalogues!


deleted deleted 26-30 183 Responses Oct 2, 2008

Your Response


omg you have no idea how much that happens to me!!!

Although being a twin can sometimes be a pain, it is wrong to ever want to get rid of your twin because your twin is literally half of who you are. Reading these negative coments about having a twin really hurts me because me and my twin are best friends, and pretty much alike. I came to this site because i just woke up from a nightmare, in which i killed my twin, even in my dream, after realizing i killed him, i comforted him, so that he would feel better(weird i know... Its a dream nothing makes sense). Anyways the bottom line is, twins are a gift, and the only bad thing that i can really think of is one of the twins dying, i absolutely have no clue of what ill do if my twin dies before me, ill be beside myself with grief because i was blessed/cursed to have someone there for me all my life, then i have to experience him leaving me, which is similar to your whole world crashing down on you. I love being a twin, but for the sole reason of, one us dying first i can see why someone wouldnt want to be a twin.

I have a twin sister and what you said is completly true.Sometime i just want her to go away and never come back.

I am a twin and this is completely true. They blame everything on you and if the other is mean people think you are too. My friends are always like 'I wish I had a twin' and my response is it is a 'love hate relationship'. They will always be there for you, to either hug you or hurt you. I got the calm, reasoning side and my fraternal side got the blind anger. I would protect her, when even today, she tried to choke me because she took some of my gum and I took a piece out of her bag to chew. Be glad that you don't have a twin. Imagine spending your whole life with a person that isn't your bestie 24/7. Multiply that by 1000. That is what being a twin feels like along with what has been mentioned.

My sister and I were raised as fraternal twins, always had our own stuff, etc. never did understand why people couldn't tell us apart. shared many friends, we fought violently about pretty much everything. But we always had our own stuff,and our own rooms, which maybe made a difference. Also our mother was adamant we were fraternal and always made a huge effort to make sure we were treated as individuals. We grew up and eventually stopped hating each other and becme the absolute best of friends. Guess what? We got suspicious since we look so much alike, had our DNA tested, and we are identical. I now have identical twin sons who are 14 months old. I hope they are as happy being twins as their aunt and I are.

I know how you feel. I myself am a twin. Whenever I get something she gets the same thing.

I am a twin myself. My sister and I are not identical twins but we look so similar. She is a *** all the time and she is always getting the guys no matter what. She still the guy I had always liked, in a mear second. I want her to be happy. I love him.

This article hits really close to home for me other than the fact that my identical twin sister and I were extremely close but now we are estranged from each other due to a manipulating and abusive father. It is really hard to be able to cope without her even though she has been gone over a year. I am actually in therapy and she recommended I come onto some of these blogs and find people who would read my story because I feel like no one understands. I would really appreciate if you guys could read my blog that I will probably start today.

Let me tell you why this is a load of crap. I am an identical twin I am 14 minutes older than my brother. We get into fights for stupid reasons but I do not mentally or physically hate him. We are referred to as the twins and everyone calls us by our name as in bobjoe. Because they cannot tell who is who. I for 1 do not feel like I need to compete with my twin. we don't scream over clothes. This image of twins is considerably wrong.

For myself, being a fraternal twin is worse. This happens so much to me. She doesn't do ________, and we both get penalized. This is why it sucks.

I hate my twin. By being two minutes older than me he believes he is the better of the two. He is the more physical one which often doesn't help as he has a foul temper, attitude and outlook on most things, whereas I am the more academic one. I find that my parents favour him more because he has a definite life plan (he knows exactly what career path he wants to choose) whereas I am unsure about what I want to do, he never lets me forget that. I've got to the point where I no longer have sympathy for him. He makes sure my self-worth is out the window before I go to college in the morning so I feel excellent everyday. With my parents it's one of those situations where if I was to do something wrong I'd get in more trouble than him if he did the same thing.

Honestly, I don't want to hate my brother but it has gotten to the point where I can't stand him any more.

I hate my twin.

I know exactly how you feel

My twin is older by 15 min. She has the power, I have wits. I beat her in each subject, As vs A-.

I am a fraternal twin, and my twin is a minute older than me, the problem with mines is that with that 1 minute gap every one thinks she is the oldest and to always listen to her. Or when i was younger i couldn't hang out with my friends unless i brought her along. It was always like that, as much as I love sharing our birthdays together i always wanted something for myself

Haha, Omg.. I have a twin brother, he drives me absolutely insane, but we are actually also pretty close. I'm very protective over him, and it makes me upset sometimes, like... I'd literally jump in front of a bullet or fist or anything for him. Haha

I have a twin, mum died last year and I have stood by her come what may for the past 12 months and lent loads of money for one reason or another, i have said i cannot give anymore and now its like she does not want to know me. i feel heartbroken, almost like whilst your giving i am her best friend, when I am not giving she does not want to know me xxx so sad i love her so much and know she is in a difficult position with things in her married life and with her young children i almost feel compelled to give for the sake of the kids including a break for her the children and me, after doing that she is back to her shouting bolshy ways, how can i permanently learn to say no to her and not get so hurt by her nasty comments

I appreciate this. I am in my 40s, and am an identical twin. It's been a rough road. I have had to struggle against the expectations of the entire shallow outside world that thinks I am supposed to be a clone. Just remember that all of us are individuals, despite outward appearances. Don't force your expectations on anybody. Give people room to breathe.

Do any of you catch people taking photos of you and your twin too, without them wanting you two to know? Is that common? I find it really annoying and frustrating.

I have a fraternal twin sister, but we look exactly alike! I hate being a twin. Honestly, it get really tiring. Everyone thinking i'm her, or she's me. Even my boyfriend got us mixed up and had to ask who I was. She steals my stuff, and is really abusive. Even though she is the smarter A+ one, I still exist! My parents favor her over me because they have "High hopes" well, I have being left out as always. Even being called "The twins" irritates me. My friends are shared with her, my room is shared with her, and my LIFE is shared with her. I don't understand why people think having a twin is great, it's hell.


I have a fraternal twin brother all we did was have bloody fist fight he was
a lot bigger than me everyone believe him to be my older brother he also
has mental problems I love him but with to see him never again

I have an identical twin brother, and I agree with everything you say. but being a twin, is great in so many ways I forget about. like how you are both the same age. Or how you are the best of friends you just don't really know it. Being a twin sucks a lot ( everyone thinking your the same person) but it is also pretty great, not just black and white more like shades of grey

Add a response...

I have a fraternal twin sister. I'm older by two minutes. We are really close sisters, even though we fight A LOT!!! We shared a bed and room for nine years. We still have many sleepovers. We have all of the same friends. That can be annoying. When we moved in 4th grade, in the beginning of the year a girl from my sister's class invited her to her birthday party. I was not invited. That isn't fair. We recently got our own rooms, but she still hangs out in MY room. Her room is about 1/4 bigger than mine. She is the smart one, tall one, reader, gymnast, writer, poet, athletic, friendly one, and actor. I'm only the sociable one, talkative one, dancer, and shy one. Everyone likes her better. People ask us who is older, and guess my sister just because she is taller. My cousins who I have known for about a decade think my sister is older. My friends don't know that I'm older. Some of my family don't know either. They think she is mature. I think she is a little serious at times. We had lockers next to each other because they assign lockers alphabetically. I decorated five of my friends lockers. My sister decorated three lockers. My friends like her better. In a class, we were asked to pick some friends to be in our group. Then we had to star a favorite person. All my friends picked my sister. I did, too. She picked me, too. :) I call, text, email, and video chat/FaceTime/Skype my friends. My sister will stay inside and won't play outside with me. Once in while she will say yes. We take many selfies. She breaks my stuff, I break my stuff, too. She broke my camera. I broke my iPod. Her stuff is safe for now. We wanted the same school backpack this year until we new that both of us wanted it. We don't want to be twinning. I got it after a lot of you should have it, no you should have it. We compete with each other. It is friendly competition. When we are going to college I am going to be so sad to be going to a different college than her (maybe, maybe not). I love her soooo much!!! We are definently Best Friends Forever!!!👭

Well if you would like to bond with fun challenges and compete for a large cash prize with your twin, I'm casting a new show centered on identical twins. It's going to be a good time!

I have a identical twin ever since we were little we looked alike but as years go by she looks more mature and I still have my baby face as other people say. And I have the exact problem just like you! We fight alot but most of the times it's because she thinks I stole something from her when I never did. (She just normally loses something in her room) We go to the same school and even the same classes! Everywhere I turn I see her somewhere close by... it's really annoying because if I go somewhere she justs has to know where I am! Sure I am a bit smarter than her but then people begin to compare and contrast us like nothing! She has a better body, she speaks deeper, and etc... My mom always says we are suppose to be really nice to each other like if we were in some fairy tale but we're NOT! And yes I do have other friends who are twins and yeah some are like BFF's but we aren't. I wanted to wear the same clothing like when we were little but now she doesn't even want to wear the same clothes as me! :( Being a twin sure does have it's ups and downs...

Would you be on a competition tv show with your twin to compete against other twins for a large cash prize?

No because I don't like showing on tv lol

Bonding Experience! We wont air your dirty laundry.

<p>Add a response...</p>there are m any different reasons that can effect how fraternal or identical twins behave towards each other. in my case, our mother had died giving birth to us. my father got married when we were ten months old. she wanted him but not us. he worked long hours away from home and she was our caregiver. I don't have a memory of anything before I was four or five and when I do its memories of abuse by the stepmother. she took my sister under her wing to groom her the way she wanted and I was the one that got the beatings when her day didn't go well or my father got mad at her for various reasons.<br />
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by the time we entered high school, my sister was also beating on me. we moved to another city and I finally got a break having my own bedroom. my sister and I had different friends in school; me with people I had something in common with, her with the "in" crowd. she always needed to be with people that had money and got a lot of attention. yes she has always been a shallow person.<br />
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when she married and I was her bridesmaid (only because she had to have me) I caught the bouquet. she yanked it back out of my hands in front of my co-workers who came to the wedding from an hour away. the whole next week they talked about what a b.... my sister was.<br />
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she has made trouble and lied through marriage and raising children to the point I had to break it off with her when my children were very young. she was jealous of my daughter and son whom I had before she had a girl. she flatly told me at her wedding (I was still single) that she was going to have the first grandchild. due to medical reasons, I had my two before she had her daughter. I hardly think that is something to get wild about but she did. she made life unbearable for me. she is also to blame for advising me to have an abortion when my husband died and I was only a few months pregnant.<br />
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I could write a book about this woman but who needs to read such horrible stories.<br />
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when my father died in January 2000 she called me and told me not to come to his city that he wasn't going to have a funeral that he was going to be cremated. well I found out five years later that the day she called was the day of his funeral. all my relatives think badly of me not going to his funeral. I can't try to tell everyone about what she did. I feel it would make things look worse so I stay to myself, visit no one and don't have a relationship with any family but my children.<br />
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last july after my sister retired from 40 years of teaching at a catholic school she went to my daughters work site which is four hours from her home and starting making trouble again. why would she visit my daughter who she hadn't seen in 35 years? now my relationship with my daughter is shaky and my daughter is now friends with her on facebook. this is killing me as my daughter has blocked me from facebook.<br />
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I believe if you are honest you still can't win. this past two years has caused me a lot of mental anguish and physical problems. I going to be 65 and pray to God every day to help me get through these hard times.<br />
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I have learned that a liar does influence people but I don't know what kind of people. my sister could sell you a boat even if you lived in the desert.

Know the feeling. I love my sister and all but I really can't stand being twins. Not only am I a twin but I'm also a glass child. My sister is disabled. I swear if I had a dollar for every time someone was shocked we were twins I could go to collage, buy a mansion, a yot, and still have a ton left over. I really feel for ya.

I am a female with a fraternal twin sister. We are polar opposites as far as personalities, temperments, interests and hobbies. Ever since we were toddlers she has been the bossy one and I was always shy and more laid back. I hate it when people say, "There's always one twin who is the strong one and one who is the weaker one." Being the "weaker" one, I really resent that insensitive language. By the way, we will be 60 on our next birthday (in January) and still have people ask, "Ooh, what's it like to be a twin?" They just assume that you and your twin are TOTAL soulmates and that your twin would give her left arm for you! My twin has always resented me ~ she was the brainy one but I was the sweet one who got along with our parents better and I think that bothered her. Ok, go ahead and say it ~ I have issues. Yes, I'll admit that I do.

Sorry to hear all the negative stories about Twins. I wouldn't trade the relationship with my twin brother for anything. Been my constant companion for 26 years and I don't see that changing in the next 26 years.

Would you and your brother be interested in competing against other twins for a large cash prize on a major cable network? It's like big brother but more fun.

As a mother of just two year old twin boys, I was wondering your age when you wrote this? I'm sorry to read that you feel so negatively about being a twin. My boys are so close and sweet to each other and I hope, idealistic as it is they are forever friends. I lost my brothers to a nasty family secret I would not keep, and theres a hole there. Even though, yeah they are kinda a holes. Time changes everything, thats what I want to say to you. You can't know it until you see it yourself. I hope you find some positives in there. I know I would not want my twins any other way. Good luck.

Please don't force closeness on them. Really, as a twin I can say that it often is a real burden. Now, even as adults, I am happiest not living in the same town. Sadly, right now I have to. Even though I am in my 40s, I still hate the "are you twins" question. I am just so very tired of it and except for being sisters she and I have nothing in common and have lived very different lives. For me, although I love my twin sister, I just hate being a twin with a deep and abiding passion. Again, let them be who they really are and don't force that "best friends" thing. Me and my sister, we looked alike (less so now) but have always been very different. Forced to be together always, this was awful. For me, it was like a prison that I was born into and it took me fleeing abroad for several years as soon as I could to be free.

PS: Good for you for not keeping the dirty family secret. Secrets kill the joy inside. The truth really does set you free, so even if you lost your brothers, you gained your freedom.

I am a twin as well. We are extreme opposites in that i socialize very much and he is always at home with my parents.So naturally my parents like him more.Fortunately i have always been more successful with grades.The whole twins should be best friends is quite a burden.Society expects a cute bff relationship from complete opposites.Text anyone and the first response is "how is your brother?" We are now in our early 20's and still family cannot allow me to do anything without checking if my brother is doing it too.I see a job i like,make sure your brother has applied as well,i want to go see a movie,make sure you go with your brother.I want to go eat something,make sure you get some for your brother.Dont even get me started on how sharing a room has given me no privacy.Even my wallet can be searched at any time and parents think you're twins whats wrong with that?? Now i chose to do economics and guess what we both had to apply and are in the same class.Now it gets worse in that i am forced to do everything that he is planning to do.He wants to do a course in law,i have to do it too.He wants to travel,i have to go too. Sometimes it feels like being a twin is like taking any random stranger and making him look like you and then having to share everything...i mean everything... forever.If i ask my dad to get me anything?? say a shirt or shoes or even a laptop..he will get two.Suddenly you dont know who owns what and arguments fill the day.I can never enjoy being an individual..I am a twin. Now my dad has bought a house for us to live in after our degrees are done.lo and behold,its in both our names.

And by the way,dad just opened up a bank account so he can send us money to share.. we have one atm card and every expense must be discussed,imagine? an outgoing person sharing an account with a home staying person and having to justify needing to pull out money for a beer.

Why not do tv together to? I'm casting a new competition show that's about twins competing against other twins for a large cash prize. It would be a great bonding experience, and if you win you could buy your own house.

That's really messed up. I am a twin too, and growing up my situation wasn't as bad as yours, but my suggestion to you is to go abroad and teach English somewhere for a few years, break that dynamic up. Get miles and miles and miles between the two of you. After a few years, you can then find out who he really is, who you really are.

I understand what you're going through with my identical twin. I am always considered "the clone" because I was born second. People forget my name and call me by his name instead. He's smarter than I am, so I am considered the dumb one.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm an identical twin and we always get lumped. He however is considered the "better twin". He gets better grades, is liked by our friends better, and I'm even kind of sure that my prom date wants to go with him ( even though he has a date already). I just can't wait for the day when we can be thought of as individuals and not the same person.

Yes, well, if I were you I'd put space between the two of you ASAP. Go to a different college, whatever you can do to get away. Then you'll be free of all those worthless constant comparisons that are so debilitating.

I would love an identical twin, due to the pain of no one understanding me. No matter how annoying they would be, at least they could understand. Also, the fact that you share everything and she steals from you is ridiculous, your parents think you're those fairytale twins, when you need to tell them you're far from that image. Siblings in general are tough to deal with, but a twin you have to share your possessions with? God, help us. At least my twin friends have their own separate possessions and when one picks up another's item, they just talk it out and get over it. I find that identical twins find it easier to tolerate and live and befriend each other, while fraternal twins have more sibling problems. Also, if your "friends" are comparing you constantly to you FRATERNAL twin, they are either retarded, blind, or not your true friends. Hope things get better for you.